My Dream Girl - Am I Crazy?

[jAndrew]

First post here!

 

Let me tell you a little story.

 

Years ago, my friend and I were at a sporting goods store, and I noticed a girl at the register. When we were outside, I said to my friend, "that girl at the register was really cute!" He responded, "I know her." He had gone to (a Christian) high school with Her, so I asked him what she was like. He said she was really nice, and loves Jesus. I told him he should introduce us, but he never did.

 

A few years later, after I had moved an hour and a half away, I finally was able to strike up a conversation with Her through Facebook. Right around that time, another girl came around and was telling me that she intended to marry me.

 

So there I was, one girl is someone I have wanted to talk to for a long time, and another is right there trying to date me. Both are named Stephanie, too.

 

I told the girl that I was talking to someone. I was going to go back to the old town and asked the girl I was talking to if she wanted to get together while I was in town. I didn't hear back, and I had told myself that if she didn't respond how I wanted that I would give the local girl a chance. I went to town and came back and still hadn't heard anything, so I decided to start dating local girl. After a couple days, I heard back from the girl I was after and she said she was out of town and seemed a little disappointed that we missed each other. (Dang it!)

 

Local girl and I got married. 6 years (and two kids) later, we are getting divorced. First Stephanie is still single. Still lives far away, but I want to see if she could be interested in talking to me again, and perhaps even date.

 

Am I crazy? If I talk to her now, will I seem to be a psycho? She is what I imagine my perfect match to be.

 

If I'm not crazy, what is the best way to try and reconnect?

[lyndaaxo]

How close were you back then? Was it just a couple of conversations or did it turn into a friendship of sorts?

[pteromom]

Am I crazy? If I talk to her now, will I seem to be a psycho? She is what I imagine my perfect match to be.

 

If I'm not crazy, what is the best way to try and reconnect?

 

You aren't crazy, but you are also putting a lot of unrealistic expectations on this reconnection. Makes sense - you are coming out of an unhappy marriage, so you are dreaming of what you wish your marriage had been, and that dream has this girl's face.

 

But you have to realize that you never really got to know her. So it could be that you reconnect with her and have nothing in common with her, or find out that SHE is crazy.

 

There is no harm in reconnecting. The best way is to send her a friend request on Facebook with a message saying something simple like "Hi, been a long time! How are you doing?"

 

And go from there.

 

Assuming she is on Facebook.

 

Oh - and - you need to spend some time on your own, re-normalizing yourself. The patterns of a bad marriage can distort your perspective, and you want to be yourself again before you attempt to jump into another long-term relationship. Just FYI... if it DOES go well and she is interested in starting something with you, go very very very slowly.

[jAndrew]

Thanks for the responses.

 

We had conversations for a couple or three weeks. It was probably always more of an acquaintance relationship, to be honest.

 

I agree that it should be a simple "how have you been" re-introduction. I think telling her this story would only scare her off. I think it is unlikely that we wouldn't have anything in common. I know for sure we have a lot in common already, namely our faith in Christ, and we have some mutual friends.

 

I don't mean to have unrealistic expectations. I only hope to find out if there could be a connection.

 

My marriage ended because my wife was unhappy. I did all I could to satisfy her, but it wasn't enough. She says she changed a lot about herself to be with me, and once we were married, she went slowly back to her regular self. I think she is unhappy with who she is, and she struggles with depression and anxiety. She also has borderline personality disorder.

 

There were a lot of things that were problems for us, and she just didn't want to try to work things out anymore. I finally realized that it was best for us to go our separate ways.

 

Now I am looking for someone to share the rest of my life with. I have high standards, and I will be very picky.

[lyndaaxo]

Its definitely worth seeing if you can find her on Facebook, like pteromom said, and take it from there. You're probably completely different people now so don't expect too much right away!

 

And good luck