A friendship or more...?

[Eighty_nine]

Long story short- I met a guy friend, Tim, through another friend about 5 years ago. He pursued me sort of hard at first, but he lives an hour and a half away and basically came on too strong for my liking. But we've been friends since, and have both always bounced issues about our significant others/people we were interested off one another. I went to him for guy advice, he came to me for girl advice. That kind of thing.

 

One thing I will say about him is when he is single, he has several girls “around”; some he takes on dates and build relationships with, some he just tries to sleep with. I know this after years of being his friend, and it’s always sort of bothered me about him.. I can see dating maybe two people at once, but I didn't understand why he felt like he had to have so many 'around.' But when he’s in a relationship, I know he’s faithful, generous, and seems very devoted to the person he’s with.

 

About a month or so ago, we both went through breakups at exactly the same time. So we leaned on one another a lot to talk the other through "meltdowns" (ha) or particularly bad days. We started talking on the phone too, which was new for us since we mainly communicated via messenger.

 

Then I asked if my friend and I could come stay with him for a night to get out of our city- again, he’s about an hour and a half away in another city. We all hung out plus other mutual friends, had a fun night. He and I ended up kissing through the night. I slept in his bed with him, but nothing else happened. I was surprised that I did feel a sort of attraction/romantic connection to him- a little, anyway- because I'd always thought of him so platonically. (Although he's attractive, I just wasn't attracted to him previously). In the morning, I saw something on facebook about my ex that made me upset and talked to Tim about it. He said the next day that he thought we had a ‘moment’ that night, but then thought "I guess that didn't happen" when I woke up talking about my ex. I definitely understood where he was coming from, but that’s what we always do, and I wasn’t sure if the kissing the night before had meant anything more than just kissing or not,

 

So after that, things were a little different between us... sometimes chatting like friends, sometimes being a little more 'romantic' in our interactions. We’d continue talking about our respective exes, but a little bit less. So then he invited me to come there again last Friday. We hung out with his friends and had a great night, then walked to the bar where, at points, we really connected. We also walked home holding hands, and kissed/cuddled before bed. That’s it. While at the bar after talking for awhile, he told me "he would date me" and explained that he doesn't feel this way about many girls… which I know to be true, since we’ve been friends for so long. I think he was trying to say he could see something real coming out of this, but 1) we were both drinking and 2) I didn’t really respond one way or another when he said this. Partially because I just don’t know how I feel yet, if I want to “date” him or not- if we’re both ready for it after our exes, wondering if he might see other people too still, etc.

 

However, the next morning, he was talking about HIS ex the way I had the first time. And I definitely didn’t like it, so I just tried to steer the conversation away from that.

 

But things seem strange now. I am surprised that I like him more than a friend, and I don’t exactly know how much yet. But it seems odd to talk about our exes and be there as friends now, the way we were before. I don’t know if I should talk to him about it, because I haven’t spent enough time with him to know one way or the other. AND he lives out of town, so it’s not like we can just hang out whenever. It’s a weird situation, we normally talk basically all day but now I’ve been quieter because I don’t know which direction this should go in.

Edited September 22, 2014 by lissvarna

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

I would think by now you either feel your love deepening since your free to share feelings now. Or you will never get as deep as you think. I think his dating past has tainted trust to the point of going so far. Like you know his history but do you want to be part of it. Until you can remove that from trust, I think you may find him more attractive than you do now.

[Eighty_nine]

He's acting so differently now! Texting me a lot less- it's weird. But when I do hear from him, his messages are more like "How are you?" and questions about my life as opposed to just going on with his girl trouble.

 

Still I have no idea how to take the change. He always texts me first, I rarely text him first. And now I'm really nervous to message him first!

[Cali408]

First, erase your ex from facebook.

Second he's 90 minutes away... too far

Third, call him, go on the offense

Fourth, no more ex talk. Ex talk puts in you in friend zone