R3d's Issues (4/5): Fluctuating Confidence

[R3d]

I have deconsolidated the issues outlined in the OP of this thread into five different threads because people were finding it too much to take in. I agree that my OP was very long especially with my tendency to ramble on and on so I have broken into bites to which anyone who is interested in responding to one piece can do so without the burden of all the other information. This is part 4 of the series:

 

And you know why I am acting so reluctant this time to let go of this issue? It's because I have noticed a trend that just won't end. It feel okay for a while, then insecure, then feel okay, then insecure. Okay after you people mollify me. I am tired of this ****. It's like I can't STAY secure.

 

So that's the reason I am being really stubborn and pedantic right now. Because if I let go too easily, I will be back to square one again. This time I want ny insecurities minimized once and for all! I am frustrated with this fluctuation between secure and insecure.

 

That's why I am trying to work out every aspect of my issues, confusion, and uncertainty here.

 

Another thing. I said this in one of my major posts. I don't know what it is but like I said, my confidence/insecurity keeps fluctuating. A few days I will feel like **** and try to convince everyone that I am ****ed in the dating scene because I am short and Indian. Then I'll be fine for a few days and hardly post and think it's not a big deal. Over and over again. It's like a sine graph. Right now, I have passed (3pi/2, -1) which was me feeling like absolute **** and am near (2pi, 0) which is me feeling. But I know that for some reason, it will be short-lived and I will be back to insecurity again at (7pi/2, -1) and I still DO want answers to those questions. Just saying.

 

Thing is that I seem to be able to convince myself very easily that I won't stand a chance in the dating scene because I am short and Indian COMBINED (remember The Principle of Two Weaknesses). So I seek out people to COUNTER that and refute my convincing. That's how I learn best when I am stuck on an issue - when people outreason me. That's why I come here whenever I am at an x value to which y equals -1 on that sine graph which represnets confidence. Also, if you people can refute my reasoning, I can come back at later times when my confidence = -1 and reconvince myself. The problem is that I am not entirely convinced right now that a short AND Indian man can succeed in dating. Like I said in my major posts, you people keep citing short OR Indian men, but never that are both. And remember, The Principle of Two Weaknesses. All in the OP.

 

EDIT: sorry for the typing errors. Again, done on my phone with no auto-correct. I fixed the auto-correct (it corrects as I type this), so there shouldn't be nearly as many typing errors in the future and I apologize for any inconvenience as a result of previous ones.

 

I know, I got a little carried away there with the sine graph analogy. But hopefully you got the point.

[xxoo]

I suggest you print all these posts out and talk to a counselor. You fears are neither warranted not helpful, and your obsession is alarming.

 

People are meant to bond and mate. Most everybody manages it, although maintaining a relationship longterm is a challenge. You are going to psych yourself out and create real problems for yourself (as opposed to your height and ethnicity, which are common to millions of people who manage to attract mates.

[R3d]

I am actually worried about the initial attraction phase. THAT is where I am having my problems. I have a feeling that once I can get past this, I might actually do well in maintaining a relationship because my characteristics and nature are very relationship-oriented/romantic. Of course, this is a very rough guess and I could be horribly wrong since I haven't even been in a relationship.

 

My point is it won't matter how good or bad I am at maintaining a relationship if I can't even land one in the first place. That's where I am having my problems.

 

And the reason I am obsessing is like the thread title suggests: fluctuating confidence. Until I can get to a steady y = 1, or close to it, I am going to keep having the tendency to come back here over and over again. That's why I am trying to settle these issues once and for all, so even if it stays like a sine graph, I can come back here and reconvince myself whenever y = -1.