irc333 Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 Saw Teknoe post in another thread about how people get comfy in relationships after X amount of months and how they go into "autopilot" mode. I find it interesting, because where I live, couples here are always in autopilot mode and some of those are even married. Some are joined at the hip once they get involved or marry someone. I know this one guy, his wife is a bit on the needy side anyhow, but they have no kids. He never goes out with anyone else. Teknoe explained how it's good to have time apart so that way when you're back together you can appreciate each other. Not so much in some cases. I know a recently married couple, married a year, dated 5 years before that...if you'd ask her what they got planned for the weekend, "Nuthin'" They may mention cleaning or doing yard work, but most of their lives of of the couch potato variety. Now, apparently, when as when mentioned when all couples do is "stay in" I'm assuming sex is happening as you're spending close proximity with one another. lol My last g/f thought we were fooling around TOO much and not enough regular dating., and I had to disagree as it was only the weekends we had did that with a mix regular dating in between during the week and the weekends. We were kind of movie buffs, so when we were getting to know each other, she said she had no qualms with watching movie marathons at home while in her PJ's...I thought (yeah, she's THE ONE!, lol). Of course, if you're laying on the couch together and as the credits are rolling, hands will start wandering. I figured when couples say they have "nothing planned for the weekend", chances are sex is happening at least once. LOL I am wondering how long this "Honeymoon" phase lasts...seems most say 2 or 3 months, sometimes a year top. Is that when couples are humpin' like bunnies, and then it dies off? Perhaps people should sparse apart their sex sessions? *Shrug* But is it any reason to call things off when you reach "autopilot"?
xxoo Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 No, we don't need plans on the weekends. The work weeks are busy enough, and we appreciate our routine together on the weekends. Weekends are for relaxing! Yes, sex is an important weekend ingredient, and usually happens every day fri-sun. Before kids, sat afternoons were typically spent in bed. As for time apart, we don't see each other enough during the work week. I have yet to get sick of him on weekends. But we have our own hobbies and interests to pursue close to home, and we each take time for those on weekends.
todreaminblue Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 i feel a beautiful part of a relationship is when you dont have to be anything or go anywhere to enjoy being with the person you are with, that you can always find something to smile about, that you can have no plans and then just do something impromptu....life isnt always on schedule sometimes it just happens when you arent looking...happy accidents... to me they are moments that often can be really special if you let them happen and not plan ahead to have them.. i have this bucket list of moments i would love to have ...seems i am going through them quickly and have them happen unexpectedly lately i have cleared ten of them in two weeks.....i have never seen a baby plover before ...it was on my list from when i was a girl...i had these plovers swoop me never got to see the babies...and i seen the baby the other day ...racing to the car to get out of the rain...it would have been nice to share that moment with a guy...as it was i shared ti with my mum and my daughter......who told em to leave the plovers alone...lol........life happens when you arent expecting it...to miss that would be a crime.....one of those moments might be while cleaning the yard or taking out the trash or qa conversation to eb had one late saturday morning ....under the blankets when its raining outside........ you just never know....i like those moments that happen....and i like the times in a relationship when life just happens and you actually take the time to enjoy it....life is the journey...the destination is purely bonus.........deb 2
acrosstheuniverse Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 The amount of sex varies from couple to couple: I've had relationships where we've spent literally every available second in bed together, and relationships where it happens maybe once or twice a week. I don't find that the level of sexual chemistry has any bearing on the level of love, affection, admiration and fun together for me. After time of course the amount goes down a little, but usually not for at least half a year. If we have nothing planned for the weekend, that's code for 'we have planned to spend time together'. Wake up when we want, have a lazy and elaborate breakfast, read the papers together, maybe go for a walk or a drive somewhere peaceful or do some shopping in town, cook a really nice dinner and snuggle up watching a film or a series we're in the middle of. I love alone time, but I love even more the long lazy hours I get to spend with my boyfriend, just savouring each other's company and conversation without a time limit or a set of actions to achieve. Although obviously housework waits for nobody lol. 2
Tayken Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 Saw Teknoe post in another thread about how people get comfy in relationships after X amount of months and how they go into "autopilot" mode. I find it interesting, because where I live, couples here are always in autopilot mode and some of those are even married. Some are joined at the hip once they get involved or marry someone. I know this one guy, his wife is a bit on the needy side anyhow, but they have no kids. He never goes out with anyone else. Teknoe explained how it's good to have time apart so that way when you're back together you can appreciate each other. Not so much in some cases. I know a recently married couple, married a year, dated 5 years before that...if you'd ask her what they got planned for the weekend, "Nuthin'" They may mention cleaning or doing yard work, but most of their lives of of the couch potato variety. Now, apparently, when as when mentioned when all couples do is "stay in" I'm assuming sex is happening as you're spending close proximity with one another. lol My last g/f thought we were fooling around TOO much and not enough regular dating., and I had to disagree as it was only the weekends we had did that with a mix regular dating in between during the week and the weekends. We were kind of movie buffs, so when we were getting to know each other, she said she had no qualms with watching movie marathons at home while in her PJ's...I thought (yeah, she's THE ONE!, lol). Of course, if you're laying on the couch together and as the credits are rolling, hands will start wandering. I figured when couples say they have "nothing planned for the weekend", chances are sex is happening at least once. LOL I am wondering how long this "Honeymoon" phase lasts...seems most say 2 or 3 months, sometimes a year top. Is that when couples are humpin' like bunnies, and then it dies off? Perhaps people should sparse apart their sex sessions? *Shrug* But is it any reason to call things off when you reach "autopilot"? Yes...it's easy to think they are spending their time banging, but the truth is most are just there watching TV / playing video games in different parts of the home or even worse surfing facebook. You know what else changes? People let themselves go because there is no need to try and impress that person anymore e.g. no sexy dressing, hygiene goes down, lady-like / gentleman behaviour goes down the toilet My ex was a home buddy, and boy did I hate it...I always felt like I was forcing her to do things, so you can imagine going forward and how I don't want that in my life again.
Toodaloo Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 Although obviously housework waits for nobody lol. Thats why I like to get mine done during the week so the weekend is saved for fun! Auto pilot doesn't have to be bad. Its relaxing into a routine and every couple will have their own rhythm. Personally while I do like snuggling and watching films I tend to prefer to do that on really cold rainy days - the rest of the time I prefer to be out and doing... I fidget. My ex would stay in bed all damned day at the weekends and it would drive me up the wall. I hated it, I found it so stressful. Such a waste of time and life. Tayken just go and find people you enjoy spending time with. Then you are more likely to find someone you have fun and click with and find your own unique "automatic pilot"...
Got it Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 I think the older you get the busier life gets in general. So even while in a relationship every day is filled with things that need to get done. So trying to separate quality time with one's SO and knocking things off that to do list get blurred. Weekends for us are no slower than weekdays. My husband travels a great deal, as well as myself, so if we don't have the kids (joint custody), we are getting chores done, taking care of the animals, etc. But we do our own thing as well, I ride horses, he works out, so we separate and then come back together. Try and fit friends in there, as well as family, different things for the kids, and the weeks just blur by! So for my husband and I, we plan a romantic trip at least once a month were we can get away. Plus hotel sex is always better.
No Limit Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 I remember a woman posting in a different forum how as soon as the guy got "too comfortable" in the relationship - from her description, that basically means the moment he stopped chasing after her - she broke up. In her case that was a defense mechanism from her 1st marriage, were she provided comfort while he was cheating on her. I think autopilot mode is very good when both are busy and stressed with work, kids... the day goes by much easier and smoothly this way, but it shouldn't kill the relationship either. Like posted above, why not make a few romantic days or when kids are involved little holidays in between? My marriage would be dead to me too if I went into autopilot mode for 18 years after having kids etc...
xxoo Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 Comfortable is good. Complacent is bad. The two are not synonyms. We are comfortable with our life and our routine, which includes a lot of active fun together. Sometimes small talk is just small talk. "What do you have planned for the weekend?" "Nothing much" probably doesn't literally mean nothing. Just nothing worth mentioning, because it isn't anything unusual.
Tayken Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 Comfortable is good. Complacent is bad. The two are not synonyms. We are comfortable with our life and our routine, which includes a lot of active fun together. Sometimes small talk is just small talk. "What do you have planned for the weekend?" "Nothing much" probably doesn't literally mean nothing. Just nothing worth mentioning, because it isn't anything unusual. Like sitting on the couch again, watching crappy shows, stuffing face, and countless hours on Facebook/Instagram
Toodaloo Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 Like sitting on the couch again, watching crappy shows, stuffing face, and countless hours on Facebook/Instagram So don't go with someone that considers that as "normal"... Go with someone who thinks going out and doing stuff is normal instead. Just because some people like to sit and stuff their faces and spend time on Facebook doesn't mean its wrong. Just that its not what you want to do.
Redhead14 Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 If a relationship is on "auto-pilot", the parties involved are no longer communicating on a real/regular level. They have basically starting living separate lives. There is an underlying reason for it and since they aren't really communicating anymore intimacy will decline. Plain and simple. "Auto-Pilot" means they aren't driving anymore. Get in the car and drive it like you stole it.
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