smackie9 Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 Men and women brains and hormones are different. Women have np feeling an intense emotional attachment without having feelings of sexual attaction. The majority of men can't. Emotional attachment just make those sexual feelings even more intense. Men are 99% driven sexually. If you are attractive to them, they will want to plug ya whether they have feelings for you or not. If you offer up sex, 99% of the time, excluding married men or unavailable, they will oblidge. 1
smackie9 Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 ^ This. And that is exactly what happens the majority of the time. They are deceptive to keep their foot in the door and it just gets creepy. This why I say, keep it in the back of your mind that they may and most likely want to get with you. Aways question their motives. 1
TheKook Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 (edited) Men and women brains and hormones are different. Women have np feeling an intense emotional attachment without having feelings of sexual attaction. The majority of men can't. Emotional attachment just make those sexual feelings even more intense. Men are 99% driven sexually. If you are attractive to them, they will want to plug ya whether they have feelings for you or not. If you offer up sex, 99% of the time, excluding married men or unavailable, they will oblidge."The majority of men can't" huh, you really seem to have us all figured out despite being a girl. Maybe you should broaden your list of guy friends. because let me be the first to tell you, you are not describing 99% of men here... lol Wait, what? Are you serious right now? "If you offer up sex, 99% of the time, they will oblidge" MAYBE BECAUSE LIKE, MEN HAVE NATURAL SEXUAL NEEDS AND DESIRES TOO? How often are girls just offering random sex to guys in this statistic you're describing? I'm pretty sure anyone will accept platonic sex with someone they find attractive. That doesn't mean we're all sex fiends because we enjoy sex. And this one might be a mindblower for you, but anyone who is attracted to anyone will want to "plug" the other person. Edited September 22, 2014 by TheKook 1
smackie9 Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 "The majority of men can't" huh, you really seem to have us all figured out despite being a girl. Maybe you should broaden your list of guy friends. because let me be the first to tell you, you are not describing 99% of men here... lol Wait, what? Are you serious right now? "If you offer up sex, 99% of the time, they will oblidge" MAYBE BECAUSE LIKE, MEN HAVE NATURAL SEXUAL NEEDS AND DESIRES TOO? How often are girls just offering random sex to guys in this statistic you're describing? I'm pretty sure anyone will accept platonic sex with someone they find attractive. That doesn't mean we're all sex fiends because we enjoy sex. And this one might be a mindblower for you, but anyone who is attracted to anyone will want to "plug" the other person. Whoa dude I never said you were sex fiends, I will correct my wording of "Oblidge" and instead say it will cross their mind, or be tempted. But it is true the majority of men cannot be intensely emotionally attached without feeling some sexual attraction or wanting something of a romantic nature. If it didn't exist then there wouldn't be multitude of threads on every site about being friend zoned. But hey this isn't from out of my ass, this is 50 years of observation, and 35 years working closely with men. They are comfortable enough to tell me many things that go on in their head. Masturbastion, porn, other peoples spouses, other women, body parts, sex, fantasies/desires, blow jobs, ex GFs, one night stands, the friends zone, using girls, etc. If you don't fit into this catagory, np, that is fine, you are not included then. 1
Author Ashley S Posted September 23, 2014 Author Posted September 23, 2014 Whoa dude I never said you were sex fiends, I will correct my wording of "Oblidge" and instead say it will cross their mind, or be tempted. But it is true the majority of men cannot be intensely emotionally attached without feeling some sexual attraction or wanting something of a romantic nature. If it didn't exist then there wouldn't be multitude of threads on every site about being friend zoned. But hey this isn't from out of my ass, this is 50 years of observation, and 35 years working closely with men. They are comfortable enough to tell me many things that go on in their head. Masturbastion, porn, other peoples spouses, other women, body parts, sex, fantasies/desires, blow jobs, ex GFs, one night stands, the friends zone, using girls, etc. If you don't fit into this catagory, np, that is fine, you are not included then. Good points smackie9! You seem to know about your men! Haha.
Author Ashley S Posted September 23, 2014 Author Posted September 23, 2014 I know it's not a definite and I know nobody really knows what's going to happen, but just from anyone's experience....will he come back around? Do you think he'll be cool and calm with me eventually? Or no? Do you think the friendship is pretty much gone now? I can't seem to let this go! This is breaking my heart!
ExpatInItaly Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 Who knows if it will ever be the same? We can't answer that. You can only focus on you now. He shouldn't the focus any more. Take this as an opportunity to learn some coping mechanisms, because it doesn't sound as though you've ever faced this type of situation before. Do you mind if I ask how old you are? 1
Author Ashley S Posted September 23, 2014 Author Posted September 23, 2014 Who knows if it will ever be the same? We can't answer that. You can only focus on you now. He shouldn't the focus any more. Take this as an opportunity to learn some coping mechanisms, because it doesn't sound as though you've ever faced this type of situation before. Do you mind if I ask how old you are? No I don't mind. I'm 22 years old, and I did face problems like this with people where they would just disappear from my life but it didn't bother me, cause I didn't have such a strong bond/connection like I do to him. I guess you could say I never faced a problem like this one where I have such a strong connection and it would feel like a loss. It didn't feel like a loss when I dropped Kevin (the guy in my previous posts) and it didn't feel like a loss when a guy dropped me in the past. But for some reason he's the only one that stands out. I think it's because I truly value our friendship, and I don't want to ruin that. In a weird way I feel like it's special when it's probably not lol.
Crila16 Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 He doesn't hate you...cause he's crazy about you. He's very very frustrated, because you're not interested back. You probably like the attention and know he's interested...you don't want it to stop, but you're not interested back. You give him just enough to keep him interested, without fully leading him on. Only problem is, he's reading into everything little thing you do. He get's mad when you give a teeny bit, and then pull back completely. like I said...frustrated. Have you told him you're not interested back? I went through what you're going through for 15 years. It doesn't end well...because he'll most likely always carry a torch for you. Even if he starts dating someone else, his girlfriends will always find you a threat. If it's not there for you, you need to tell him. If he walks away, you have to let him go so he can get over you. The kindest thing you could do would be to tell him the truth about how you feel, and let him go so he can move on and find someone who will really love him. 1
mightycpa Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 22? You sound like you're 16! College Park? Not important. Anyway, you're treating this guy like he's your gay friend. Back off, let him lick his wounds for a while. Needy friends are no more attractive than needy lovers. Give the boy some time and space. 2
smackie9 Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 Ashley the reality of it is, people will come and go in your life. You will change friends many times during your life. They move on or you out grow out of them or they out grow out of you. It is what it is. 1
Author Ashley S Posted September 24, 2014 Author Posted September 24, 2014 He doesn't hate you...cause he's crazy about you. He's very very frustrated, because you're not interested back. You probably like the attention and know he's interested...you don't want it to stop, but you're not interested back. You give him just enough to keep him interested, without fully leading him on. Only problem is, he's reading into everything little thing you do. He get's mad when you give a teeny bit, and then pull back completely. like I said...frustrated. Have you told him you're not interested back? I went through what you're going through for 15 years. It doesn't end well...because he'll most likely always carry a torch for you. Even if he starts dating someone else, his girlfriends will always find you a threat. If it's not there for you, you need to tell him. If he walks away, you have to let him go so he can get over you. The kindest thing you could do would be to tell him the truth about how you feel, and let him go so he can move on and find someone who will really love him. I do like him in a romantic way it's just that he bounced for woman to woman and he's not boyfriend material. I wouldn't be able to hand a "open" relationship with him so I remained friends with him more to protect myself from him, not because I enjoyed the attention. That's not the case what so ever. I had this attitude "I would rather have him in my life as a friend than to not have him at all" So even though personally I don't want to be friends with him, I want to be his girlfriend, I even compromised friendship cause of me being afraid to get hurt and protecting my heart. Also i didn't take him seriously when he was flirting with me. I thought he was just giving a shot but wasn't serious. If he does have true, deep feelings for me then yes! I will let him go or I will go forward, but the problem is he won't convey any feelings he has towards me so I am at a stand still. Thanks.
Author Ashley S Posted September 24, 2014 Author Posted September 24, 2014 Well I was telling my friend about him (Adam) and how I feel hurt. I didn't know my friend was going to do this but apparently he went to Adam and asked Adam if he was mad at me and Adam said "NO! I am not mad or angry with Ashley" He was saying that my text messages were funny, when I thought he was "annoyed" by them? That is what he said to me! When I was sending him those funny texts, I said "You seem angry" he said "Annoyed not angry" So now all of a sudden those texts are funny??? And he says he's not angry with me? Ok, well he's not texting me and not talking to me so....I think he's lying and this is what's making it worse. It's like just come out and say your angry with me, and stop ****ing with my head! I wish my friend wouldn't have told him, and see this is why I like to go on forums cause friends go to other friends, and it creates this type of bull****. But now I just feel like my head is being messed with cause if he's not angry with me, then why is he ignoring me? If he thought those texts were "funny", then why was he "annoyed"? Man oh man!
Jame22 Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 I do like him in a romantic way it's just that he bounced for woman to woman and he's not boyfriend material. Take a chance and date him or get out. It's as simple as that. 1
smackie9 Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 Sounds like he's got a bit of a bruised ego. Ashley you value this guy way too much. Your energy is better spent elsewhere. 1
LoneIsland Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 You have gamed him too much and now he doesn't want to play. Short of your begging him to date, the situation doesn't look like rescue-able. There is also a good chance he will see your attempts as fake because he's getting the gut feeling you enjoy the emotional up-downs too much. 1
Author Ashley S Posted September 24, 2014 Author Posted September 24, 2014 Sounds like he's got a bit of a bruised ego. Ashley you value this guy way too much. Your energy is better spent elsewhere. I do value him way too much. I don't know why. The other guys I have been with didn't rent that much space in my head like he does. For some reason I can't handle HIS rejection, but I can handle rejection in general, but I would feel like it's a loss if I lost him for good, and I have no idea why that is. But there's nothing I can do. I'm just really hurt and sad about this. Hopefully the friendship will be repairable but I highly doubt it. It seems to be ending, so I am not dealing with it well at all.
Author Ashley S Posted September 24, 2014 Author Posted September 24, 2014 You have gamed him too much and now he doesn't want to play. Short of your begging him to date, the situation doesn't look like rescue-able. There is also a good chance he will see your attempts as fake because he's getting the gut feeling you enjoy the emotional up-downs too much. It appeared that I "gamed" him, but honestly I didn't have the intention or enjoy gaming him. If there was communication on his part all of this would be settled. He is playing games it seems now, cause he told my friend that he's not mad at me, yet he won't call or text me. he also told my friend that my texts were "funny" when he told me he was "annoyed" by my texts. It's like he is the complete opposite. I don't know if he's just two faced? Or if he's trying to mess with me? I have no idea, but it bothers me even more now that he is giving opposite answers to my friend.
stillafool Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 First you need to make up your mind whether you want him as a friend or boyfriend. If you want him to still be your best friend it's not going to work. He wants sex not just a friend. If you don't want this then leave this guy alone, move on and for Gods sake please let him move on and get a gf.
smackie9 Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 Ashley you just need to find yourself a nice BF for your emotional needs.
Author Ashley S Posted September 26, 2014 Author Posted September 26, 2014 (edited) Ok, so weird....My dad is selling his phone so Adam came over to buy it. It was a total shock cause I wasn't expecting to answer the door and it be Adam! Well I was nice to him and he was ok with me. He kept asking about my new phone but I was pretty quiet cause I was in the throws of anxiety, cause of my professor (that's a long story) anyways I wasn't thinking straight but I was cool with him. He said to me "what are you doing?" I said "I have class unfortunately from 6:30 to 9:40" I should have suggested to do something else after wards or tomorrow or this weekend. But see, stupid me didn't think of that. So he seemed to ignore me and he was talking to my dad, then he was talking to my mom. Then he says "does anyone want to go shopping with me?" My mom and dad explained what they had to do, and I already explained beforehand so I kept quiet. Then he seemed mad or something cause he left quickly and sped off. Ugh... I feel bad! This was another disaster! I honestly, would've gone out with him if I didn't have class, he was over at my house right when I needed to leave, so it wasn't like this all happened in the morning. I just feel really bad! I hope this doesn't furthermore his anger towards me. What do you get from this? And what do you all think how I was? Edited September 26, 2014 by Ashley S
Diezel Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 First you need to make up your mind whether you want him as a friend or boyfriend. If you want him to still be your best friend it's not going to work. He wants sex not just a friend. If you don't want this then leave this guy alone, move on and for Gods sake please let him move on and get a gf. This. She doesn't want him but she wants to string him along and when he doesn't fall in line, she gets ANNNNNNGRRYYYYYY. OP is 22, time to face life like an adult.
Author Ashley S Posted September 26, 2014 Author Posted September 26, 2014 This. She doesn't want him but she wants to string him along and when he doesn't fall in line, she gets ANNNNNNGRRYYYYYY. OP is 22, time to face life like an adult. That's not it! I had class. I can't miss class for leisure time. No matter who it is. I would'v gone out with him if it wasn't for having a stupid class. I just feel bad if he is mad or angry with me even after that, I feel bad about this! I am not sitting here feeling victorious at all.
Mave Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 Honestly, you like the guy. Either date him, or don't bother. Doing anything else comes across as flaky. He might be pissed off because you gave him conflicting signals, and no one likes to feel "gamed".
smackie9 Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 Why not say "Oh I wish I could but I have a lecture I can't miss....maybe we can on Saturday if you are not busy." But instead you just stood there. When there is communication, there is no drama.
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