It's hopeless i dont know what to do anymore can she change back to what she was....?

[GuerreroAzteca]

Hello all, I'm brand new to this forum and I am glad I've found it because i have so many questions. Your help is gratly appreciated.

 

I am currently 19 years old from mexico moved to New Orleans 10 years ago and it was hard to deal but here i am in college now doing pretty good for myself, i am a HUGE loner, have few friends, anyway, I never went on a date or any other type of interaction like parties or stuff like that. Needless to say never had a girl or any contact with girls. Not that i didnt' try either.

 

Then on my junior year our school (leadership people) got invited to the Superbowl XXXVI half time show, and one of my sisters friends was a member and had an extra spot so i took it, there i met Deseree and we hit it off like crazy so much chemestry, enjoyed each others company it became a wonderful experiece for me. We fell so deeply in love and have been together ever since then, but we have been having some really stressful problems and this is where the fun ends.

 

I have been with Deseree for the past 3 years she is my first everything. we lost it to each other and it was wonderful. BUT her past always made me insecure, that was our first problem, she dated everything that walked and that just crushed me BIG TIME, I guess it was jaoulusy. she had loved others b4 me and did everything but losse her virginity to them. and she kinda kept some of this from me and when i found out it caused a huge void in my heart. We came to the conclusion that -since i hadn't ever dated anybody but her-her past made it specially hard for me to bear. but i love her too much to give her up so i stayed with her, i chose her over a single life which maybe i feel i missed out on. and she enjoyed b4 me.

but i got over it and it was worth it i felt like we got stronger i love her so much.

 

Sometimes just wondering i would ask her about her encounters and dates with others b4 me out of curiosity

Deseree was always open about sex and everything else w/me, we are 100% comfortable with each other which is one of our best qualities toggether. we discussed our fantasies what we would try or wouldnt' try etc stuff like that. during all this she also revealed to me that she had been with a girl, (which im sure for ANY GUY this is a huger turn on) she had mixed feelings about she was just curious but she realized that girls just were not for her.

our sex life was booming and has always been and we even considered thressomes and things of that nature. she is a dream come true. in the 3 years we have been together we haven't talked or seen each other for maybe a month we never got tired of each other.

 

And THEn i Fu***ed up at least she has made me feel that way since. about a year and a half into the relationship ( during whch time i became a server and lost all of my shy introverted nature) i met a girl and began to have a crush on her whilst me and deseress's relationship was on ther rocks ( we were both stressed over school work and bills and just plain annoyed and figthing) I almost broke up with deseree saying that i needed my fredoom to date other people ( a privelage i never had) but realized i loved her too much, risking loosing her for some stupid crush was nonsense. I didnt tell her all this until i was done dealing with it internally ( maybe i shouldn't have told her but we have a real honest realationship) she broke up with me for that we were broken up for maybe a week and i begged her back it felt unfair i mean i CHOSE HER didnt' I since when do girls brake up with you for chosing them over any other girl?!?!

 

she finally gave in and we got back together the relationship was never the same she did a whole 180 on me all of a sudden porn and masturbation was off limits, she started being real controlling ( not that i am not but not that much) and i felt like **** because after all it was my fault right? all of a sudden our sexual openess with each other was gone and any fantasies or slight possibilites of thressomes ............so much to say to make it short she CHANGED .

 

i took this from her i love her too much and now it has been three years, she changed her major at school from veterinarian to drama/comms and wants to be an actress and has since attented play casting calls and such in which she has had to kiss guys (for the sake of acting) which i mean in know its acting but ITS STILL PISSED ME OFF TO NO END yet i let it go once again i have let her do what she wants all this time, yet she still isn't over my mistake and the relationship isnt the same. we talked of this plenty of times had huge fights and right b4 i would try to break up she would promise she would get over it and everything would be the same until yesterday i got fed up. i can sacrifice so much and she can't let one lil thing go. she wants more time and more patience but its been more than a year since this happened and i dont want to loose her i love her so much.

 

Should i have more patience with her?

 

Should i just let it go and date other people while im still 19?

 

i mean it bothers me that i've never been with anybody else the way she has been yet if i stick with her i get to sit back and watch her act a bunch of kisses and love scenes i mean how ironic is that a possible solution to this would be to just have a thressome which she considered b4 she did a 180 on me but now its hopeless i feel like the whole thing is a waste

 

some help plz

[The_Fool]

I got married young: I was 21, she was 19. I had been with one other person (but had never really dated.) For her, I was her first everything.

 

After a couple of years, she began to really resent the experiences I'd had with another woman. She felt like she was denied the same opportunity. She told me about it, and I was crushed. She had the idea of having an open relationship: we were both free to see other people.

 

I went along, because I'd started to feel somewhat the same way: the better I did at my job, the less shy I got. I began to realize that other girls found me attractive, and all of a sudden I had the courage to ask them out.

 

We've been separated two years ago for six months, then tried to patch things up again. We've again been separated for six months and the divorce will be final next month. I know that I'll be fine without her, perhaps much better off. I'm learning independence that I never really had before. Looking back, what I regret the most is not trying harder to work things out. I feel like I gave up. Even if things wouldn't have worked out, I'd been with her for long enough (8 years) that I wish we had tried some sort of therapy or counselling, instead of just trying to get through it on our own.

 

Counselling isn't for everyone. It doesn't always work. And I'm not necessarily advocating it. The important thing is that, no matter what happens, you will be fine and things will be better than they are now.