Author jjtr Posted September 22, 2014 Author Posted September 22, 2014 It would help if you were at least as busy as her but if you are not and you are not someone who can date more than one person at a time, all your free time is just going to be focused on her. The balance will be off. I believe that you are calm cool and collective when you are around her but the time away seems to be what do a lot of guys in because when they are not being pacified by the woman's presence or constant attention, they start sabotaging themselves from anxiety. She has not made up her mind about you yet. Don't go and shoot yourself in the foot. Don't make her make a decision about you prematurely. The early decision will be forced and likely unkind to you. I am definitely not as busy as her. I mean, I keep busy on the weekends with friends and the like, but most weeknights are pretty uneventful for me, which is when the overthinking usually occurs. I have been trying to calm myself, and I think I have a little since a few weeks ago, but it's an ongoing process. Just need to keep telling myself that the more I can practice patience and not overanalyze everything, the better chance this has to work. Thanks for your advice! I do appreciate it.
Author jjtr Posted September 22, 2014 Author Posted September 22, 2014 So, after we agreed to Thursday, I threw out the idea of meeting up one of the mornings we both work for breakfast at a place that is pretty central to where we both work. She replied, "that could be fun!" My question is: Do you guys think I should push my luck this week and suggest breakfast on Wednesday of this week? I mean, she has said she wants to see me more, but I just don't know if pushing it with back-to-back days would be good? What do you think?
Jules Dash Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 There are certain situations where back to back days can be good, this isn't one of them. Don't push your luck or come off as clingy. Set up the day for breakfast when you see her Thursday. One date at a time!
Author jjtr Posted September 22, 2014 Author Posted September 22, 2014 There are certain situations where back to back days can be good, this isn't one of them. Don't push your luck or come off as clingy. Set up the day for breakfast when you see her Thursday. Yeah, I was leaning towards waiting until next week. I am just never sure what a good balance between overbearing and not forward enough is. Maybe on Thursday I'll suggest next Monday for breakfast and then a full-day date on that following weekend or something. I feel like book-ending the week is a pretty solid plan.
heartshaped Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 No. No, back to back this early on. I didn't realize she was in law school until your later posts, but that plus working a few days a week obviously is a lot to take on. I'd see her on Thursday and then schedule the breakfast for a day next week perhaps and then maybe see if you can work in another date next week as well.
Author jjtr Posted September 22, 2014 Author Posted September 22, 2014 No. No, back to back this early on. I didn't realize she was in law school until your later posts, but that plus working a few days a week obviously is a lot to take on. I'd see her on Thursday and then schedule the breakfast for a day next week perhaps and then maybe see if you can work in another date next week as well. Yeah, that's what I think I'm going to do. And that's also a big part of what is keeping me kind of hopeful that she isn't seeing anyone else. If she's dating me and other guys while working and going to law school. More power to her, I guess. Though, I really don't think she is based on when she texts and what she brought up about the OLD site we met on during our last date. But yeah, I think next week is the week where I'll suggest a couple of days. She did agree that we should see each other more, so I don't think it'd be unreasonable/seem clingy to suggest at some point, right?
Elias33 Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 Just don't over think things. Most of the time, thinking will land you in trouble, so do your thing, and stop worrying. Sometimes less is more. Plan the date, and lean back for a while.
Jules Dash Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 Yeah, that's what I think I'm going to do. And that's also a big part of what is keeping me kind of hopeful that she isn't seeing anyone else. If she's dating me and other guys while working and going to law school. More power to her, I guess. Though, I really don't think she is based on when she texts and what she brought up about the OLD site we met on during our last date. But yeah, I think next week is the week where I'll suggest a couple of days. She did agree that we should see each other more, so I don't think it'd be unreasonable/seem clingy to suggest at some point, right? In general, you keep stringing them along one date at a time until you are fully in the door then you can start setting up multiple dates. You wont go from setting up one date to setting up 3 or or 4 pending dates. You can have two pending dates once you have reached consistent success with the single ones. Set up the next date by the time you drop her off from the current date or the following day. I never found a huge difference from doing it either way.
mrgoodcat Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 Well, it depends on how far past date 5 he is. If it is date 7, he is still very much in the probationary period. If it is date 15, he has the job. If it date 20, he has the job and health insurance. I believe you're never out of the woods until you have had sex(assuming she's not some whore). And if sex was bad, you're back in the woods, so watch some video on giving fellatio to women. If you have 10 dates without sex, something is wrong or somebody is really religious.
Jules Dash Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 If you have 10 dates without sex, something is wrong or somebody is really religious. Sex complicates things as you pointed out. That why I posted a general rule. It tends to cover the very religious and the very nonreligious.
Author jjtr Posted September 22, 2014 Author Posted September 22, 2014 In general, you keep stringing them along one date at a time until you are fully in the door then you can start setting up multiple dates. You wont go from setting up one date to setting up 3 or or 4 pending dates. You can have two pending dates once you have reached consistent success with the single ones. Set up the next date by the time you drop her off from the current date or the following day. I never found a huge difference from doing it either way. Define consistent success with single ones. We've been at one a week the entire time (sans a few days more than a week between first and second date and zero for two weeks while we were each on vacations). We've never had a hitch in our one-a-week plans.
Omega87 Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 Try to have more fun with this man. It all sounds very structured and boring, I know there are schedule conflicts but that's life. Tease her a bit and the meeting up will happen. Coming online to get help trying read into her very simple texts is really exploiting that you have some insecurities to deal with. I personally hate texting, but its a sad reality that relationships and new connections can deteriorate through lame texting. When I have to do it I'm always trying to make her smile or giggle, that's it. She won't lose interest in when you're both free things'll happen.
mrgoodcat Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 You should do what a lot of guys seem to do. After about 10 minutes of having your text message ignored, start spamming her phone with angry and insistent messages. Keep going until about 3 in the morning. Then come on here and ask how to fix it. Joke! 90% of the time it's a good thing because you save yourself a lot of time and PITA dealing with a flake/undecided. It's not worth the time and doubts.
todreaminblue Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 i think what you wrote was incredibly thoughtful......if she cares for you that text should not make a difference not one iota of difference she should appreciate your thoughtfulness......being thoughtful.....in my experiences is never a bad thing if she isnt overwhelmed or needing to slow down she would most likely just let you know that.......deb
Author jjtr Posted September 23, 2014 Author Posted September 23, 2014 I have an update. I was mulling over the breakfast suggestion and finally said, "screw it, I'm asking her. I don't care if it'll be back-to-back days." Yeah, I was feeling confident and willing to throw caution to the wind today Waited five minutes and got a, "breakfast sounds great!" response. Needless to say, I'm feeling great right now!
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