quidproquo89 Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 The woman mentioned on this forum https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/494474-have-you-ever-felt-you-ve-let-yourself-down-date said she ''would love to be friends''. This was Tuesday last week. I messaged back on Friday agreeing to friendship. I have this week off so I texted her last night saying I'm free this week if she wants to hang out. She mentioned previously she is skint till payday. She texted back this morning pleasantly asking how my week was going. She said that she is busy this week and is waiting for pay day. She didn't say when payday was. I guess I'll message her in a week or two. She mentioned friendship when she didn't have to. I'm hoping she isn't blowing off a friendship as well. I really liked her and want to spend time with her on a friendship level, but not sure if she is bothered... She is always very friendly which sends mixed signals
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 Well this one says to me take her words as they are. Which I do, when feeling comfortable in a relationship. I would think pay day is on Friday. So, just ask her if the weekend time is good, or just let YOU know what day suits her. I am sure that won't sound to pushy.
smackie9 Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 Maybe she just wants a text buddy not someone to hang with.
azureorb Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 (edited) Don't bank on it. And dude -- the question should be: Do YOU really want to be *just* friends with her, and only just-friends with her for eternity? To end up being around her getting satisfying sex with another dude with his arm around her, giving her kisses and buying her drinks? No. You're wanting that "consolation prize" right now, in the now. Respect. A "lay up" in golf terms. But in the back of your emotional mind -- hey, maybe there's a chance for the future. But in the now, you're not wanting her to DISAPPEAR. That's your main concern. You want her to be around, to At Least show liking to you as a Person and Wanting to be around You, at least -- even if it's just that. Because that will make you heal better (and maybe keep that hope for the Future alive?). Her writing you was the same thing -- to heal any feelings of her Guilt. We all feel bad when we push away someone who likes us, or someone we were more-than-friends-with, especially if we went out with them -- to still talk and possibly hang out a couple times to Shed the feelings of guilt. Because she knows how that feels, and it sucks. I've done that with girls I was not interested in, or no longer interested in. Unfortunately, most of said girls, it's hurt more. Their hopes are up. If they're SO CONCERNED about hanging out with me rather than keeping in touch, in this now "just friends" zone -- they WANT MORE THAN JUST FRIENDS! You shouldn't want anything more than to keep in touch. Keep it at that, nothing really more. Let THAT be your healing process. Come to grips that you will NEVER, EVER get *that* girl again. Move. On. But in the moving-on-process, which shouldn't last very long -- sure, keep in touch for a little while to prevent that feeling of the rug being yanked out from under ya. But have Zero fantasy probabilities in your head. Don't torture yourself. Your yearn to see her expressed -- tapping her on the shoulder to meet up with "well, how about on X day tho?" -- yeah, that's going to make her not want to so much. If you're Just-Friends -- meet up in a social group. 1-on-1? Not a good idea. In fact, again, at all? Not a good idea when you still really Like her. Just keep in touch, let it fade away until you're not that into her. Meet OTHER girls. Edited September 24, 2014 by azureorb
Author quidproquo89 Posted September 24, 2014 Author Posted September 24, 2014 Maybe she just wants a text buddy not someone to hang with. never heard of that, that's a waste of a friendship. I wont push the matter
Author quidproquo89 Posted September 24, 2014 Author Posted September 24, 2014 Don't bank on it. And dude -- the question should be: Do YOU really want to be *just* friends with her, and only just-friends with her for eternity? To end up being around her getting satisfying sex with another dude with his arm around her, giving her kisses and buying her drinks? No. You're wanting that "consolation prize" right now, in the now. Respect. A "lay up" in golf terms. But in the back of your emotional mind -- hey, maybe there's a chance for the future. But in the now, you're not wanting her to DISAPPEAR. That's your main concern. You want her to be around, to At Least show liking to you as a Person and Wanting to be around You, at least -- even if it's just that. Because that will make you heal better (and maybe keep that hope for the Future alive?). Her writing you was the same thing -- to heal any feelings of her Guilt. We all feel bad when we push away someone who likes us, or someone we were more-than-friends-with, especially if we went out with them -- to still talk and possibly hang out a couple times to Shed the feelings of guilt. Because she knows how that feels, and it sucks. I've done that with girls I was not interested in, or no longer interested in. Unfortunately, most of said girls, it's hurt more. Their hopes are up. If they're SO CONCERNED about hanging out with me rather than keeping in touch, in this now "just friends" zone -- they WANT MORE THAN JUST FRIENDS! You shouldn't want anything more than to keep in touch. Keep it at that, nothing really more. Let THAT be your healing process. Come to grips that you will NEVER, EVER get *that* girl again. Move. On. But in the moving-on-process, which shouldn't last very long -- sure, keep in touch for a little while to prevent that feeling of the rug being yanked out from under ya. But have Zero fantasy probabilities in your head. Don't torture yourself. Your yearn to see her expressed -- tapping her on the shoulder to meet up with "well, how about on X day tho?" -- yeah, that's going to make her not want to so much. If you're Just-Friends -- meet up in a social group. 1-on-1? Not a good idea. In fact, again, at all? Not a good idea when you still really Like her. Just keep in touch, let it fade away until you're not that into her. Meet OTHER girls. you've got some good points there. However as mentioned in the other thread we have a lot in common and I would like to at least get a friendship out of it than nothing. People have become friends after dating, happens all the time. I plan to meet other girls, but I want to be friends with this one too. She has told me she wants nothing more, I accept that
Author quidproquo89 Posted September 24, 2014 Author Posted September 24, 2014 So I'd like to be friends with this girl because we are alike and we share the same interests. I don't want to let that go to waste. Can't help think that the last post was right though. That she wants nothing to do with me. Which of so I just can't believe. Not only was I a good date but I took rejection with class and maturity. Should I just leave the ball in her court? I get the feeling she won't bother which is sad
Jules Dash Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 I would be patient. She may not want to send too many mixed signals or get your hopes up high. Let the friendship build up over time. Give her some room and maybe contact her in a month or so just to see how she's doing or say hi. Maybe she would be interested in just grabbing coffee at that time. 1
Author quidproquo89 Posted September 24, 2014 Author Posted September 24, 2014 cool, nice advice. Women can be invaluable friends especially when you have lots in common with them.
smackie9 Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 How about this....don't waste your energy on her and start asking other women out. The pay off with be much better in the end. 1
Author quidproquo89 Posted September 24, 2014 Author Posted September 24, 2014 How about this....don't waste your energy on her and start asking other women out. The pay off with be much better in the end. I'm already chatting to another girl so I'm moving on. Just thought it would be nice to make a new mate
smackie9 Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 A guy with female mates makes him less attractive to other females because they don't like an extra female hovering in the background.
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