tripped Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 My girlfriend has been really distant for the past two weeks, and I don't know how to confront her about it. We have only been together for 2 months, it's been long distance, but until two weeks ago it was incredible. She is moving to my city 2 weeks from now, and the moment things finally changed was the day she found the apartment she wants to live and committed to moving in. It seems fairly obvious that she is stressed about moving away from her hometown (the only time she's lived anywhere else was during college, about 2 hours away) and her family. But she won't admit that at all. I have specifically asked her if she is stressed, she acts like she has nothing to be stressed about. I ask if things are the same between us, she says of course. But things are definitely different. The easiest way to explain it, if she had always acted like she has been in the last two weeks, I would have never thought she liked me. I would have thought she saw me as a friend and nothing else. Also worth noting, every serious relationship she's had over the past 5 years has ended horribly. One guy cheated on her with multiple people, one was a pathological liar, and one was physically abusive in their final encounter. I'm sure this is part of things as well.
Mister Zen Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 If she is treating you like dirt, then she either doesn't respect you or doesn't care about you. Give her space and let her comeback when she is ready to act right. If she can't act right, then maybe your eyes need to start wondering. Ask yourself this question: Would you ever treat her the way she is treating you? If the answer is NO.. then ask yourself why you would tolerate it on the receiving end. Have some standards bro. Have some rules! Two weeks is a long time to have a crappy attitude. I would let the occasional mood swing slide, but two weeks is ridiculous.
Author tripped Posted September 24, 2014 Author Posted September 24, 2014 I appreciate that response. It's not necessarily that she is acting crappy, just that there is obviously something wrong that she is letting affect the way she talks to me. Example: In the past, if I were to say "I miss you" or something similar, she would say it in return. And a lot of times, multiple times a week in fact, she would be vocal about her missing me or how she cares about me. For the past two weeks, however, there has been a distancing language. So the other night when I said "I just want you to know that I miss you" she replied "well good news, you will be seeing me in a couple of weeks" When we were in person, it manifested in ways like always being too "tired" for intimate activities, or something similar.
heartshaped Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 Is this move strictly for you? Sounds like she's feeling resentful and unsure of her decision.
Author tripped Posted September 24, 2014 Author Posted September 24, 2014 She claims that she has been wanting to move to my city for the past two years. It just happened to be about a month after we met that her lease was ending and she opted not to renew it. She has several friends in my city, that's how we met. Things were perfectly fine after she didn't renew her lease. And then she was offered a promotion to stay in Atlanta, and she turned it down (she says she would have hated the job). And even after that, everything was fine. It was literally the moment she agreed to move into that specific apartment and committed to it 100% that things shifted. So no, I don't think she moved for me, BUT she did show me a pro/con list she made when trying to decide whether to move and I had my own spot, if that says anything.
gaius Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 If she wants to talk about it she'll talk about it. Trying to pry her open like a clam and asking if you two are OK is just going to get her annoyed at you and not in the good, sexual way. At this point all you can really do is either continue forward, put it out of your mind as something you have no control over. Or call an end to things because that lack of intimacy isn't acceptable.
gaius Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 Actually, now that I think of it, in the past I have tried to start a fight and get a girl really angry at me if I feel there's something she needs to spill. Anger is often a strong motivator to be honest. That route has it's side effects though... Not all of them pleasant.
d0nnivain Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 You don't "confront" her about anything. Confront is an antagonistic term. For now, you be supportive & wonderful. Moving is one of the 7 biggest stresssors in life along with death, marriage, divorce, job loss etc. Cut her a huge break. Do whatever you can to make her life easier, including keeping your mouth shut at the moment. When she gets all moved in & settled, she will most likely return to normal. To ease that transition, why don't you get her a list of available services in her new neighborhood: a dry cleaner, a doctor, a good plumber, the best take out, a great pizza place, etc. Then when she is relaxed you can talk. If you do all those nice things for her, she will most likely fall more in love with you. If you press her to talk now when she is already spinning you will drive her away.
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