WhatIsLove2014 Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 As you may know I've been dating this guy for almost 2 months, which is a very short period of time. We have a weirdly amount of stuff in common and I mean besides dumb crap like food and movies, it's like we have similar strong viewpoints on a lot of things. It's like we are 85% the same person. Besides that he is so sweet and a real gentleman. So here comes the problem, I am falling for him SOO hard and soo fast! How do I bring myself back down? Or at least calm it down so I'm not charging like a bull? thx-WIL2014 1
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 (edited) Well sometimes that happens, but if you are constantly having such attachments too fast for your own good. Then all I have to say is what I explained in another thread earlier this morn. I am excessively emotional, so early in life I kept shyness as a form of protection. Keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself. Telling myself that what I feel is not real or not mine to feel. So, it slowly became to the point of keeping attachment and feelings aside in and around peeps, and saving them for a relationship. Like I can turn on and off my emotions and feelings around peeps. Which makes it hard when I am around my mate and peeps simultaneously, because the peeps I am with are not use to what my mate is with and visa-versa. it sounds odd but that is how deep I disconnect. Since you are not so inclined with being able to disconnect, you may not have to shut down everything like I am able to do. You can focus on detaching from deep feelings by pushing them out or focus your thoughts on the not so good side of your relationship. Now if you are so comfy with him that there is no issues you can find wrong with him... then you have to assess the priorities you have in your relationship. He may be open for discussion about deeper feelings. If you see so much in common, I am sure he dose as well, and feels what you feel. As it seems when anyone gets so involved with a lot of similarities, you have connex that will allow to share more together. Trust him, as 2 months can be equal to 6 months if you have shared all the important things between you. If it has just been fun stuff, then there are lots more things between you that needs to be found and addressed. I am only being so gung ho because all the relationships I have had we were quick to be open about who we are and know our differences and expectations. Edited September 23, 2014 by sdrawkcaB ssA
smackie9 Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 Easy spend a tremendous amount of time with each other to the point you get desensitized.
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 Easy spend a tremendous amount of time with each other to the point you get desensitized. I think he is telling you to shag him till you both can't move anymore.
Ninjainpajamas Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 Everything can always seems so perfect in the beginning but only time will tell how well you get along and do together, because this is the piece of cake part of nearly any relationship except for the rare ones that start off with a lot of drama (they should be rare). Part of it is you wanting to fall for the guy, and trying to connect to the dot, getting all caught up in your head with the fantasy and he could "it"...all that kind of crap, but this is probably the time for women that they have to be the most careful...they focus so much on the positive that they don't see the person in a balanced way for who they are, they just fall in love the idea and fantasy of being in-love...it's not that you can't stop him, it's that you can't stop yourself. I know "love" in the books and movies is supposed to be this whirlwind thing that just sweeps you off your feet forever...but just ask people with experience who have been where you have before, maybe even several times...while it's a very good feeling and they probably wouldn't have changed it for the world, they would look back and likely be much more cautious....maybe that's the part of even getting older and wiser, you just can't believe in the things so easily that you used to want to believe...but for some they never really want to become that wise about it and rather indulge in the unknowing...after all, ignorance is bliss they say. At any rate, the only real answer to your question which I don't very much based on how you're talking is just to be patient, try to fill your time and keep your own separate life together rather than getting sucked up into it and thinking you're a bunch of spiritual twins that just happened to find each other on planet earth (damnit, can't think of the word right now). The fact of the matter is, I highly doubt you are 85 percent capable or have in common you just don't know the other side of each other yet, it just looks like that...but hell, you could 99 percent capable, on paper, hard facts and still be ultimately romantically incompatible...love is a different thing, it's not like having your friends...but then again I don't even understand how people say their SO is their "best friend" because for me that's not what I need in a relationship, I need something more significant than that, and thinking of that person as a "friend" in any context is just weird to me...even if we're highly compatible and have the same values, and get along really well, we are still lovers...and because of that, never really friends....as long as penis is going into vagina at the end the day, I think that changes the dynamic just a little bit (catch sarcasm). 2
Author WhatIsLove2014 Posted September 23, 2014 Author Posted September 23, 2014 I am not easily emotionally attached. I have been in other relationships before but I've never felt like this before and we aren't even in a relationship yet. We talked about our relationship. He said he really likes me and wants to continue moving forward. He isn't dating anyone else and neither am I. The shagging part lol...if we lived closer to each other, we probably would. But so far, we are at once a week. Lol
Crila16 Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 OMG....this is your issue???? There's no stopping it, so just enjoy the ride. Hopefully all will work out. It's so new that what your feeling is nothing more than infatuation. It takes time to really fall in love with someone. As for the 85% compatible. I thought I was 95% compatible with my recent ex. For 4 whole months. Nope. Not in the end we weren't.
Author WhatIsLove2014 Posted September 23, 2014 Author Posted September 23, 2014 I know! I guess what is it...is that I honestly don't feel swept off of my feet, we don't spend every waking moment together though we do talk everyday. I know that I don't know everything about him and time will truly tell about everything but what I'm trying to figure out is how to bring myself back down. I try to focus on the "not so good" side of him and I know he isn't going to show me all of his "not so good" side in this short amount of time. So are you saying that some people just go thru this infatuated stage and that it fades away? How do they get it to fade away?
Author WhatIsLove2014 Posted September 23, 2014 Author Posted September 23, 2014 OMG....this is your issue???? There's no stopping it, so just enjoy the ride. Hopefully all will work out. It's so new that what your feeling is nothing more than infatuation. It takes time to really fall in love with someone. As for the 85% compatible. I thought I was 95% compatible with my recent ex. For 4 whole months. Nope. Not in the end we weren't. I say it's an issue because I feel myself being a lot more affectionate, a tiny bit clingy and I just don't want to freak him out. The 85% is obviously an exaggeration lol but when I say I've never felt like this before I really haven't and I've met a ton of guys and been in a couple relationship. So I guess that why I feel this is so foreign...at least it being so quickly.
Crila16 Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 The clingy is something you're going to have to work on. I'd tell you to try not to be so available or accommodating when he contacts you, but you're in love (lust), so you won't be able to resist. When the hearts involved (infatuation), there is no logic. I know you're going to want to contain your emotions, but unfortunately, it will be difficult. Just try to talk yourself down every time you think you're about to do something that is too much. Just know that it takes time to really get to know and love someone. 1
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 (edited) I say it's an issue because I feel myself being a lot more affectionate, a tiny bit clingy and I just don't want to freak him out. The 85% is obviously an exaggeration lol but when I say I've never felt like this before I really haven't and I've met a ton of guys and been in a couple relationship. So I guess that why I feel this is so foreign...at least it being so quickly. I think you on your way to being the best ever lovers. I have had 3+ years with my SM. It is so describable on the emotions and how we connect. I don't think a soul mate can be 100% of each other, but around 60% to 80% of each other. Too much would be boring too little your one way or another. A SM intertwines who they are to complement each other in many ways. As if you don't need the world to live in. The world seems enhanced by everything about your relationship. Glad you shared more about the details, as many do get caught up in the whirlwind moments. One must put themselves in full trust with the other to truly find and define each others values and needs. Then it is a matter of acceptance. It looks like you have accepted more than you led on. Just having growth pains. Too much at once so to speak. That is what I had even though we are in extreme LDR. Have not touched each other, yet have everything and more in feelings than any other relationship we have ever had. Don't worry about clingy... it will subside, just don't rely on it... get a grip. It is ok to be needy. As it is a sign of missing the other. You can be as needy as your mate feels comfy with. It is up to him to let you know if things seem too much for him. I get that time to time, and we understand when to let go and let it happen or back off a wee spell. As long as you keep open thoughts and trust each other deeply, there should not be an issue that arises, that cannot be tackled. There will be a few here and there as time moves along. Just don't be afraid and fear tackling them on together. One thing, is try to keep your feet on the ground as much as possible. This way you can enjoy and savor each moment. As you will see both of you grow together. Some growth will be arm in arm, and other growth will be independent of each other. To allow trust fullheartedly, there will not be any fears for when you have time away from each other. So let your heart be with his and accept what you have. Edited September 23, 2014 by sdrawkcaB ssA 1
Author WhatIsLove2014 Posted September 23, 2014 Author Posted September 23, 2014 . A SM intertwines who they are to complement each other in many ways. As if you don't need the world to live in. The world seems enhanced by everything about your relationship. That's funny because this almost exactly what he said. He said we are similar but not completely and the ways that we are different, complement each other. So let your heart be with his and accept what you have. Thank you so much! That is some great advice!!
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 That's funny because this almost exactly what he said. He said we are similar but not completely and the ways that we are different, complement each other. Thank you so much! That is some great advice!! Awwwwww, it is so nice to see something like this here. Your very welcome! Ah, so you have a proper man! HA! Thinks like I. Well I sort of messed up on my words... as I did a better job on my original reply with anti SM banter. I got a wee flack on say'n so much about my relationship, I think I made a few here puke their guts out. Not that I kept on and on, just wanted peeps to see a different side of the coin. Plus find acceptance in what they never see much of. I do believe you both have what it takes, just don't let misunderstandings go to the way side. I always make sure if my SM feels worried, to make the best i can in email to allow her to understand, when our time is so limited. You are so lucky, I can only dream for the day to meet my SM. She will not divorce, and I accept it. But leave just a wee bit of hope for the day she is on her own. But I don't want it too soon, as I am not a selfish person. 1
smackie9 Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 Honeymoon stage : lasts any where from 6 months to a year and a half. Distances makes the heart grow fonder....like I said you need to spend a lot of time together and it will wear off faster.
Author WhatIsLove2014 Posted September 23, 2014 Author Posted September 23, 2014 Honeymoon stage : lasts any where from 6 months to a year and a half. Distances makes the heart grow fonder....like I said you need to spend a lot of time together and it will wear off faster. Yes that's the hard part! I am a student and he is already graduated and working. So most days he works long hours so we only have time to talk, not hang out. We usually hang out 1-3 times a week.
TheNextLawyer Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 Yes that's the hard part! I am a student and he is already graduated and working. So most days he works long hours so we only have time to talk, not hang out. We usually hang out 1-3 times a week. Be glad for him that he found a job rather than has too much time on his hands. I thought a law degree would open doors for me, but it was just the start of a lot of headaches. (Just had to check in here as I didn't 'make sense' on my latest thread)
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