carhill Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 That is true. Women will always reject you and think you are unattractive whether you are 19 or 90, but as you get older, the physical gap does close. We are all just headed towards being relatively unattractive, and once you hit a certain point, she will still be more attractive than you, but the gap will have closed. For example if you were to look at her closely and naked, the gap between say Raquel Welch and an unattractive woman of the same age is nowhere near what it would have been when they were both young. Yeah, if we were to limit leagues to strictly physical appearance, I could see traction for them mitigating, or disappearing entirely, as time goes by. In general, I think they do. If the thread is strictly about alleged physical leagues, most of my postings are off-topic. For myself, the statements and allusions to my not being attractive enough pretty much ended in my 30's, so the women apparently either lessened their perspective on physical criteria or simply became less vociferous about it. IOW, before they'd tell me 'why' whereas later it was just a 'no', and the latter became more commonplace in my 30's. All that said, here's a potential fly in the ointment, even if only perceptibly. I have noted, with women my age, especially those I've known for decades, who were 'hotties' when they were young, do have a certain aura about them, even if the image in the mirror has changed. IOW, their personalities reflect the attention and adulation they received at a younger age for their appearance, something which wouldn't have existed if not for that appearance at the younger age. Is this universal? Nope! It is noticed enough by myself in everyday interactions, both in their words, mainly in how they speak of others, and in their aura, to be note-worthy though. I'm focusing on women because I didn't date, mate with or marry men. Men have leagues too, both amongst themselves and in the women they choose to pursue. The ladies can comment on that since they have the most experience.
Mrin Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 There's been a lot of league discussion above so I won't go there except to say, "I agree". From personal experience, some of the most attractive women I've met were not model caliber gym rats. Instead, they were just women who were very confident in their own skin. I can't really describe it in detail but they owned their look. How they moved. How they stood. Just everything about them exuded confidence and sexiness. Best of luck!
Ruby Slippers Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 I didn't think my last boyfriend was out of my league, but he was empirically more physically attractive to the opposite sex than I am, which some might think puts him out of my league. I'm not disparaging myself when I say this. It's a simple fact that he had model good looks, whereas I'm cute and sexy but no model, and he attracted more attention from women than I do from men. He's good-looking and together enough that beautiful women often approach him and good-looking women frequently chase him and offer themselves up for whatever he wants. His first week in his current position, he was cornered by a woman in the office who stroked the hair on his arms and commented on how masculine he is. He said the advance was totally unwelcome and embarrassing. He's a conservative, old-school guy who is specifically turned off by women pursuing him - but the fact remains that many of them offer themselves up on a platter to him, and he's aware of that. While he has many good qualities, the bad ones are that he was somewhat vain, arrogant, and insensitive, quite critical and controlling, and had a slightly superior attitude toward me. I don't know if that's because he viewed me as below his grade in looks, or because he's just a bit of an *******. I wonder if he would have behaved that way with a woman with corresponding model looks. I asked him once if he dates in the "safe zone" to maintain more control, and he said no, he doesn't think like that. But I'm not sure I believe that. He always wanted to be in control. My advice to him when ending the relationship was to find a woman he's over the moon about. I know I won't be happy without a healthy degree of mutual appreciation and adoration in my relationship, and that was missing with him. That experience didn't turn me off completely from dating very good-looking men - most of my boyfriends have been very handsome, though I've never been too hung up on looks. But it did remind me to pay close attention to the way he treats me from the get-go, because no amount of gorgeousness will ever make up for lack of appreciation and sweetness. He got back in touch with me a few months ago to wish me a happy birthday (I had said not to contact me for a specified amount of time after the breakup, and he respected that). He made it clear he would get back together in a heartbeat. But I don't see the point. I'd be "set for life" financially, and there would be many "benefits" to marrying him. But at the expense of real love and adoration? I just can't sell myself out like that.
Emilia Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 I think men compete with each other on several levels, one is the attractiveness of the women they can get. They sure love punching above their weight when it comes to looks, you will NEVER hear a guy offended if you ask him how he managed to get such a pretty girlfriend.
jay1983 Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 I think men compete with each other on several levels, one is the attractiveness of the women they can get. They sure love punching above their weight when it comes to looks, you will NEVER hear a guy offended if you ask him how he managed to get such a pretty girlfriend. Same thing with girls, the many are single because they want a guy they can show off to their friends and make them jealous. I get hit on by so many overweight women it's crazy. While average girls throw themselves at my better looking friend.
jay1983 Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 Leagues do exist, for example this girl is out of my league. http://img.izismile.com/img/img6/20131127/640/pretty_girls_run_the_world_640_04.jpg
ja123 Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 It depends on the guys' tastes. I met a guy who was fit, but I was fat enough for him!
Emilia Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 Same thing with girls, the many are single because they want a guy they can show off to their friends and make them jealous. I get hit on by so many overweight women it's crazy. While average girls throw themselves at my better looking friend. Girls yes, women no. There is a big difference. 1
ja123 Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 Leagues do exist, for example this girl is out of my league. http://img.izismile.com/img/img6/20131127/640/pretty_girls_run_the_world_640_04.jpg Naw, you're so cute in your avatar and you have a great personality! 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 Leagues do exist, for example this girl is out of my league. http://img.izismile.com/img/img6/20131127/640/pretty_girls_run_the_world_640_04.jpg Mine too. To be honest, I don't even have women in my social circle or immediate daily life that look like that. My struggles are based on which women in the broad range of +/-average think they are out of my league, which apparently is a lot of them.
Gaeta Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 Leagues do exist, for example this girl is out of my league. http://img.izismile.com/img/img6/20131127/640/pretty_girls_run_the_world_640_04.jpg That's a 15 yo with eyeliner and lip gloss.
Supernatural Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 No one will ever agree on leagues. It's a personal view. I do however, think leagues exist. It just makes more sense. Good-looking with the good-looking. Average with average. Overweight/unattractive with overweight/unattractive. If I'm a 5, I shouldn't date an 7 or a 3. I should look for a 4 or 6. I should date someone in my 'class'. I think the relationship is always healthier when you view each other as equals rather than "Oh she's the beautiful one and I just make the money" or "He's really good-looking and women throw themselves at him and men don't do that to me." I think both people need a similar experience in life to understand each others world. Looks matter. Personality does too. It all matters and there are leagues. If a woman who is a 9 is dating a 4 or 5... It's strange. If a man who is an 8 is dating a 5 or 4... It doesn't look right and it probably doesn't feel right.
Phoe Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 It does come down to confidence mostly. I try hard to say "THERE ARE NO LEAGUES!", but because I'm not confident in my looks, I end up inadvertently creating leagues and placing myself in one. Because of this, I RARELY ever do the approaching, and if I do, it's only with men that are in my perceived "league". I perceive a VERY large amount of men to be out of my league. Surely this has something to do with my troubles. Surely this played part in the fact that EVERY man I have ever approached, rejected me. Even today I was walking into a coffee shop. 2 men were seated outside near the door. They were both watching me as I walked up, so as I reached the door I smiled at them and went inside to order my coffee. A few minutes later another girl walked in, and one of the men instantly came in behind her and attempted to chat her up, before heading back outside. Then as I was leaving, one of them stopped another girl as she was walking by, and as I walked to my truck I realized that they were there solely to try to chat with girls and approach girls. I immediately felt a bit downtrodden. Why did they not try to talk to me? Why did they choose to chat with the other girls but not me? Am I really that heinous? And for about 5 minutes I just kept going over and over in my mind critiquing myself, critiquing my hair, critiquing my face, critiquing my body, wondering what's wrong with me and then suddenly I said to myself "STOP IT. JUST ****ING STOP IT. Good grief what is wrong with me. It doesn't matter. Who cares what they thought." We have to stop worrying what others think about our looks. Stop wondering if you're good enough. Being confident in yourself will always get you more in life. 2
somedude81 Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 It does come down to confidence mostly. I try hard to say "THERE ARE NO LEAGUES!", but because I'm not confident in my looks, I end up inadvertently creating leagues and placing myself in one. Because of this, I RARELY ever do the approaching, and if I do, it's only with men that are in my perceived "league". I perceive a VERY large amount of men to be out of my league. Surely this has something to do with my troubles. Surely this played part in the fact that EVERY man I have ever approached, rejected me. Even today I was walking into a coffee shop. 2 men were seated outside near the door. They were both watching me as I walked up, so as I reached the door I smiled at them and went inside to order my coffee. A few minutes later another girl walked in, and one of the men instantly came in behind her and attempted to chat her up, before heading back outside. Then as I was leaving, one of them stopped another girl as she was walking by, and as I walked to my truck I realized that they were there solely to try to chat with girls and approach girls. I immediately felt a bit downtrodden. Why did they not try to talk to me? Why did they choose to chat with the other girls but not me? Am I really that heinous? And for about 5 minutes I just kept going over and over in my mind critiquing myself, critiquing my hair, critiquing my face, critiquing my body, wondering what's wrong with me and then suddenly I said to myself "STOP IT. JUST ****ING STOP IT. Good grief what is wrong with me. It doesn't matter. Who cares what they thought." We have to stop worrying what others think about our looks. Stop wondering if you're good enough. Being confident in yourself will always get you more in life. Don't beat yourself up Phoe. Maybe they were looking for a quick lay and felt that you weren't easy.
Supernatural Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 It does come down to confidence mostly. I try hard to say "THERE ARE NO LEAGUES!", but because I'm not confident in my looks, I end up inadvertently creating leagues and placing myself in one. Because of this, I RARELY ever do the approaching, and if I do, it's only with men that are in my perceived "league". I perceive a VERY large amount of men to be out of my league. Surely this has something to do with my troubles. Surely this played part in the fact that EVERY man I have ever approached, rejected me. Even today I was walking into a coffee shop. 2 men were seated outside near the door. They were both watching me as I walked up, so as I reached the door I smiled at them and went inside to order my coffee. A few minutes later another girl walked in, and one of the men instantly came in behind her and attempted to chat her up, before heading back outside. Then as I was leaving, one of them stopped another girl as she was walking by, and as I walked to my truck I realized that they were there solely to try to chat with girls and approach girls. I immediately felt a bit downtrodden. Why did they not try to talk to me? Why did they choose to chat with the other girls but not me? Am I really that heinous? And for about 5 minutes I just kept going over and over in my mind critiquing myself, critiquing my hair, critiquing my face, critiquing my body, wondering what's wrong with me and then suddenly I said to myself "STOP IT. JUST ****ING STOP IT. Good grief what is wrong with me. It doesn't matter. Who cares what they thought." We have to stop worrying what others think about our looks. Stop wondering if you're good enough. Being confident in yourself will always get you more in life. What did the women look like that they did talk to?
Ami1uwant Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 Leagues do exist.....there are different types Looks Socioeconomics In the looks generally someone who is a 6 should only date a 5-7. Anything outside this range there are special circimstances like hot chick going for the weathly man or hot chick going with an average man because she knows he wouldn't cheat on her. Socioeconomic...no way a doctor/lawyer marries someone who is a walmart cashier unless they were long time childhood sweethearts. Someone is a career professional will want to date someone similar career. That said it's very difficult to see a female doctor marry a high school teacher who are in different economic classes unless the relationship started in college prior to careers happening. 3
Phoe Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 What did the women look like that they did talk to? They were pretty girls. Caucasian. One was in yoga pants and a t shirt, the other in jeans and a tank top. Brunettes, one was tall and thin, the other short and thin. I don't see any point in analyzing it to figure it out.
Versacehottie Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 (edited) There are most definitely leagues--based partly on perception and partly on reality. You can raise or lower your own league through a variety of ways. Some have to do with looks, some behavior, some personality, etc. Also a "league" isn't a fixed thing. The other person's will vary based on their variables and as you obtain more information about what a person's about. I think people are doing themselves a disservice to ignore that looks play a part. Looks are initial attraction so they WILL play a part. It's superficial but the majority of people are basing some part of their initial decision on this information. Of course, girls play tricks with looks all the time and many guys appreciate a more down-to-earth girl too. The point is to enhance what you've got and present it the best you can. Guys definitely respond to feminine--it's intriguing to them. That said, your personality and other attributes will be the glue that keeps them interested. Your best tool can be your confidence. As applied to this situation, yes there are leagues but throw that out the window and don't let it affect you. If he's not right for you, you will survive to find the one that is. I do think if you concentrate on "leagues" or thinking he's too good for you in some way, you have already lost the battle. People need to feel near equals but excited by the other person for stuff to work. It doesn't matter the sum of the parts that make up the equation that makes you near equals--the fact is that the totals need to be close to the same. A lot of the guys that are way into working out are just vain about themselves and don't necessarily require it in their girlfriend. On the other hand, the other half of them are obsessed and nit pick their very pretty and perfectly toned gf's the same way they are about themselves. I think the bigger issue here is if your lifestyles match up. Dating is for figuring this stuff out. So has he shown any interest? That's the real question you need to know in order to proceed. Good luck! Edited September 23, 2014 by Versacehottie 3
Kid_Charlemange Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 Leagues are sad part of dating. Sure, there are exceptions, but in general, a vast, vast majority of people date someone who is within one or two "notches" of themselves. This is why movie stars date and marry other movie stars: Because they can. That said, I wouldn't worry about it. What's the worst that can happen? The guy says he's not interested, and you move on. Sure, it feels like crap... for a little while... then you move on. I also think the league thing is wildly skewed depending on gender. That is, very few men are going to be anything but flattered if any woman shows interest in him. And virtually none will be cruel. In contrast, hot women at bars are notoriously cruel, as just about any man who's tried that route can tell you. Go for it.
Supernatural Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 That said, I wouldn't worry about it. What's the worst that can happen? The guy says he's not interested, and you move on. Sure, it feels like crap... for a little while... then you move on Then it keeps happening...Over and over and over... Then that person imagines a life all by their self.
BeholdtheMan Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 So my self esteem really isn't through the roof like some girls and I'm always worried I'm going for guys "out of my league" that being said do you guys even believe in leagues or is that all bull? Depends on what you mean by leagues? Some people would generally be considered more attractive than others. That's a reality. If "leagues" simply refers to this reality...then yeah, the idea is valid. People generally date others of similar attractiveness Women generally judge men based on wealth/power/status/charm and physical looks Men generally judge women based on physical looks If "leagues" refers to physical beauty, then I'd say it's quite easy for a man to date above his league if he's sufficiently charming, wealthy etc. You'll see gorgeous women with physically unattractive men who have other qualities to make up for that physical deficiency. I have rarely seen a top-level guy with a plain jane.
Phoe Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 That said, I wouldn't worry about it. What's the worst that can happen? The guy says he's not interested, and you move on. Sure, it feels like crap... for a little while... then you move on. I also think the league thing is wildly skewed depending on gender. That is, very few men are going to be anything but flattered if any woman shows interest in him. And virtually none will be cruel. There's no golden rule that says men won't be cruel in their rejections. I've been rejected cruelly. It happens. However, I do agree that OP should be bold and go for it!
SJC2008 Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 Leagues exist accross many categories, including looks. How often do you see a couple where you do a double take because one partner is significantly better looking?
Kid_Charlemange Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 There's no golden rule that says men won't be cruel in their rejections. I've been rejected cruelly. It happens. There may be no rule, and it may happen. But I've never seen it nor heard of it happening to anyone I know personally, while it's happened to pretty much every guy I know dozens of times. In some cases, hundreds. 1
jay1983 Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 There may be no rule, and it may happen. But I've never seen it nor heard of it happening to anyone I know personally, while it's happened to pretty much every guy I know dozens of times. In some cases, hundreds. I've seen it over 10 years ago in high school, the really immature idiots Other than that I haven't seen it.
Recommended Posts