tripped Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 My long distance girlfriend is finally moving to my city, but has been acting weird ever since she committed to her new apartment. I guess it just became "real" to her, but it was a sudden change from 100% perfect between us to feeling more and more like I'm in the friend zone. In addition, she recently revealed a lot to me about her past with ex-boyfriends that have been seriously untrustworthy, so this may be playing a part since her moving is about to theoretically take our relationship to the next level. I want to bring this up to her in a non-threatening and supportive way, but she works nights and sleeps during the day, so I don't get many chances to actually call her or skype, just text. My question is, could I say something in a text along the lines of "hey, I've noticed you've been a little distant with me ever since you committed to moving into that apartment. I know that moving is a big change, and I just want you to know that I'm here if you need to talk about anything." Would this be something that I should really wait to talk about over the phone? I won't have a chance to physically see her for another two weeks, when she actually moves, so I want to bring it up sooner rather than later.
almond Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 Sure, that text sounds fine to send and might help her feel supported and reassured. However, with this move coming up, I strongly suggest that you somehow make time to communicate a lot via skype and phone calls, even if it means losing sleep. It's a huge thing, and there can be a lot of doubts and emotions flying about at a time like this. It would be a good idea to be there for each other through it.
quidproquo89 Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 I think a phone call would be nicer, but a lot of people prefer texting. What are you guys used to - texting or calling?
Author tripped Posted September 24, 2014 Author Posted September 24, 2014 I think a phone call would be nicer, but a lot of people prefer texting. What are you guys used to - texting or calling? Both really. Texting is obviously far more frequent (every day), but we usually get a solid phone conversation once or twice a week. She has said in the past that she is able to organize her thoughts better in writing, so texting might be what she prefers, but phone would A) let me hear her tone, and B) I don't want to come off as insensitive by bringing up something serious in a text
quidproquo89 Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 you could always text her and then ring later after she has digested what you have told her. You could explain you didn't want to put her on the spot by ringing her. This way you seem like you've taken her feelings into account and don't want to pressurise her. The phoning part afterward shows you really care. Like ring later that day, not just after the text ha ha.
guest569 Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 I think the 2nd sentence is fine to text, but definitely wait until you can meet in person before talking about what could be a discussion on the future of your relationship. 1
quidproquo89 Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 I think the 2nd sentence is fine to text, but definitely wait until you can meet in person before talking about what could be a discussion on the future of your relationship. that's even better - in person
Author tripped Posted September 24, 2014 Author Posted September 24, 2014 I think the 2nd sentence is fine to text, but definitely wait until you can meet in person before talking about what could be a discussion on the future of your relationship. Well I would wait to say all of this in person, but the next time I see her won't be for weeks and I am afraid that whatever is happening will just continue to fester, both within her and my own anxiety. 1
guest569 Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 Well I would wait to say all of this in person, but the next time I see her won't be for weeks and I am afraid that whatever is happening will just continue to fester, both within her and my own anxiety. Your proposed text does sound rather needy and might not do any favors either. Give her a phone call and get a better feel for what is going on. The rest should be done in person for both of your sakes, its only 2 weeks,
Emilia Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 That text sounds fine OP. You are not proposing to say anything that a reasonable person could misunderstand. I resorted to send a couple of difficult texts a month or so ago to someone that I couldn't just meet up with. It was a MUCH trickier situation than yours, I wanted to speak in person but he was partly avoiding the issue, partly kept fighting me because it was something unresolved and bugged him. So after months of that I thought 'flck it, the only way I'll get this through to him if I just come out with it and say it in a text'. It worked and he has chilled out, never replied to the text but his demeanour changed towards me to the much better and softer. So it can go both ways but it worked for me. Yours is more likely to work than mine did. If she gets upset over it there is something else in the background.
GemmaUK Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 If I were in your shoes I would look at the bigger picture. She is relocating and I suspect moving jobs too? She'll be therefore distracted and has a lot of things to arrange. She might be training someone new up in her current role for one thing. She'll have timing of a movement of funds for the new place on her mind, making sure all of her correspondence transfers to her new address on time. She may be de-cluttering her things and getting packing done. If she is de-cluttering she might be selling a few things or arranging storage. There's probably friends she wants to see before she moves as well. They say that moving is one of the top three stressful things that a person can do after bereavement and divorce. I would just relax and let her get on with what she needs to do. All of those things on top of a normal daily life can be exhausting.
Author tripped Posted September 24, 2014 Author Posted September 24, 2014 If I were in your shoes I would look at the bigger picture. She is relocating and I suspect moving jobs too? She'll be therefore distracted and has a lot of things to arrange. She might be training someone new up in her current role for one thing. She'll have timing of a movement of funds for the new place on her mind, making sure all of her correspondence transfers to her new address on time. She may be de-cluttering her things and getting packing done. If she is de-cluttering she might be selling a few things or arranging storage. There's probably friends she wants to see before she moves as well. They say that moving is one of the top three stressful things that a person can do after bereavement and divorce. I would just relax and let her get on with what she needs to do. All of those things on top of a normal daily life can be exhausting. Oh I definitely agree, but the problem is that A) she keeps telling me that moving isn't stressing her at all, and is completely blowing off any stress related to it, and B) this started happening literally the day she decided to move in somewhere, leading me to assume it is subconscious, and something she might not even realize she is displacing onto our relationship. That's why I simply want to bring it to her attention, offer my help and understanding, then back away.
Omei Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 You sound like a sweet heart Another good one taken :'(
Recommended Posts