JustSomeGuyHere Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 So I just saw my ex gf with her new partner on Facebook. It was accidental since I have deleted her, but I typed in someone else's name and my Ex's partner's profile pic popped up. I saw the two of them with their arms around each other. It was small and only for a split second. I got a rush of adrenaline. It really sparked my curiousity because I haven't seen her like that yet. Now I really want to look at it again in more detail. I know the standard line is never do something like that but part of me feels like seeing it, though hard and painful short term, will ultimately help me move on. That it will force me to accept it. Shouldn't I embrace seeing something like that so I can work through it and not have it bother me anymore? Otherwise I feel like I'm afraid and living in denial. Anybody have any experiences with something like this?
FortunateSon Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 It depends on how much you like touching the hot stove? Something similar happened to me where I saw a pic of my ex and her new guy accidentally and it was really painful. I immediately blocked her....just the little unintentional glimpse hurt enough that I didn't want to see again, I have had no desire to unblock or look at her FB page since, that was almost 10 months ago. 2
hockeydan Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 When my BU happened about 3.5 months ago, I also thought that putting myself through the pain of seeing her social media and being in limited contact would help me eventually deal with the pain. It ended up just spiraling out of control and I became obsessive about checking her Facebook and other social media for even a glimpse into her life. I rarely look at peoples' profiles, but I was checking hers all day long. I eventually cut the cord, blocked her on all social media outlets. It really was the best move for me, the first two days were tough, but the freedom of not looking all day and wondering what she was up to and forcing pain upon myself has allowed me to settle down a bit. It pissed her off too as I got a text several weeks later that she was angry at me for blocking her. Oh well, the blocked was 100% for me and 0% for her. 2
Standard-Fare Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 I used to sneak a peek at my ex's Facebook page every few months. It was a dirty little habit I just couldn't resist. But when he started posting pics of him and his new girlfriend traveling the world, I felt actual physical pain. (Despite my logical brain feeling completely "over" him). That didn't keep me away... I kept pressing the bruise a few more times. But I felt a nauseated dread mixed with panic each time before I clicked on his page, and then I'd feel like sh*t for a couple hours afterward. Finally I just acknowledged I was punishing myself and it wasn't healthy or productive in any way. I don't even feel the temptation anymore, because I associate it with such negative feelings. Maybe this whole process helped me "move on" more firmly, but it was pretty painful.
Lostdreams Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 I'm with Hockeydan on this one and practically followed the same route - Even though we were NC I was hurting myself by checking his FB 50 times daily until I could eventually cut the pattern. I don't regret blocking his pages everywhere and have felt free of the obsessive habit ever since. It's the peace of mind (relief) it gave me to switch all the focus from him back to me and my life - instead of harming myself with ghost chasing. No reaction from him - but then again he doesn't want me in his life anymore - so why would he care or even notice that he's blocked ? 1
Feelbettersoon Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 I personally think staying away from looking on their facebooks is better than looking. Iv done both for two months I would look maybe once a week, that day id cry the most. I haven't looked in a week and don't intend to again and feel a bit better not knowing what they are up to / who they have added and anything about them.
Michelle ma Belle Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 I'm with the camp that sides with staying away from creeping an ex's social media pages. Rarely any good comes from it. The ONLY exception to this might be if you've been broken up for a very long time AND moved on BUT found yourself curious about how an old flame was doing. Time might pose as a decent safeguard but if the breakup is fresh and you're still pining for them even slightly it could set you back. Don't do it
Dontfindme Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 I actually did the opposite with an ex of mine. I looked so much, that over time I just grew desensitized to it. It stung initially though, and it definitely didn't speed up my recovery. It took me almost 2 years to get over him. If I could have a do-over, I would block him.
somecamel Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 So I just saw my ex gf with her new partner on Facebook. It was accidental since I have deleted her, but I typed in someone else's name and my Ex's partner's profile pic popped up. I saw the two of them with their arms around each other. It was small and only for a split second. I got a rush of adrenaline. It really sparked my curiousity because I haven't seen her like that yet. Now I really want to look at it again in more detail. I know the standard line is never do something like that but part of me feels like seeing it, though hard and painful short term, will ultimately help me move on. That it will force me to accept it. Shouldn't I embrace seeing something like that so I can work through it and not have it bother me anymore? Otherwise I feel like I'm afraid and living in denial. Anybody have any experiences with something like this? Curiosity killed the cat. She's moved on, don't get hung up on this, you don't need to see it.
singsparkles Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 So I just saw my ex gf with her new partner on Facebook. It was accidental since I have deleted her, but I typed in someone else's name and my Ex's partner's profile pic popped up. I saw the two of them with their arms around each other. It was small and only for a split second. I got a rush of adrenaline. It really sparked my curiousity because I haven't seen her like that yet. Now I really want to look at it again in more detail. I know the standard line is never do something like that but part of me feels like seeing it, though hard and painful short term, will ultimately help me move on. That it will force me to accept it. Shouldn't I embrace seeing something like that so I can work through it and not have it bother me anymore? Otherwise I feel like I'm afraid and living in denial. Anybody have any experiences with something like this? Do NOT look at her Facebook again! You need to totally move on and forget about her for your own happiness. I was going through the same thing; going psycho and checking my exs facebook and Twitter on literally a daily basis. I'm not even totally healed. I have only stopped looking at his social media for four days... but to be completely honest with you, I havent felt better. If you look at her Fb, you will be disappointed and probably be brought back into the feelings you used to have and feel worse. Its better to just look into the future and meet women who deserve you. You will find a wonderful woman some day... this girl means nothing! Just cross her out of your mind bc she doesnt belong there or deserve to be there!
Big Sky Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 Torture isn't therapeutic agreed. I don't think "therapeutic" would be the right word in the effect it will have on you. Although this occurred to me once and it was "motivational"...
Stsm5934 Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 I don't know. Sometimes I think when your idealizing the relationship, it isn't in the worst thing in the world to be reminded to the reality.
AaronSG Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 There would be no way in hell that I would even go through the motions in regards to checking my ex-fiance's Facebook page! No way, I value my own person mental health more, than reacting to the urge to check her page. Not to say that from time to time I haven't been tempted, for I was checking it for about two weeks after our break up on August-3-2014. But now, I don't even have her blocked, about 4 weeks ago I took it upon myself to delete my Facebook account. I figure that sometime in the future, when life starts going a little bit more "my way" and Facebook starts to look to me like something that could be fun again, rather than the "doom and gloom" as I see it now, when it starts looking fun again, then I'll start a new account. But in the mean time, I have no quick way to check my ex-fiance's page, and to be honest, since I've stopped checking it, I have been feeling better and better. But it's up to you, go ahead and check ex-girlfriend's page, but be advised, one of these days you might not like what you see. Rather your ex in the arms of another, you might see wedding photos or something serious, I wouldn't want to be subject to that in any way. "Ignorance is bliss" Just move on, she's gone, work on yourself, I would suggest going "no contact" and that means "no checking ex's Facebook", no nothing! It will help you move on, it will help you cope, it will help you heal, just don't go backwards, let's move forwards!
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 If you think therapeutic is being partially attached to your old relationship... Just jesting. Definitely not! Just read my ever changing sig...
Author JustSomeGuyHere Posted September 27, 2014 Author Posted September 27, 2014 I decided not to go back and look. Just seeing that pic for a quick second has bothered me enough. 3
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