lehcar Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 What do people think? Should guys always take the lead in dating? Is that still a rule? I feel so used to managing things, that it doesn't seem wrong for me to ask a guy out or text him for a date, but I've heard repeatedly from other friends that the guy should ask me out and ask me for another date. That if I'm the one that's doing the asking, then chances are he's not really interested and it will fizzle out quickly, or something along those lines. I hate to think that this is true. But then at the same time, I'm starting to think it might be. Take this for example: I started talking to old HS crush on facebook and then I asked him if he wanted to meet up. We texted a lot pre-meetup and had a great time. He told me to tell him when I wanted to meet up again. A few days later I texted him to meet up and we had an even better time together and he told me to let him know when I wanted to meet up again. So I texted him a few days later to arrange it. We talked a lot by text in between each date, although it was always initiated by me.. I'd say one thing and then he'd respond and we'd have a conversation. So it wasn't one sided but I definitely started it each time. After our last date, I decided to let him text me and he never did. It's been two weeks today and it's frustrating because I really liked him and I keep fighting myself not to text him. So I guess he was never really into me? Even though on our first three dates he was really sweet to me and told me how beautiful I was, kissed me, etc. He always told me he was having a really wonderful time, but once I let the ball be in his court he decided he didn't care? Did I just waste my time by taking the lead?
Sum12Luv Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 I always feel like I have to take the lead. It feels like I always make the first move Especially with OLD. It gets old.
ja123 Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 I don't believe in rules, per se; but, if you're the one always initiating, then you have to take the hint and realize that "he's not that into you". Sorry.
LostOnes05 Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 I don't think you necessarily wasted your time, he did. You were interested in him and made opportunities and effort to talk. If he wasn't interested why entertain anything or kiss, etc. I definitely wouldn't mind a woman that initiated contact with me, especially if the attraction was mutual. As a young man, I have found that very few women ever initiate contact (at least with me) and then I end up putting in effort when I should just send a "nice seeing you" text and delete their number. It's his loss anyway, but who knows he might have already had a girlfriend or something in the background.
smackie9 Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 I agree....guys go through the same thing with women. I bet money on it he was waiting to see if you were going to offer sex, and since you didn't he isn't going to make any effort to pursue you. Don't worry, next time before you ask them out, make sure they initiate conversation and text messages first. If it feels right then ask them out, or hint that you would like to go out with them. It doesn't matter whether you or them takes the lead, the date can still suck or they do lol.
quidproquo89 Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 I don't think women take the lead enough. In a time where the genders are equal. Men still have to do the chasing. In the case of a lot of women I know, they do very little and always have a boyfriend. When a lot of me who do a lot are always being rejected. Seems unfair, but doesn't look like its going to change. As aforementioned it should equal terms between men and women
WhatIsLove2014 Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 I take the lead in so many things in my life. When it comes to dating, I prefer that the man take the lead. 1
OwMyEyeball Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 Whoever takes and holds the lead is often expected to maintain it. There are no rules to modern dating. The old traditions are dying. You do your best to observe the prevailing trends and fit yourself into a pattern that satisfies your values and beliefs. If taking charge and being assertive come naturally to you then don't give that up.
travelbug1996 Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 Stop it with all that masculine energy. You take the fun out of it for the man. Men like to be in pursuit and now that they are in charge of the dating process. He probably felt like a girl with you acting like that. Please stop courting guys. You're turning them into girls. 1
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