Opopop Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 Okay, so a bit of background information. I actually did not want to break up with her, but I felt that at the time there was no way in salvaging the relationship. Before I continue, I’d like to state that our relationship was just about to approach the one year mark and that it was a long distance relationship. Despite this, we frequently made trips to visit each other. The beginning of the relationship was great and it felt like she may have been the one, but slowly as problems surfaced, I felt as though she was slipping away. I couldn’t pinpoint what it was, but please allow me to elaborate. Also, I'd like to include a little background on her: My girlfriend has been through a lot of traumatizing events and is on all kinds of meds for her panic attacks. She found her dad's dead body in his apartment. From what she claims, her ex-boyfriend had anger problems and was verbally abusive. She was also unemployed for a long time and still is. I found myself paying for mostly everything including her bus fares, make-up, clothes, and all kinds of things when we went out. Our first issue – Our first big fight happened when I finally figured out what it was I wanted to do for my next step in life. I had been out of school for two years now and I felt as though I still had not gotten to where I wanted to be. It was at this point where I learned about an art school and that their master’s program in sequential art was worth enrolling for. Now originally, we had planned to move in together. I would be going down to where she lives in New York after saving enough money to rent an apartment, but the more I read into the school, the more I wanted to go. When I told her my plans, she decided she wanted a break from me because she felt that I placed a school she found on Google for me over her and that she didn’t mean much to me. She said she regretted ever telling me about it. It was at this moment that my heart sunk and I started to question our relationship. I felt as though if I had meant something to her, she would have at least supported this decision. I believe her actual words for not waiting was that “she did not trust herself” and that “she can’t do the distance for two more years.” However, she actually ended up going into a make-up program and while it was not as long, I still supported her and actually told her she should go. I just started to feel like it was me making all the sacrifices. So as it would turn out, this fight would lead her to break up with me for the night. She actually hung up on me and ignored my phone calls. I came to find out later that a ‘guy friend’ of hers from years ago had called her and told her he was in town. He had wanted to meet up with her the very next day. Anyway, while I was frantically calling her and begging her to pick up for at least an hour, she was talking to this guy and telling him all her problems. Now, when I asked her what she was doing, she had never mentioned that during the time I was calling her she was on the phone with him until much later. This made me really angry when I found out about that later on. For the sake of this story, we’ll call the guy Jacob and my girlfriend Amy. Jacob told my girlfriend that she deserved better and that she should go and meet up with him the next day. I believe he used the same phrasing “how dare he put a school he found on google over you.” I actually believe that he may have been the one that put this idea in her head initially. Anyway, after she finished talking to him, she finally responded to my calls and told me never to call her or talk to her again. I couldn’t take it. I can’t believe I stooped so low, but I was willing to humiliate myself and so I cried and begged to her like a little bitch until she caved and said she’d take me back. She had some odd terms though. She had already taken me off her relationship status that same night and said she would not put me back on it until she felt like it. She also said she was still meeting up with Jacob. In order to avoid another fight and because I just wanted to be with her, I dropped the subject and said okay. The next day came and she went to have lunch with the guy. She went out around 11:30 and didn’t get home until around 5-6. She texted me on the way there, but mysteriously while she was hanging out with him, she stopped texting me. I felt really uncomfortable with it, but I let it slide. She told me later that she had wanted to preserve her battery. However, I question that because it seems that whenever we had a large fight and go on break, she would go out the next day with a guy friend and ignore my texts, but I digress. She told me that had lunch and that he paid, and that they went for a walk around town/the park. That sounded like a date to me, but whatever, I let it slide again. I grew very distrustful of this guy. I think a little after this is when I began to sense things going wrong, but I’m not sure if it was just me. Issue number two – I began to feel as though she was not talking to me as much and I was starting to feel paranoid about it. We used to talk all day. We would have quite exciting text convos throughout the day and then when I came home from work, we’d continue our conversation on skype. Suddenly, her texts began coming in slower and less frequent. She used to text me in 5-20mins, but then she started taking hours. She used to make me feel more included in her daily life by letting me know what she was up to and she used to ask before making plans with her friends, but all the sudden she stopped. I would hear about her plans last minute or while they were happening. She wouldn’t clue me in to what she was doing half the time throughout the day. When I asked her about what she was doing or anything, she said she felt like I was ‘policing’ her. Anyway, this led me to feel as though she was being shady. Around this time she had been talking to a friend who I’ll call becky. I didn’t mind her at all. In fact, I tried to get along with her as I felt that was important to my girlfriend. Well, my girlfriend didn’t seem to think it was important to mention to me that they almost dated and when I asked her why she didn’t tell me, she said that her personal life is known of my concern and that it had nothing to do with me. She also clued me in on that two weeks prior becky and her boyfriend ralph had said some questioning things to her. Becky told my girlfriend that she posts on the gonewild thread and offered her private album to her. She denied under the pretense that “I’d probably get mad, but if that she was single she would.” She also told her that she should post on it and hide it from me. Ralph, who was drinking that day, also expressed that he would like my girlfriend to visit them and have a threesome. Becky expressed that “he wasn’t really joking.” When I confronted my girlfriend as to why she didn’t tell me this and instead hid it from me, she told me that same reason that “it had nothing to do with me.” I countered with “but we’re in a relationship, of course it has something to do with me.” She wasn’t having it. It was at this point that I really felt like she was hiding things from me. Anyway, she ended up showing me their convo so that she wasn’t ‘hiding’ things from me, but even when I confronted her about she wrote, she couldn’t confess to it. She would flat out lie about saying something else entirely. It was beyond frustrating. Issue number three – This was pretty much the last straw. I felt as things were going downhill communication wise and I began to panic and sensed something was wrong, but couldn’t pinpoint what it was. This must have been a month or so after she had started her make up school. During this time, she began to text me very few times throughout the day claiming that she didn’t have signal. She would put her phone on airplane mode so I began to give up texting her almost entirely. She would text me once in the morning at around 6am and then once at around 6-7… about 2-3 hours after she had already been home. Before, she would text me instantly when she was home and like I said, she used to tell me everything about her day. It was just so strange to me. One day while she was visiting and she was asleep, I decided to snoop on her phone so that maybe I could put my mind at ease. I wanted to see if she had as little time as she claimed to talk. I had found recent conversations with the guy friend from issue one, Jacob. I couldn’t help but look. As it turns out, he had been texted her at least once every couple of days and they would be length back and forths. I even saw that her timestamps were way past the time she said she was asleep on some nights… Anyway, Jacob seemed way overly enthusiastic about her make up school and insisted on seeing pictures of her. When she told him she didn’t want to ‘scare the children,’ he insisted on ‘if it makes you feel any better, I really like your face.” He also made a lot of sexual jokes with her. I don’t know if I was in the right for this, but I was extremely angry about it all. Regardless, I didn’t mention it and swept it under the rug. It wasn’t until I went to visit her in New York the next week that I could confront her about it. Her friend, I’ll call her Stacy, had come back from a long trip and my girlfriend really wanted me to meet her. We had dinner together and during this time, Stacy brings up the topic of Jacob and states that she doesn’t like him. I took this as my golden opportunity and probed her about it. She said that she found him creepy because three years ago when my girlfriend was with her ex, Jacob was trying to hit on her when they were hanging out all night and flirting with her. She confirmed what I already suspected about the guy. I waited until after dinner when we were alone to bring it up and told her I did not feel comfortable with this guy talking to her. She was visibly upset and avoided talking about it until we were upstairs in her room. She still didn’t really want to talk about it, and it wasn’t until an hour later that she came up to me and told me that she would stop talking to him. I asked her to elaborate – did that mean if he tried to talk to her she would flat out ignore him? She responded that she wouldn’t ignore him but that she would be short. I felt as though maybe she was just saying this to make me feel better, so I decided to test her. I asked her to see his conversations with her because I wanted to see how he talked to her. Now, of course, I already knew what was said, but I wanted to see if she’d be honest with me. She seemed very hesitant, but she finally said sure. She then grabs her cell phone and starts skimming through her messages selectively and reading stuff. I knew she was skimming through parts that would get me angry purposely. I confronted her about it and asked her to let me see, but she said “you can already see it over my shoulder!” I wasn’t anywhere close to behind her. I was actually laying down while she was sitting up facing me. I was getting frustrated and decided to test her further by asking her if he ever tries to say anything sexual to her. She white lied to me and brought up some dildo prank story when there was clearly more, but she assured me there wasn’t. I asked her if he ever asked her for pictures, she white lied and said only to see her make-up. I was so irritated that I just wanted to leave. I waited until we both got up around 6 to go. I waited outside in a place I was unfamiliar with from 6 to 1 to wait for my bus and she never even bothered to ask me if I was okay. She never even asked me if I ate anything. I was beyond pissed. It was after this fight that she wanted a break from me. She then decided she wanted to give us one more try, to which I was happy about, but it never felt the same. Last Friday I asked her for a date night and we just ended up arguing. She left me hanging on skype when I begged her to talk about our issues so we can just move forward. I couldn’t take it anymore. She was always crying and victimizing herself so I couldn’t ever bring up any problems. I told her I didn’t want to be with her anymore - that she didn’t respect me and that I felt as though I wasn’t a priority anymore. I wanted to give her one last chance if she apologized, but all she said every time I called her was that she can’t. She can’t. She can’t. She blocked me from skype, facebook… basically everything. I couldn’t even text her, but yet, she still called me sometimes. On Saturday she called me and during that time, she told me that not to prove that I was right, but that she talked to Jacob and confronted him about whether or not he liked her. He said that he did years ago, but that he wouldn’t try anything now because of the distance. That if she were to live close by he might have tried. He lives in Washington and she lives in NY. At the time, I didn’t ask her for what she said to this, but now I’m genuinely curious as to how she responded. I guess I might not ever find out. I honestly felt that she was emotionally cheating on me. Do you think I was in the wrong to break up with her? Also, was I just being overly insecure and should have trusted her more?
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