nyny123 Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 This past weekend I met a guy my age on okcupid after chatting and texting for 2 weeks and the date went well and we are planning to see each other again for a 2nd date. When I spoke to him on the phone earlier he has given me a hint that he wants to be an item but he didn't flat out say it. There is mutual attraction and interest and I see we are similar in character. We have a good vibe about him and I have a feeling he is a good guy and has what I'm looking for. Now I am afraid if I don't accept the ofter to become official that I'll lose him he is completely different from any guy I met. Also we agreed not to rush things and whatnot and I'm not sure if we are moving too fast if we start a relationship on the 2nd date. Any thoughts?
HappyLove Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 Don't invest too much in "hints" until his ACTIONS prove that he's serious you'd be a fool to believe you could just jump into a relationship so fast. What were the hints? 4
Atticus9292012 Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 A 2nd date to me is way too soon for a commitment and hinting and directly asking are very different. One can be left up to interpretation. One is pretty straightforward. You are still getting to know each other. I could see exclusivity at this point, but not full on committed relationship. Don't accept anything you aren't comfortable with. If he's worth it, he'll understand. 3
mammasita Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 Waaaaaay too soon. Agree to be exclusive, but you don't need to jump into a commitment so soon. Being exclusive is simply not seeing others, you may or may not close your OLD accounts. Perhaps just deactivate. One day at a time, getting to know eachother to determine if a relationship is feasible. Relationship is definitely removing your OLD accounts, planning holidays, meeting friends and family.....possibly living together....etc etc etc.... 3
Author nyny123 Posted September 23, 2014 Author Posted September 23, 2014 Don't invest too much in "hints" until his ACTIONS prove that he's serious you'd be a fool to believe you could just jump into a relationship so fast. What were the hints? True. Well when we were on the phone he said he wanted to ask me something when we go on a 2nd date but wasn't sure to mention it now or then because he said he wasn't sure what my answer would be and it has nothing to do with sex.
Ami1uwant Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 2nd date is too soon. To many times 2nd dates shows a different person either good or bad. Depending on time from first meet, communicating between dates, and what the dates are you can be exclusive in dating after date 3. 3
Author nyny123 Posted September 23, 2014 Author Posted September 23, 2014 Waaaaaay too soon. Agree to be exclusive, but you don't need to jump into a commitment so soon. Being exclusive is simply not seeing others, you may or may not close your OLD accounts. Perhaps just deactivate. One day at a time, getting to know eachother to determine if a relationship is feasible. Relationship is definitely removing your OLD accounts, planning holidays, meeting friends and family.....possibly living together....etc etc etc.... Exclusive that's what I meant. I know that commitment takes time. It's just I have this feeling about this person that I felt before when I met other guys. I don't know it's hard to describe.
HappyLove Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 Exclusive that's what I meant. I know that commitment takes time. It's just I have this feeling about this person that I felt before when I met other guys. I don't know it's hard to describe. If you're still saying how great he is after three months are so...ok. But right now you DO NOT know this guy! 1
truth_seeker Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 This past weekend I met a guy my age on okcupid after chatting and texting for 2 weeks and the date went well and we are planning to see each other again for a 2nd date. When I spoke to him on the phone earlier he has given me a hint that he wants to be an item but he didn't flat out say it. There is mutual attraction and interest and I see we are similar in character. We have a good vibe about him and I have a feeling he is a good guy and has what I'm looking for. Now I am afraid if I don't accept the ofter to become official that I'll lose him he is completely different from any guy I met. Also we agreed not to rush things and whatnot and I'm not sure if we are moving too fast if we start a relationship on the 2nd date. Any thoughts? If he moves this fast to be exclusive... he'll move just as fast to get away from you... 2
Jules Dash Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 I am strongly of the thought that a 2nd date is too soon to become exclusive. On the other hand, when one of my best friends met a woman online for the first time after conversing through email first for a couple of weeks, he asked her "does this mean we are exclusive?" He asked that on the first date. I laughed so hard when I found out. She gave in and said "yes". They have now been married for 5 years and she is currently pregnant with their second child. So it is hard for me to say it's completely a bad idea but I think my friend's case is the exception rather than the rule. Here is a thought: You can always break up with him if you see it is not working and continue to date. I am not encouraging this, I am just giving you a thought. 2
Author nyny123 Posted September 23, 2014 Author Posted September 23, 2014 If you're still saying how great he is after three months are so...ok. But right now you DO NOT know this guy! I am giving it a second thought to wait. I'm just scared I might lose someone who could be the right person if I wait too long.
Supernatural Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 I'd say let him hit some ideas at you, and then you just react. Do what you think is best for you. See how he moves then react accordingly with what you want. Just don't bob his feelings around. Say he does ask "So you want to be my girlfriend?" You could respond with... "I'm not seeing anyone else. I like you, but let's get to know each other more first before introducing titles." If he does respect you and really like you, he will understand and be cool with it. I don't think he would up and leave from your comment. And if he does... He wasn't as great as you thought. 2 dates is way too soon. I wouldn't consider 'relationship' until the 5th date. So like a month of hanging out exclusively - when I have a good handle and idea of the person and their routine, desires, wants, etc.
Supernatural Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 I am giving it a second thought to wait. I'm just scared I might lose someone who could be the right person if I wait too long. Also... If you are the right people for each other... There is never a rush. The only way to lose someone great is to play games with their mind or heart. Someone great doesn't give you a time limit to decide. Be real. Everyone respects real. Even if it doesn't work out for them. 1
Author nyny123 Posted September 23, 2014 Author Posted September 23, 2014 I'd say let him hit some ideas at you, and then you just react. Do what you think is best for you. See how he moves then react accordingly with what you want. Just don't bob his feelings around. Say he does ask "So you want to be my girlfriend?" You could respond with... "I'm not seeing anyone else. I like you, but let's get to know each other more first before introducing titles." If he does respect you and really like you, he will understand and be cool with it. I don't think he would up and leave from your comment. And if he does... He wasn't as great as you thought. 2 dates is way too soon. I wouldn't consider 'relationship' until the 5th date. So like a month of hanging out exclusively - when I have a good handle and idea of the person and their routine, desires, wants, etc. Great advice. I wouldn't mind waiting a month since that will give me plenty of time to get to know more about his character and give me more time to think if I really want to be with this person. I too believed it was too soon to start a relationship on a 2nd date. I really thought about it and I'm going to tell him what you said .
Kid_Charlemange Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 Two dates is pretty fast. You're still in the "honeymoon" stage and both parties are totally at their best. If you are a bad juggler -- as am I -- then there is no harm in not dating anyone else right now, but that doesn't mean you're in a relationship. You're just dating. Don't read too much into it and have fun.
LoneIsland Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 (edited) Some men are quicker than others. You are correct to believe he will walk if you reject him. It not clear to me what his deal is. I suggest you wait until he put the deal on the table and then decide. To prevent him walking away instantly, you can negotiate with him. Tell him you want to spend some time considering his offer for 1 month, 3 months, or 6 months whichever you feel most comfortable and whichever that might work for him. My guess is he will walk if you choose 6 months. 3 months would be border line, and 1 month would most probably be acceptable for him. From the perspective of some males, it makes no difference how worth-it you are. It doesn't matter if you are worth a billion dollars, if you show signals of non-interest, or show signs that might be misinterpreted as game playing, then he isn't going to waste his time or money. After all he has to spend real money up front to get a potential piece of your worth-it-ness that may or may not be obtainable. Edited September 24, 2014 by LoneIsland
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