Pendawn Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 Okay I've been dating my new guy for a few weeks now and he's totally wonderful in almost every way. When we're together he makes me feel beautiful and wanted, he's attentive and interested in me. However he seems to be really bad at calling in between dates. I had a freak out over this 2 weekends ago, thinking he didn't like me, but since then I told him I had worried and he said not to and he is VERY VERY interested in me, but he still doesn't call. Twice this week he's said he'll call and hasn't, I end up calling him the next day and he apologises for not calling for whatever reason, says how pleased he is to hear from me, chats for a good amount of time, discusses our plans for the next date. Then when I say "Okay well I'll call you on such and such a day." he is either really pleased and checks a couple of times that I'm going to call and he'll look forward to it, or - and this is the annoying thing - clearly in a fit of guilt he says "No I'll call you..." and specifies a time. Then of course he hasn't called. I'm not taking it personally that he's not interested because everything else he's done and said, says he is, I just don't get it. He tells me he's been thinking about me whenever i see him, so why can't that thought translate into a phonecall? I don't think this is a deal-breaker for me, certainly not right now but anyone understand this kind of action? Think he's just a non-caller? Or is it a game that I'm losing? Or "he's just not into you"?
whichwayisup Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 Give him some time and see if a pattern exists. Right now I would say he is just an absent minded guy, forgetful and probably not one to make alot of phone calls...If he says he is interested in you and is showing signs of this and you FEEL it when you're together then you have to give him the benefit of the doubt. Don't go looking for something if it isn't there...Enjoy him and your time together. Maybe further down the road mention the phonecall thing to him and tell him he needs to call you abit more often. Try doing emails throughout the week? Maybe that would be fun! Guys don't think the same way we do...Expectations, thoughts, what if's etc...He's clueless and you're gonna have to eventually fill him in! Good luck and keep posting!
Author Pendawn Posted March 7, 2005 Author Posted March 7, 2005 Originally posted by whichwayisup Give him some time and see if a pattern exists. Right now I would say he is just an absent minded guy, forgetful and probably not one to make alot of phone calls...If he says he is interested in you and is showing signs of this and you FEEL it when you're together then you have to give him the benefit of the doubt. Don't go looking for something if it isn't there...Enjoy him and your time together. Maybe further down the road mention the phonecall thing to him and tell him he needs to call you abit more often. Try doing emails throughout the week? Maybe that would be fun! Guys don't think the same way we do...Expectations, thoughts, what if's etc...He's clueless and you're gonna have to eventually fill him in! Good luck and keep posting! LMAO Thank you so much you siad exactly what I'd been thinking, but I was sure anyone else looking at the situation would be thinking I should be getting rid of him. I do feel it big time when ever we talk or are together - heck he said he is going to make a CD for me of songs he thinks I'd like and wants to share with me, IMO that's a big deal in guy language. I also think you're right about guys not thinking the same way, when I told him I'd freaked out he was utterly shocked and had no idea why. I just siad because I hadn't talked to him for a few days, so i think i'll slowly build up to - you NEED to call me when you say you will, or I sit by the phone like a pathetic puppy.
whichwayisup Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 You're welcome! I know how easy it is to worry/think/over analyze things... Let's put it this way...Some guys just don't think. They aren't capable of thinking or understand why we think the things we do. So when you start to feel or worry that he isn't into you - remember the times you are together, what he says, his actions...That is what counts. Not what you feel when you are apart. Easier said than done - I know! LOL! But he hasn't shown you anything negative. Yup, mention it to him, but don't say NEED because it might freak him...Say something more gentle...It would mean alot to me if you called me more, so I don't feel like the one doing all the calling. Then see how he reacts and what he says.
The_Fool Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 Try thinking up some other ways to get him to talk to you. I'm horrible at calling, even though when someone calls me I can talk for hours on end. I'd rather be with someone face-to-face. A phone call is just, well, too lacking for me. I'm too used to calling people for work, where it's just too impersonal and buisness-like. I try to make up for it by doing other things. A sweet text message, a couple of flowers sent to her office, or a quick e-mail in the middle of the day to let her know I'm thinking about her.
Author Pendawn Posted March 8, 2005 Author Posted March 8, 2005 Originally posted by The_Fool Try thinking up some other ways to get him to talk to you. I'm horrible at calling, even though when someone calls me I can talk for hours on end. I'd rather be with someone face-to-face. A phone call is just, well, too lacking for me. I'm too used to calling people for work, where it's just too impersonal and buisness-like. I try to make up for it by doing other things. A sweet text message, a couple of flowers sent to her office, or a quick e-mail in the middle of the day to let her know I'm thinking about her. Hey Fool, just wanted to say thanks for a great post, you made a little light go on in my head. I totally wasn't thinking, his job is in a call center! He spends all day on the phone dealing with people's bill problems. I never evn thought that might mean he wouldn't want to tlak on the phone in the evening. Anyway did as you suggested, I sent him an email during the day today. Tonight he sought me out online, said he was hoping I'd come online. So I'm all pleased again, it's great to be able to see something like this from a different angle.
YssaBoo Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 LOL...oh my god!! I am going through the same thing..in fact I have a post on it...today! Except I have been friends with him for 6 months and we just started dating..I guess you could call it that...His friends love me and they say he really,really likes me and I went to where he worked yesterday and people ask what is going on between us...they say he talks about me and really likes me...OK then why don't they call...he has always been bad about this as friends...and now that we are seeing each other it bothers me.. He used to not call for weeks and then say why don't you call me anymore and I am like I do...you don't answer or call back..I have even told his friends that I don't think we are on the same level and they say don't give up...he likes you alot... It's just so freaky when they do this...because when you are together..it is great..and you want that more than ever...all the time..grrr...men...why do you have to be so different..so hard to figure out... I have talked to his best friend on line and he says I'll call him and tell him to call you...but he shouldn't have to be made to call...I guess his ex who he just broke up with to date me...used to call him 20 times a day and it drove him nuts..so maybe that is another reason...thanks and if you want to email me ....go ahead and we can figure this out together...
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