irresolute Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 Hi all. Long time no visit the forum. I hope some of you remember my painful story. Im no contact but its not really no contact since i check his facebook once in a while and sometimes i check if his still online on the dating sites. But thats all. Yesterday, though, i had insomnia and logged into ashley madison. I still have my account there but i was not active for weeks on a row. So what a stupid coincidence, i chequed who visited me and there he was. He checked my profile at 4 am. And i couldnt resist to check his one hour later. And then i feel really weak. I started to imagine being with him again. I cried. I had to left early from work etc. Tgen i was about to text him but...oh! I resisted. And this is why im posting here. I did not text him and im not gonna do it. I feel a little victory. Just small. Ill try not to check his facebook anymore and ill def. Not loghing in again to ashley madison. I feel sad though. But somehow proud i did not give in to text him. 2
dumbass2 Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 (edited) Im no contact but its not really no contact since i check his facebook once in a while and sometimes i check if his still online on the dating sites. But thats all. Problem is, that is not "that's all". It is a problem and even if you succumb and look just once more it is keeping you from healing. I know first hand. And i couldnt resist to check his one hour later. This is as bad as sending him a text unfortunately. You DO NOT want him to know that you are thinking about him at all and he will be able to see that you were viewing him. Tell yourself this, "My ex felt that the relationship was horrible and wanted out and stopped caring about me well before the break up". Tell yourself that it takes two and understand that this person was not a good enough match. Not your fault. You are who you are. If he couldn't accept that, then it wasn't meant to be. Your ex did not want you, plain and simple. Same with mine. I tell myself this stuff now and it helps. I did nothing wrong and you can't force someone to feel the same way about you. 2 months since I last had contact with my ex and she dumped me, but I'm the same as you and I can feel proud that I have not tried to contact her in 2 months, but I still check her facebook even though we are not friends and I can only see photos she's liked or new places she's liked. Very sad that we do this. Not as much, but again, I am like you in that aspect and it really is that we are not on NC because of it and it is stunting our healing and we are not allowing ourselves to get over this. This is all self-inflicted. Our ex's are not doing this to us. We both need to shut it all completely down. We are close, but not there yet. We have to do this for ourselves. We are never getting back with our ex's and we DO NOT want to. We really don't, we are just wondering what they are doing and sometimes thinking about the fantasy of what might have been. Remember, that thinking is total fantasy. We need to move on and deal with reality. Edited September 23, 2014 by dumbass2 1
Reels Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 It's good that you could actually control yourself.
Author irresolute Posted September 23, 2014 Author Posted September 23, 2014 I know! And im proud of myself. In the past, I'd have immediately texted him. But right now that I know he doesnt want me, I thought it twice. Why I'd initiate conversation with someone who actually doesnt give a s...h.itt about me? Its so hard. Rejection is horrible. But at the end we all have the right to choose the person we want to be with. Why force it? Its unnatural. His lost. 1
Reels Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 Definitely, it is very hard. Sometimes we are not aware of what we are doing, good or bad. One has to be careful, about the benefit or suffering, whether it is short term or long term.
Author irresolute Posted October 12, 2014 Author Posted October 12, 2014 Dear all, One more month had passed and here I am, still. Two weeks ago I logged in our dating site and there he was, visiting me, sending me winks and showing me his butt in one pic (literally. He sent me a pic of him nude). I messaged him on Facebook asking him if he was showing me his butt, we share a couple words and I sent him a kiss, and THAT WAS ALL. I Did not ask him to meet, I did not ask him how he was, I did not care because he did not ask me either. I never logged in again. slowly, he is fading away. I don't even stalk him anymore, it's not fun, and it's not exciting, and at the end, it's always the same. I would not meet him again in the same conditions. I have to drive two times a week the highway that goes to his home, the same highway I took every week to see him for almost 2 years, and the only thing it crosses my mind is: wow, that place was so dark, and I was so miserable... Something has changed. Maybe it's the lose of hope, finally. Maybe it's me that has changed. Maybe I got tired, finally. I don't really know. What I do know is that I feel sad things didn't turn out as I wanted to, I feel sad I wanted him to behave in a different way, I feel sad I did behave so poorly in the past. I regret so many things. SO MANY. But that's allright. Things happen for a reason. I now know I will never see him again, I will never kiss him again, and you know what? I don't feel that miserable. I still feel sad, and I feel lonely, but I'll never go back to those times where I was feeling so miserable. Thank you, thank you all for your words. Thank you because you all were right. Always. And I was blind. Thank you again. FIVE MONTHS ALREADY since last time I met him for the last time. I'm proud of myself
thesculptor Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 Hi, im also doing my best to avoid the former girlfriend. I don't like using the word.. ex.. never have.. but yeah.. i understand. are you up to chat on the phone.. we could be accountable buddies. promise no hitting on you etc. my phone number is 956-472-6995.
Michael 93 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Dear all, One more month had passed and here I am, still. Two weeks ago I logged in our dating site and there he was, visiting me, sending me winks and showing me his butt in one pic (literally. He sent me a pic of him nude). I messaged him on Facebook asking him if he was showing me his butt, we share a couple words and I sent him a kiss, and THAT WAS ALL. I Did not ask him to meet, I did not ask him how he was, I did not care because he did not ask me either. I never logged in again. slowly, he is fading away. I don't even stalk him anymore, it's not fun, and it's not exciting, and at the end, it's always the same. I would not meet him again in the same conditions. I have to drive two times a week the highway that goes to his home, the same highway I took every week to see him for almost 2 years, and the only thing it crosses my mind is: wow, that place was so dark, and I was so miserable... Something has changed. Maybe it's the lose of hope, finally. Maybe it's me that has changed. Maybe I got tired, finally. I don't really know. What I do know is that I feel sad things didn't turn out as I wanted to, I feel sad I wanted him to behave in a different way, I feel sad I did behave so poorly in the past. I regret so many things. SO MANY. But that's allright. Things happen for a reason. I now know I will never see him again, I will never kiss him again, and you know what? I don't feel that miserable. I still feel sad, and I feel lonely, but I'll never go back to those times where I was feeling so miserable. Thank you, thank you all for your words. Thank you because you all were right. Always. And I was blind. Thank you again. FIVE MONTHS ALREADY since last time I met him for the last time. I'm proud of myself This is NOT NC. Which is advised throughout your threads. As long as you maintain this tittle tattle of communication you will never get over this man. You may feel better now until the conversation high wears off but you will then be looking for your next fix. It needs to stop and your lack of understanding that this man jo longer wants you is seriously delaying your recovery time. Its incredibly hard as it is without you prolonging the situation with weird chatting.
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