Jump to content

Does it really get better?

DiTat

By DiTat
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

DiTat Member

DiTat

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hey

 

I'm in my late forties and this is my first experience of a broken heart! Lucky me! Not.

 

I've read a bit here and everyone says that with time you will move on and things will get easier but I can't see that. It has been seven weeks now and I just can't understand why we aren't together.

 

I have never loved anyone like I loved this guy. He wasn't perfect but I just loved being around him, loved spending time with him.

 

I try to make myself think of other people as attractive, even movie stars or whatever but just can't do it. No one appeals to me.

 

I just hurt.

 

Where do I go from here?

Edited by DiTat
lostsoul6486 Established Member

lostsoul6486

Posted
Posted

It's hard. It's been 9 months since my break up and I'm still hurting because I recently made the mistake of letting her back into my life just so that she could hurt me worse than ever.

 

Here's what is helping me: going out with friends, new hobbies, thinking of the negatives of the relationship when I'm feeling down about it, reading, and getting into TV dramas on Netflix. The last two have been pretty useful to me in particular because they allow me to get lost in a fictional world where I think of nothing except what I'm reading/watching.

 

Here's what not to do: do not, under any circumstances, contact or respond to your ex. Some people on here will tell you that the only exception would be if you want him back and he tells you he wants to work on the relationship. From my experience, that means nothing. I would just suggest NC so that you could heal.

  • Like 1
Arieswoman Established Member

Arieswoman

Posted
Posted

DiTat,

I am sorry you have been hurt like this, and sadly you are not alone.

 

But, yes, it does get better, trust me.

 

If you haven't already read it, try this book - "It's called a 'break-up' because it's broken" by Greg Behrendt. It may not ease the pain altogether but it will help you get a different perspective on the situation.

 

Good Luck x

  • Like 1
Dontfindme Established Member

Dontfindme

Posted
Posted
DiTat,

I am sorry you have been hurt like this, and sadly you are not alone.

 

But, yes, it does get better, trust me.

 

If you haven't already read it, try this book - "It's called a 'break-up' because it's broken" by Greg Behrendt. It may not ease the pain altogether but it will help you get a different perspective on the situation.

 

Good Luck x

 

I read this book in desperation. It gives you the obvious answers (that you would find here in LS) but it breaks it down in a very light-hearted, warm, and humorous way. It helped me personally.

  • Like 1
Magnet Established Member

Magnet

Posted
Posted

 

Where do I go from here?

 

Try going within yourself? Find your inner palace....

Michelle ma Belle Established Member

Michelle ma Belle

Posted
Posted

I really does get better BUT...YOU...HAVE...TO...DO...THE...WORK :)

 

Honestly. You can't sit around feeling sorry for yourself forever. And you can't sit around looking at old pictures and reading old texts and smelling his shirts he left behind and creeping his social media pages and...you get the point.

 

That kind of behavior holds you hostage indefinitely. It's only been 7 weeks for heaven's sake. That's nothing in the grand scheme of things. It's okay to miss him and cry it out if only to honor the time you had with him but at some point you're going to have to pull up your big girl panties and see it as something to learn from.

 

I am firm believer that everything happens for a reason and that includes people coming and going out of our lives. He entered your life for a reason and he exited your life for a reason. Life goes on. The world keeps turning. And so will you.

 

Often times when we experience a painful breakup we inevitably remember only the good bits and somehow forget all the bad bits. It's like we experience amnesia and look back on those times with rose-colored glasses. The reality of the situation is that it probably wasn't all that rosy at all. You admitted that it wasn't perfect.

 

It does get better but only if you do the work to get there.

 

Good luck.

  • Author
DiTat Member

DiTat

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I really does get better BUT...YOU...HAVE...TO...DO...THE...WORK :)

 

Honestly. You can't sit around feeling sorry for yourself forever. And you can't sit around looking at old pictures and reading old texts and smelling his shirts he left behind and creeping his social media pages and...you get the point.

 

Hahaha...the fact that you have said this obviously doesn't make this unusual...that is exactly what I have been doing all of those things, looking at pictures, reading old messages, checking his Facebook AND smelling his shirts.

 

I thought I was weird!

  • Author
DiTat Member

DiTat

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks everyone for your words. I'll look into that book. I have read some quotes from it online. Looks good.

Lostdreams Member

Lostdreams

Posted
Posted

Hi DiTat

 

I am sorry for what you are going through - I am 47 and he also broke up with me 13 weeks ago after 7 years together. So I can relate to your situation fully and I also don't really feel much better since it happened. It wasn't perfect either, but the loss of him has left a hole in my life which I haven't been able to fill yet.

 

I know it will get better and the hole I feel has to be filled from within - work - work - work until you finally heal. I think you have to celebrate the baby steps in the progress you make and also accept that you will have set backs along the way.

 

At our age it's not only the end of the relationship - it's also the stage in our lives when this happens which makes the future seem even more uncertain and we lean towards a higher level of self-doubt. It's really a double whammy and bad timing, you feel in limbo between your "best years" already past and an unknown future. Just meeting somebody else seems completely unreachable, I even have no interest and have a serious tendency to wallow in self-pity at times - I feel lonely too.

 

I think when this happens in your twenties or thirties - even if it doesn't hurt any less - we are more upbeat in the recovery- at least I was - I just don't feel that same strength yet at this point.

 

I still cry sometimes and dreams are the worst but thanks to my no contact and blocking FB I am slowly moving towards a better place.

 

Whenever he contacts me (only via email regarding return of stuff) I have an immediate relapse and this last week has been really hard. I felt much better 2 weeks ago but understand that it will be up and down for a while and that I have to ride the waves.

 

Self help books and the posts on here have helped me enormously. Keeping busy, seeing family, friends, doing sports and weekends breaks - yes I'm doing it all ..... but still feel that progress is seriously slow.

 

Time is our friend and healing is reachable, but in the late forties we feel time is also our enemy as we fear that our options will run out. I think I am now reconciled in that I need whatever time it takes to come through this and however long it takes - it has to be done. You can't build anything on shaky ground

 

You are not alone my friend - so chin up and eyes forward - sending you cyber hugs of encouragement

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...