shall19801 Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 My gf of 5 months is having a hard time dealing with the fact that my ex and I are friends. The ex and I dated through high school and we remained friends. The new gf's biggest issue is the fact that the ex is always stopping by unannounced and texts me frequently. I had told her we hadn't dated in 11 years but then admitted to her that we had hooked up for one night a year or 2 ago. (The ex was married at the time this happened) I told her there aren't any feelings like that on my end anymore but the situation still makes her uncomfortable. What should I do???
jm2013 Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 If you had respect for your girlfriend you'd stop talking to your ex. It's almost like you're keeping your ex around for rendezvous when you both feel like it. It's obvious you most likely still are attracted and have feelings outside of friendship for your ex and it's not fair to your girlfriend. 5
Zahara Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 It's odd that you seem to prioritize your "friendship" with the ex over your girlfriend/relationship. And I would be very concerned to be involved with a guy that hooks up with an ex when she's married and then continues to keep her in the picture. You and your ex -- people lacking and respecting the boundaries of a relationship. She's not an angry girlfriend, just a girlfriend that can't trust you. 8
smackie9 Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 Texting daily and hanging out with your ex is inappropriate when you are in a relationship. The fact that she drops by unannounced is over stepping her boundaries. Your GF has every right to be upset with this. If you care about keeping your GF, it's only fair that you set some boundaries with your ex. I agree this is about respecting your GF. 3
GemmaUK Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 Figure out your priorities and take responsibility. If you love your gf choose her above all and loose the ex. Consider how you would feel if the situ were reversed. If you have any feelings for your ex them dump your gf. It's easy as it is just a matter of respect...from you to them
travelbug1996 Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 I don't see any examples of the girlfriend being angry. The topic of this post should have been "Is my behavior inappropriate? yes or no" Uh yes 3
veggirl Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 uhh yeah...team your girlfriend. sorry dude but you are the one with an inappropriate relationship with your ex, your gf has every right to be upset. a year ago, you hooked up with this MARRIED EX who feels comfortable enough to drop by unannounced and text you frequently. first of all - hooking up with a person who is married is a huge red flag. second of all - hooking up with an ex after TEN YEARS is another huge red flag (sounds like you never got over her) what you should do is tell your EX to quit coming by and to quit texting you so much. unless you would rather coddle the relationship with her instead of with your gf...basically you need to choose one or the other imo.
d0nnivain Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 If you hadn't hooked up with your married high school GF 2 years ago & there was an 11 year gap I would be urging you to encourage your GF to see if she could be friends with your EX since high school was a long time ago. The fact that you slipped & your EX can't even respect her own marriage vows doesn't exactly bode well for your GF's comfort. She can't trust that your EX will respect your new GF or that relationship. Distance yourself from the EX.
Diezel Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 This MUST be a joke thread. OP tries to validate the fact that his ex in his life by stating how long they've known each other. Well the Rock says IT DOESN'T MATTER how long you've known each other. Imagine if it were you in the reverse, and your "angry girlfriend" had her ex hanging around and dropping by unannounced. Would you not be "angry" too? What should you do? Kick one of them to the curb. Why would you even admit to your current girlfriend that 1/2 years ago you hooked up with your ex again AND she was married at the time? You are a walking red flag. 3
d0nnivain Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 OP tries to validate the fact that his ex in his life by stating how long they've known each other. Well the Rock says IT DOESN'T MATTER how long you've known each other. I disagree. It does matter how long you have known the other person. Normally I would say at middle age, a high school flame is more of a friend. Not a threat at all. Here, though, the high school EX & the OP "hooked up" a mere two years ago when the EX was married to someone else. Clearly she's a person who doesn't respect vows or boundaries so the OP's GF had real reasons to suspect that this EX-GF won't respect the new relationship. If it really was 11 years ago, I would have said simmer down. 1
Diezel Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 I'm pretty to mostly every woman in a current relationship, ANY ex is a threat no matter how long it has been or what the story was. 1
Missy0724 Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 People and their egos and lack of respect...never ceases to amaze me... Is your GF the priority, or your ex? Your actions will show your GF exactly who is...and if you don't show her you care about her, RESPECT HER, if she's a smart cookie and has any self respect, she'll be on her way...
ascendotum Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 I disagree. It does matter how long you have known the other person. Normally I would say at middle age, a high school flame is more of a friend. Not a threat at all. Here, though, the high school EX & the OP "hooked up" a mere two years ago when the EX was married to someone else. Clearly she's a person who doesn't respect vows or boundaries so the OP's GF had real reasons to suspect that this EX-GF won't respect the new relationship. If it really was 11 years ago, I would have said simmer down. Lots of people stay on friendly terms with their exes. I know quite a few people on here at the end of a relationship like do the mental equivalent of walking a bridge, throwing a can of gasoline & a match over their shoulder and not looking back. Lots of people find fantastic people to be their lovers/partners/co-parent & best friend. Well relationships don't always work out for various reasons and its not always because the other person turned out to be a c*** or you dropped standards while waiting for something better to come along. There are still strong feelings there but not sexual anymore, and the person stays on in their life as a friend. Lots of people here also resent their new bf/gf telling them who they can/cant have as friends. I have exes as friends and I have no problem with gfs having exes still in their life, as long as appropriate boundaries are being met. Its not in this case though..uninvited & unannounced visits - uh-uh over the mark. Excessive contact - uh-uh over the mark. The cherry on top though is the fact that the OP has had hookup sex with the ex/friend post breakup...and she was married at the time. The ex has no compunction to cheat/get what she wants and it also shows the OP has very flexible morals on secret sex as well. I'm totally siding with the angry gf on this.
Mrin Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 Sorry dude. I'm usually one of those guys who is totally fine with being friends with exes, but given the dalliance when she was married 2 years ago and her behavior/not respecting boundaries, I gotta side with Team Girlfriend on this. Cut the ex loose or push her pretty far back in terms of boundaries. Or, cut the GF loose. One or the other. 1
Tayken Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 My gf of 5 months is having a hard time dealing with the fact that my ex and I are friends. The ex and I dated through high school and we remained friends. The new gf's biggest issue is the fact that the ex is always stopping by unannounced and texts me frequently. I had told her we hadn't dated in 11 years but then admitted to her that we had hooked up for one night a year or 2 ago. (The ex was married at the time this happened) I told her there aren't any feelings like that on my end anymore but the situation still makes her uncomfortable. What should I do??? What should you do? Do what is right and focus your attention on your new GF. Tell your ex that she can't just drop in when she likes anymore, as you are with someone else now. Yes you 2 had something, but that was 11yrs ago. We are all human, and nobody wants to be made to feel like a fool...some of us take it well more than others. Why all of a sudden now is she blowing up your phone with texts? Put yourself in the place of your gf i.e. if the shoes were on the other foot
mightycpa Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 It's odd that you seem to prioritize your "friendship" with the ex over your girlfriend/relationship. Really? Because the relationship with the ex is statistically likely to last longer. I would be very concerned to be involved with a guy that hooks up with an ex when she's married and then continues to keep her in the picture. This seems like a more reasonable concern. If the OP is able to disregard the husband, he'll disregard the GF for sure, but only if it suits him to do so.
Mascara Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 Well OP here's the thing. You're going to have to upset one of them. Which one would you rather it be?
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