PinkCarnations Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 (edited) So there's this guy I met a few weeks ago. I don't know how to describe my relationship with him, because he used to be one night stand but now I want to keep seeing him/hanging out with him. Anyways, a few days ago, I texted him to see what his plans were for "sun night" (ie. today). He replied a day later that he doesn't know, and "what's up." Within the hour, I replied with some hang out ideas and also, "but idk.. Do you want to hang out more before you leave?" - sorta a way to confirm that we should continue hanging out beyond the one night stand.. Even though I replied shortly after he last texted, it still took him a day to respond... He said "yeah sure I'm down." Anyways I didn't text after that. On sun, nighttime was approaching but I didn't hear from him. I decided to call him. He sounded pretty lively but mentioned he got the flu.. So we were both "so.. What do you wanna do?" I was like "I mean... You're sick so.." Then he said he can come over and hang out at my apt for a little bit. We both had to go to sleep early. So I said he could sleep over if he wanted, but he immediately said no. He said he had to get a full nights rest. I felt totally rejected after hearing that.. Not wanting to spend the night sounds like he's being really distant. Anyways.. About half an hour later he texted that he feels like crap again so he shouldn't come over and asked if I wanted to do something else this week. All I said was "ok" which is what I say when I feel really let down. Then he said "sorry about this" and nothing more. Reasons why I'm mad: - takes forever and a day to respond to my texts (when I confronted him on the phone, he says he's just really bad with texting) - didn't want to spend the night - didn't bother to call, but instead texted me last min that he couldn't come over (btw he lives across the street, so it's not like he has to drive). If it weren't for these reasons I would have said "aw come over & I'll make you soup" or a simple "feel better." But instead I just said "ok." Am I being unreasonably rude? Or am I right to cut him off for good? This past week his actions have been making me feel like crap. Yeah I know I shouldn't be expecting roses from a one night stand but I can't help how I feel towards him and right now, I think about him a lot. I didn't expect these feelings when I decided to sleep with him the first night. Edited September 22, 2014 by PinkCarnations
Yookie Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 He's not bad with texting. He just doesn't want to give you the wrong impression. His actions say that he doesn't want a relationship with you. In his mind you're still the one-night-stand. Don't expect more. Just move on already for your own peace of mind. He's not going to be your boyfriend. Sorry! 4
Author PinkCarnations Posted September 22, 2014 Author Posted September 22, 2014 He's not bad with texting. He just doesn't want to give you the wrong impression. His actions say that he doesn't want a relationship with you. In his mind you're still the one-night-stand. Don't expect more. Just move on already for your own peace of mind. He's not going to be your boyfriend. Sorry! Thanks for the advice. Yeah I don't see us having a relationship anyway. He's getting deployed in a few weeks and will be gone for 10 months.. I guess I just wanted to see him more. Also we have hung out after our initial one night stand, and it was his idea.
mightycpa Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 My impression is that you're pretty pushy and not at all considerate of his feelings. First, you sleep with him with the express intention of casting him aside. Now, you've decided that you want to be with him, and he's not moving at the same speed you are, so you're mad he's not banging down your door now. The poor bastard is actually sick with the flu, but makes plans to come to see you anyway.Then he probably feels like **** because the flu hits FAST and just wants to stay home and sleep. But because he won't drive over and spend the night in YOUR BED, you get mad. Wow. You're a real piece of work. It sucks to be everybody but you, doesn't it? Here's what I think is going to happen: He'll get better and start hanging out with you. If you don't flake and dump him in a couple of weeks, which you probably will, he'll start to get to know you and he'll back off, and you'll be left scratching your head trying to figure out why, and we'll get to read all about what an ******* he is. 1
lollipopspot Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 - didn't bother to call, but instead texted me last min that he couldn't come over (btw he lives across the street, so it's not like he has to drive). Does he literally live across the street? If so, I don't think I'd bother this much with texting - not past one or two texts. I'd just go over and have conversations. If you live across the street and you can avoid each other this easily, this isn't the relationship for you. Even as a FWB it's going to cause heartache.
smackie9 Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 You ended up having feelings for him, how is that his problem? He has no obligation to return texts or want to sleep with you again, you are not dating or anything. He probably senses you do like him, so he is backing off. Anywho you should just leave it and move on.
Assasda Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 I dont think he wants anything to do with you OP. He wanted to maybe have sex with you, but he didnt wanna spend the night. - He doesnt really care about you. He wants even thinking about keeping the date that you guys set. Move on 2
Toodaloo Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 My impression is that you're pretty pushy and not at all considerate of his feelings. First, you sleep with him with the express intention of casting him aside. Now, you've decided that you want to be with him, and he's not moving at the same speed you are, so you're mad he's not banging down your door now. The poor bastard is actually sick with the flu, but makes plans to come to see you anyway.Then he probably feels like **** because the flu hits FAST and just wants to stay home and sleep. But because he won't drive over and spend the night in YOUR BED, you get mad. Wow. You're a real piece of work. It sucks to be everybody but you, doesn't it? Here's what I think is going to happen: He'll get better and start hanging out with you. If you don't flake and dump him in a couple of weeks, which you probably will, he'll start to get to know you and he'll back off, and you'll be left scratching your head trying to figure out why, and we'll get to read all about what an ******* he is. CPA - she only wanted to know if she was being rude... And no OP I don't think you are. Leave it all be and get on with your lives. Neither of you are that bothered anyway so why bother being mad?
ExpatInItaly Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 You got your hopes up for a one-night stand. I don't think he's being rude to you, or that you're necessarily being rude to him, but he doesn't want to lead you on. He tried to offer an alternative and you didn't really accept that. I've been in an arrangement like this before (a type of FWB situation) and never wanted to spend the night either. That made me quite uncomfortable and I didn't want to give the guy (I am woman) false hope that I wanted something more. I think he's probably got the same mindset - he wanted sex but nothing beyond that. As others have said, he isn't obligated to return your sentiments and it's evident he doesn't feel the same way. You are in no place to be confronting him about his behaviour - he's made zero commitment to you. You're beginning to act as though you're dating him, when that's not the case. It stings, I know, but time to move on.
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