My girlfriend of 7 years "Doesn't love me as a partner"?(Updated, brokeup)

[2sunny]

She's lying to you and cheating on you.

 

Yet you keep saying "let's wait a little longer".

 

There's no reason to wait. She's ruined everything that was good. And yes, she did it on purpose.

 

Don't wait around. Get out there and date. Have fun!

 

But address and work through your codependency issues.

 

You seem to want to help and fix others... Possibly even enjoy the drama.

 

But sacrificing your own happiness for others at your expense is not healthy for you.

[BoiseRed89]

I do agree, after looking over the definition I fit the codependant relationship model. I didn't before, but I excused everything she did because of her cancer. I was in a support group that actually encouraged the behavior.

 

I agree with them that she needed support for this, but this is something else all together.

[chados]

No I was. I would text her every day and remind her I loved her, even when I got no reply. I would leave her flowers and offer to take her to dinner, I'd do things like sending her packets of funny gif's to improve her day. Up until two months ago she continued to tell me I was the greatest person in the world.

 

I don't know what happened. But the person I thought was in there is dead and gone near as I can tell.

 

 

 

but do you think while on the hospital she needed you to sleep there or something like that?. maybe she looked back and thought he should had done this instead? again not saying you didnt do everything you could. but while having cancer especially at young age it can really make her see things differently, even after everything is good again. and i still think it also has to do with shes being scared of missing things in her life like trying to have a relationship with a woman.

[BoiseRed89]

but do you think while on the hospital she needed you to sleep there or something like that?. maybe she looked back and thought he should had done this instead? again not saying you didnt do everything you could. but while having cancer especially at young age it can really make her see things differently, even after everything is good again. and i still think it also has to do with shes being scared of missing things in her life like trying to have a relationship with a woman.

 

 

See things differently? In what way?

[swimswithjeans]

BoiseRed89,

 

So sorry for what you are going through. I hope you are able to look back and things and know that you tried your best. From all I have read, I truly believe that is the case.

 

7 years is a long, long time to be together. And I don't wish to offend you or anyone when I say that cancer really, really changes things. Especially a battle which lasts for YEARS. I don't know the specifics of your girlfriend's situations, but, from my personal knowledge and experiences, I have known a few people who have had long battles with cancer. And all of them, in one way or another, prepared themselves to die. Your ex, especially with her mother passing away with her at a (relatively) young age, probably had mortality issues to begin with. What happens when you prepare yourself to die and then... Don't? I think issues in mortality are amongst the hardest to explore and overcome.

 

We can all speculate on what is going through her head, and some behaviors - such as her reaching out to you and attempting to connect with you - are no surprise given the impact you had on her life and the stability you represent.

 

But maybe she just doesn't want stability right now? Maybe she wants to start completely anew? Maybe she doesn't know what she wants, but actions speak a lot louder than words. You worked really hard to take care of her... Man, you took great care of her as best as you could. Maybe you should try and take care of yourself as well as you took care of her? And I think you will find someone who will make you feel taken care of! It sounds like you truly deserve it, even though I know it's scary.

[chados]

See things differently? In what way?

 

 

well people in general can start see things differently for several reasons. sometimes its just an agething. people who go through something nobody should have to deal with like cancer can definitely make them feel that they have to live life to the fullest. maybe they get closer to their close ones, maybe they have to go skydiving. maybe she's just in a phase that she has to go through. it can take a month, maybe years.

 

 

look. she seems to appreciate you and i dont think you should take it personal. i dont think being sick will justify her behaviour and cheating on you in any way. but i think that both you and me can understand how hard it must have been for her when being that young. i think you have two choices. either you let her go or you support her. if you decide to support her then dont push her to make choices as she probably cant right now. if she's still dealing with tough things shes been through then you have to ler her do that to become the person she was before.

[BoiseRed89]

I want desperately to try this again later... but at the same time. Ignoring me to avoid a confrontation when she knew I'd caught her in an grievous lie?

 

...I don't know how I can get past that. We were on a break, but if she had JUST said she was seeing someone, there was a chance I could understand. But the lying... I don't know how to get past that.

 

She's a fantastic liar, but she always told me she could never lie to me. I'm an investigator with the marines. People lie to me daily, I never expected this from her.

[chados]

I want desperately to try this again later... but at the same time. Ignoring me to avoid a confrontation when she knew I'd caught her in an grievous lie?

 

...I don't know how I can get past that. We were on a break, but if she had JUST said she was seeing someone, there was a chance I could understand. But the lying... I don't know how to get past that.

 

She's a fantastic liar, but she always told me she could never lie to me. I'm an investigator with the marines. People lie to me daily, I never expected this from her.

 

 

yeah maybe she's just in this phase were she cant listen to what anyone says, and that you questioning her made her get even worse. its just hard to deal with people that changes so drastically. the smallest things can change everything for the other person.

 

maybe you shouldt get past that?. if its meant to be i guess time will tell. as for now i think its easier for you and better to leave her alone. you cant be there for someone that only treats you good when its convenient for her.

[BoiseRed89]

As each day passes I find the need to reconnect with her less and less. I finalized my next deployment today and I'll see how I feel in 9 months when I finally come home.

 

It's down to time now.

[chados]

As each day passes I find the need to reconnect with her less and less. I finalized my next deployment today and I'll see how I feel in 9 months when I finally come home.

 

It's down to time now.

 

 

Sounds like you're doing good. You can't really do much more then live your life. If she wants to try again she will let you know I'm sure. You've been together for a long time and that time doesn't just leave her mind within a couple months.