Alex9431 Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 Maybe someone else is going through the same and has some words of advice for me... I have an amazing gf...she's smart and beautiful and funny and charming...she's so sweet and thoughtful and all I want to do after work is come home to her every night. It's been 3 years now, and I fall in love with her more and more every single day. Unfortunately, things weren't always so good between us. She was always good to me, but I cheated on her about 2 years ago. I just graduated college, went travelling, and what it comes down to is that I didn't want to make the sacrifice for her. I wanted to have fun, and be young, and live my life. I wanted to experience things at the age of 22...I wanted to be without committments. I was too scared to break up with her, so I took the less honorable route, and cheated. I got back to the states and she left me immediately...and she didn't look back. We have a lot of mutual friends, and she avoided every event where I might be present. It was easily the darkest time of my life. She wanted nothing to do with me, and a lot of my friends wanted nothing to do with me. I realized what I lost, and life didnt mean anything without her. I contemplated suicide even. I hated myself for what I did, and I hated myself for hurting such an innocent person. When I think about it now, I was so stupid. I can't believe I tossed her aside that way. I hate myself for it every day. I called her a few times and wrote her letters...she always hung up quickly, but even through her pain she would tell me that I just made a mistake, and to forgive myself for it. A few months later, I did run into her. She was nice and funny...and even a little flirtatious...but she went home and I didnt see her for awhile. I'll make a long story short - but eventually we did begin to talk again. First we talked, and then we met in person for coffee or to eat...then eventually I kissed her...she let me stay over with her...and months later, we were back together. It was like a new beginning....she was a different person. So much stronger and so independent and so sure of herself. She started applying to medical school, she was working, taking a class, working out.... I got a new job too, (and a completely new outlook on life) and she would tell me that I had changed so much... I still didn't know where "we" were going to lead, and I didnt know how long we would last.. But 2 and a half years later, we are stronger than ever. I slipped up the other day, and I told her she was the one. I meant it too...I just didn't mean to say it to her! She looked startled and more than just a little shocked. She just made a joke, and said "even after seeing me in the morning? You could stand to look at that everyday???" I just laughed too. I didn't really expect her to tell me I was the one too...but I'm wondering...can I EVER be "THE ONE" for her? Will she every fully accept me in her life? The cheating devastated her...and only recently has she clued me into the kind of damage it did to her. She never used to cry in front of me, but in the past year - when we have addressed the cheating, she has broken down in my arms and just sobbed, and asked me how I could have done that to her. It kills me, and sometimes I want to leave so that she won't ever remember what I did to her - or I think that if I leave, maybe I'll take the pain with me. I am a completely different person. I know in my heart I have changed, and I will NEVER ever hurt her again in my life. I would do anything in the world for her...but I am wondering if I'm living in a fantasy. She is going to leave for med school soon, and I am so proud of her. But I think in the back of my head that she's going to realize that I'm not good enough for her, adn call me to tell me that she's realized she doesnt want me. I had her, and I screwed up...and if I do get her in the end, I will be a lucky man. So, I'm wondering if I can ever REALLY have her again...like I did 3 years ago.... Alex
babybear Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 I have been in her position, and staying with the person IS hard...but not impossible. If she really sees the changes in you, and you know WHY you acted how you did, she may find it in her heart to look past it all. Good luck. Babybear
clynn Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Well, many relationships go through difficulties. Good luck with it. Being honest and straight forward and trustworthy now is sooooooo important. And I am sure being at long distance will definitely prove to her that you are loyal and committed, as long as you stay that way and it sounds as though you wouldn't dare be anything but. You could just propose! Lock and seal it all before she leaves. I went out with a guy for 5 years. After about a year we broke up (him with me) and although he didn't even cheat on me, (because we were technically broken up), I knew that there was another girl. I never really even knew if they hooked up or just that he liked her and wanted something to happen with her. The point was that he was into her for a while and broke up with me. However, he never was honest with me about what his emotions were at that time. Although I got back together with him, I was never able to get past what had happened, or not happend. Just what I knew he had WANTED to happen. Emotional infidelity if you will. Mostly because he was dishonest. And if he had only ADMITTED it and been honest that would have gone a long long way. Eventually he did but that was near the END of our relationship. Whenever I brought it up he felt haggard and tired by me bringing it up. But I felt like I had never gotten resolution. So when he finally did admit it to me it was okay but then it just was clear that he had LIED for so long. So, yah, let her talk her out until she is tired of it. Reassure her often. And don't ever give her reason to be suspicious. you sound pretty aware and generally pretty decent. It sounds like it'll work out.
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