Only men lie about liking someone?

[Darren2013]

Do women ever lie about liking a guy or is it only a man thing? What I mean is verbally saying you don't like someone in a romantic way when you really do.

 

I posted awhile back that under certain circumstances if I like a woman I would lie and say no I don't like her.

 

But maybe I am one of those rare men. I'm not a huge fan of the conventional advice on this forum about always being honest and direct and straight forward. I don't think it is always a cut and dry answer. Lying is frowned upon alot on this forum even white lies.

 

And yes it is a white lie to lie about my interest in a woman and give the appearance that I do not like her or even verbally make a false statement. Certain situations warrant this kind of deception as a form of self preservation and protection.

 

Those situational examples include but are not limited to the following: I find out she is married or has a boyfriend, we work together at the same job, I'm about to move away in a few months, or in an extreme case I know I'm about to die in a few months. Those are external factors where deception and concealing of feelings is a good idea instead of being honest and direct.

 

Also it depends on who is asking me if I like a certain woman. If it is a mutual friend asking me and I am not sure she feels the same way then I'm going to lie and say I only like her as a friend. Why? Because my feelings are none of her business. I am not under any moral responsibility to tell a truth to someone when that truth is not going to benefit them or be of any concern to them. When no benefit can be gained from revealing the truth then there's no reason to be honest.

 

Just like when a stranger greets me and asks me how I am doing they really don't want or need to know the truth of how I am really doing. So lying and saying I am doing great is better.

 

Anyway I got off on a tangent. My main question is that are women less likely to lie and claim to not have feelings for a guy when they really do or is it more common for men to lie about it?

[keylimekisses]

I've never known a women who likes a guy but LIES and tells him she has no feelings for him ....

[Toodaloo]

Darren it is a simple fact... Everybody lies.

 

Some tell porkers for a nice reason, ie oh lets get Chinese takeaway tonight as a treat and then take you to your surprise birthday party. Others because they want to hide something bad from you or get something from you...

 

Everybody lies. Even me. I spoke to my best friend and winged on and on about how much I missed her she was practically in tears because we hadn't seen each other for so long, how I really wanted to come and see her... just before boarding the flight!

 

It has nothing to do with gender, age, race, financial status, background (well some of it is if you felt the need to "protect" yourself you may have developed a knack).

 

Yes there are occasions when I would dearly love to rip a guys clothes off, smother him with chocolate and get messy... No I very rarely tell them this! No I am not going to tell men I fancy some of the stuff that goes through my head because quite frankly some of the stuff that wanders about in my noggin is inappropriate... yes I have lied and said I am not interested when the guys are in a relationship with someone else etc...

 

You have already answered your own question... Why - because your feelings are none of anyone elses business!

 

Keep it simple. If you like her and want to take her out on a date. Ask her.

[travelbug1996]

Men get more sex by lying and pretending to be into a woman.

 

Women get nothing from lying about being into a man. Not unless she's trying to use someone to take her out or spend money.

 

So yea, women lie but in this case lying benefits men more. Can't live with em, can't kill em. lol

 

OP you're lying to protect yourself. I can understand that just a bit. I don't think lying s necessary, personally.

Edited September 24, 2014 by travelbug1996

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

Now liking someone is an odd term... what does one mean that they like someone???

 

When I like someone, it is how I enjoy who they are. There are many woman that I like and none are because they have noticeable physical attributes guys look for.

 

So when given the question do I like someone, my answer is not what is expected if the question is sexual in nature.

 

If specifically asked do I feel hot for that person, I would say no. Because no woman has ever got my sexual attention, without having me at her disposal. In other words, a woman must say come here, before my light switch is flipped.

 

Even with EXs I turn off my attraction with our separation.

[Toodaloo]

Can't live with em, can't kill em. lol

 

Well you can but the body makes one heck of a mess in your car and the jail terms can be a bit steep so not really worth it...

[Gloria25]

I wouldn't call what I would do as "lying"...and I'm not sure if it differs by gender.

 

Why I don't think it's "lying"?

 

Cuz, Let's say you're attracted to someone, but they're involved with someone - why tell them you're into them when you know they're taken? When my crush mentioned he was involved and after I replayed our convo in my head - I thought I should have said to him: "too bad you got someone, cuz I wanted to invite you over some time....etc.". But, I'm not gonna embarrass myself chasing some guy who not only told me he was involved with someone, but was not showing interest in me (he could not even recall speaking to me in passing).

 

So, IMO, there are circumstances where you have every right to tell someone you are not attracted to them cuz, what would you or he/she gain from it?

 

Now, what I "won't" do, is confuse a person. I think it's wrong to tell someone you don't like them, yet you do things that make them "think" you are into them...If I tell a guy I'm not into him, that's it. I do not try to chat him up, I lose his number, I do not even engage him on a "friendly" basis. I may even go out of my way to avoid him cuz I want it clear that I am not interested in him like that.

 

Then, me being scared of letting my guard down - if I'm seeing someone I'm really into, I'll try to play it off like I'm not really into them, which I bet they can see through. I'm really trying to work past that, cuz I think that's a reason lots of guys lost interest in me...cuz I have a "I really don't need you" attitude. I'm also like Lisbeth in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (the Swedish version is better, IMO), the way I express interest in a guy is so "different" than other chicks (which may confuse some guys)...I was soooo relieved when I saw that movie, cuz I can relate to Lisbeth so much in so many ways.

 

When it comes to dating, if I am also not sure if a guy is into me, I'll thread with caution cuz I'm not gonna put myself out there and embarrass myself. But, if he gives me signals that he's into me too, then I'm not gonna continue to play coy cuz I got the green light that he's into me too......That's what sucked about my recent crush, I thought him looking my way was a sign of interest and when I acted on it (inviting him over) and he changed his mind, then that was a punch to the gut.

 

I don't think we "owe" other people anything...just cuz someone likes you or may have even dated you then you change your mind, this is a free country and you can do what you want and you can change your mind about them...But, I think we owe other people common courtesy and consideration - in other words, if you are attracted to someone but you can't date them cuz you're involved with someone, are gonna move, are gonna die; then, what's the harm in saying that or saying something similar (i.e. I really like you, but this is not a good time for me)?

 

We women always want "closure", we want "communication" (maybe that's why guys are afraid of "the talk" and/or the "break up talk")...and, I think that if you just communicate what's going on, then it will help with the situation. Yes, he/she's gonna be upset you don't want to pursue him/her and/or are breaking up with him/her - but at least he/she has clarity. So, once he/she cries with her gfs or has beers with the guys and sings sad songs he/she can move on and hopefully learn something from the situation.

 

I was listening to my podcast about a day ago and this guy called in and he was talking how he dated women and was 'ho, hum' about them (not excited much), but now he "thinks" he met the woman of his dreams and it scares him so much that he can barely bring himself to talk to her...Well, he was advised to go ahead and push past his anxiety and get to know her, and with more time he speaks to her, the anxiety will be lowered.

 

I feel the same way about my crush, sometimes I just wish we could just talk (like 'Hi neighbor, how was your day?') and I think the anxiety would be reduced for both of us, cuz sometimes I'm cool when I see him around, but when I try to say "Hi" or chat him up, I get so anxious to the point I start trembling cuz I'm afraid he's gonna be like 'yuck, why won't she leave me alone?'...But cuz I think I see clues of interest, I try to put myself out there and it's just a "back and forth" of hiding and trying not to hide...which is getting exhausting.

 

Sorry for the rant, but I hope my perspective - which might not be that of most women - makes sense.

[oldshirt]

I've had women lie to me by telling me they only wanted to have sex and nothing more.

 

 

I agree with the above, that the only reason a woman would lie about liking some guy is if she was some kind of gold digger or something.