jjtr Posted September 21, 2014 Posted September 21, 2014 I'm kicking myself because I think I may have just messed up and now I'm worried I may have just ruined what we had going. I've seen this girl five times now and on our last date things got sexual. Sunday is always when I ask her what her week looks like so that I can try to arrange for a date. She said her schedule is the same and suggested we do lunch on Thursday because she didn't have class until later. I told her I'd check tomorrow at work, because I thought I had a department lunch that day and then told her the only other day that wouldn't work for me would be Wednesday. For whatever reason, I think I read into her response too much and sent her back something saying, "Just let me know what works best for you. I feel like I'm overwhelming you a bit. Let me know if you want me to slow down." I haven't received anything back since that text over an hour ago. I'd super worried I messed things up with one little text and I'm going into panic mode, but I thought me acknowledging that I might be overwhelming her would be a good thing to acknowledge. But now I don't know! I really like this girl and don't want it to end on this. I need some advice.
Jules Dash Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 Your text is not a huge deal but generally don't mention anything about slowing down to a woman you want to continue to date. It's a nice arrow to the heart of romance. Either slow it down to your liking without the announcement or keep going with the flow. If she has a change of heart because of your text, she probably wasn't all that fired up about you in the first place. 1
Author jjtr Posted September 22, 2014 Author Posted September 22, 2014 (edited) She texted back saying that it's not overwhelming, just terrible to plan because of her night classes. I don't know what to say back now because I'm so worried about coming off awkward again. When we last hung out, she agreed to trying to see each other more, so I don't know why I ever sent that text about overwhelming. Gah! I always do this. Should I respond back with a suggested night? Edited September 22, 2014 by jjtr
mightycpa Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 Tell her you want to meet for 30 minutes, and bring a paper calendar with you. Write down her classes and obligations, and tell her you'll find something cool to do when it works for both of you, and to stand by. Give her a big kiss, and go find something cool to do that works for both of you. Be a little creative jjtr. Turn your lemons into lemonade, and stop saying **** that puts you in WTFistan. 1
Author jjtr Posted September 22, 2014 Author Posted September 22, 2014 Well, I suggested that tomorrow we try the restaurant she wanted to go to last week that we didn't make it to before it closed. Waiting to hear back. For some reason I have a bad feeling about what kind of message I'll get back. Praying that I'm wrong, though.
heartshaped Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 Look, she likes you. You are past date five at this point. You are pretty golden. Just don't say anything awkward, stop freaking out, and try as best as you can to be accommodating to her schedule while keeping in mind your own.
Jules Dash Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 Look, she likes you. You are past date five at this point. You are pretty golden. Just don't say anything awkward, stop freaking out, and try as best as you can to be accommodating to her schedule while keeping in mind your own. Well, it depends on how far past date 5 he is. If it is date 7, he is still very much in the probationary period. If it is date 15, he has the job. If it date 20, he has the job and health insurance.
mightycpa Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 Yeah, you're wrong. She signaled for you to calm the **** down by ignoring your whiny "slow down" comment, and actually explaining to you what the problem was. But pretty soon, she's going to clue in to your insecurity, so you'd better work on that **** real soon, like right now. Before you send any more texts, you ask yourself what a confident and grateful man would say. Then send that instead of whatever you were thinking.
Author jjtr Posted September 22, 2014 Author Posted September 22, 2014 Yeah, you're wrong. She signaled for you to calm the **** down by ignoring your whiny "slow down" comment, and actually explaining to you what the problem was. But pretty soon, she's going to clue in to your insecurity, so you'd better work on that **** real soon, like right now. Before you send any more texts, you ask yourself what a confident and grateful man would say. Then send that instead of whatever you were thinking. What am I wrong about?
mightycpa Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 Your bad feeling. I think you're fine at this juncture.
Author jjtr Posted September 22, 2014 Author Posted September 22, 2014 Your bad feeling. I think you're fine at this juncture. Yeah, sorry, I realized what you were referencing after I posted that. I made a suggestion for tomorrow and am still waiting for a reply. If she says no to that or that doesn't work, do I suggest a different day or put the ball back in her court?
mightycpa Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 Secure a time/place that does work. Don't ignore early in the AM, even if you have to get up an hour early to make it work. This is of course for the sole purpose of a) getting her schedule and b) putting the idea in her head that you are willing to do the work to make it work.
Author jjtr Posted September 22, 2014 Author Posted September 22, 2014 Secure a time/place that does work. Don't ignore early in the AM, even if you have to get up an hour early to make it work. This is of course for the sole purpose of a) getting her schedule and b) putting the idea in her head that you are willing to do the work to make it work. I pretty much know her weekly schedule in terms of things that are consistently set in place. Obviously she could always make plans with friends, etc. which is why I always ask how it's looking. I would have asked for next weekend but I know she's out of town again this upcoming weekend. But yeah, I would fit her in anywhere I could. I wish I could have for sure said yes to her lunch idea, but I think I have a work lunch that day.
Author jjtr Posted September 22, 2014 Author Posted September 22, 2014 Breakfast. Go the extra mile. I would, but I know she isn't a morning person. Guess it wouldn't hurt to try, though. There is a breakfast place that is close to each of our workplaces and she works on MWF mornings.
Author jjtr Posted September 22, 2014 Author Posted September 22, 2014 She apologized and said Monday wouldn't work (and said sorry because it contradicted her saying she wanted to see me more too) and countered with Thursday, which I agreed to. Is it odd that she seems to only book Thursdays? At least lately? I know that it makes sense within her schedule (it's her last day of class for the week, so theoretically she wouldn't have to work on homework), but it has crossed my mind as odd. I mean, we have gone out on other days, but lately Thursdays has been the go to since probably she started back up at school outside of a Friday a few weeks back. Anyway, I told it was fine and that I know her free time is precious right now. Just glad that she has agreed to go out again.
UltimaWeapon Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 Maybe she just is free that time- you are thinking too much into it. If she flops ok but if she makes this date- you should be fine
Jules Dash Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 He could be thinking too much into it but a lot of times our instincts or experience with the love interest in question appropriately sets off alarms in our heads. It is sometimes difficult to absorb the essence of these subtle changes in behavior through a post and it can be best appreciated by actually experiencing it. I get the feeling that she is undecided about you. You are still very much in the probationary period with her. Don't talk to much or try to impress her. Keep calm, cool and collective. Take it one date at a time. Just one date at a time.
Author jjtr Posted September 22, 2014 Author Posted September 22, 2014 He could be thinking too much into it but a lot of times our instincts or experience with the love interest in question appropriately sets off alarms in our heads. It is sometimes difficult to absorb the essence of these subtle changes in behavior through a post and it can be best appreciated by actually experiencing it. I get the feeling that she is undecided about you. You are still very much in the probationary period with her. Don't talk to much or try to impress her. Keep calm, cool and collective. Take it one date at a time. Just one date at a time. I feel like she is being sincere, but I do have other thoughts lingering based on past experiences. I don't think that it's fair to project those on her. I mean, law school classes on top of three work days a week certainly doesn't leave her with an unlimited supply of time. I think I am into it more than her right now, but I don't think she is not into it either. That and she has admitted that she is kind of socially awkward, so maybe she is kind of timid about stuff. Last week, even after dropping hints, she said she would have just sat on the couch had I not made a move. I guess that could be viewed as a sign that she isn't that into it, too, though? I don't know. I know that I am over analyzing this, but I really like her and really want to see this blossom into something. It's difficult to keep calm and remain patient.
lollipopspot Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 I made a suggestion for tomorrow and am still waiting for a reply. If she says no to that or that doesn't work, do I suggest a different day or put the ball back in her court? You should do what a lot of guys seem to do. After about 10 minutes of having your text message ignored, start spamming her phone with angry and insistent messages. Keep going until about 3 in the morning. Then come on here and ask how to fix it. Joke!
Author jjtr Posted September 22, 2014 Author Posted September 22, 2014 You should do what a lot of guys seem to do. After about 10 minutes of having your text message ignored, start spamming her phone with angry and insistent messages. Keep going until about 3 in the morning. Then come on here and ask how to fix it. Joke! Surprisingly, I know better than that
Jules Dash Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 I feel like she is being sincere, but I do have other thoughts lingering based on past experiences. I don't think that it's fair to project those on her. I mean, law school classes on top of three work days a week certainly doesn't leave her with an unlimited supply of time. I think I am into it more than her right now, but I don't think she is not into it either. That and she has admitted that she is kind of socially awkward, so maybe she is kind of timid about stuff. Last week, even after dropping hints, she said she would have just sat on the couch had I not made a move. I guess that could be viewed as a sign that she isn't that into it, too, though? I don't know. I know that I am over analyzing this, but I really like her and really want to see this blossom into something. It's difficult to keep calm and remain patient. Being socially awkward really won't work well as an attorney. This comment is almost like the hot model telling you how geeky she is. You know it's BS 99% of the time. I would be concerned with you finding it difficult to be calm and remaining patient. Desperateness will drip from you and leave a trail which she will pick up on from the other side of the globe. You know how they say a shark can detect a drop of blood in the water even when they are one billion miles away from it? Think that when it comes to her detecting your lack of patience and calmness already reflected in your "slow down" text. Remain calm, cool and collective. Are you dating anyone else? It really can help.
Jules Dash Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 You should do what a lot of guys seem to do. After about 10 minutes of having your text message ignored, start spamming her phone with angry and insistent messages. Keep going until about 3 in the morning. Then come on here and ask how to fix it. Joke! Those posts always kill me. Someone commits dating suicide with road rage like text then wants advice on how to fix it. Ain't no coming back from those texts. Recovery chance is close to zero.
Author jjtr Posted September 22, 2014 Author Posted September 22, 2014 Being socially awkward really won't work well as an attorney. This comment is almost like the hot model telling you how geeky she is. You know it's BS 99% of the time. I would be concerned with you finding it difficult to be calm and remaining patient. Desperateness will drip from you and leave a trail which she will pick up on from the other side of the globe. You know how they say a shark can detect a drop of blood in the water even when they are one billion miles away from it? Think that when it comes to her detecting your lack of patience and calmness already reflected in your "slow down" text. Remain calm, cool and collective. Are you dating anyone else? It really can help. I think she means she is socially awkward when it comes to dating/romantic relationships. She is very personable and easy to talk to in general. I get what you mean, but I don't think she's exactly BSing about it. I'm not dating anyone else. I had a few other first dates after I first started seeing her, but they didn't really click and I shifted my attention to her. I knew that there might be something when we communicated every day over two weeks of vacation that came right after date two. That made me realize that she might be into me. That and I just can't do the multi-dating thing. At least not now, when I'm a handful of dates and physical intimacy into it with her. That is just not me, for better or worse. And I know based on my posting it may sound asinine, but I am calm, comfortable and confident while with her. It's the in-between time where I am alone, sitting around and thinking about things that does me in. I really wish I knew how to better calm myself during these times. Everything, to me, for the most part indicates this could go somewhere. Her roommate said she liked me, a random stranger at the bar (though he may have had a few ) said we were great together and she does put in effort to talk to me and stay in touch. If she wasn't into it, I feel like she'd be gone completely. I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and chalk it up to the start of school. If things stay where they are though and she is still struggling to make time to see me more, I may rethink things. But I really enjoy her company and like her. I have not dated someone as easy to talk to and feel comfortable around in quite awhile, which also might be why I am doing all this thinking: I haven't had an actual relationship in ages.
Jules Dash Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 It would help if you were at least as busy as her but if you are not and you are not someone who can date more than one person at a time, all your free time is just going to be focused on her. The balance will be off. I believe that you are calm cool and collective when you are around her but the time away seems to be what do a lot of guys in because when they are not being pacified by the woman's presence or constant attention, they start sabotaging themselves from anxiety. She has not made up her mind about you yet. Don't go and shoot yourself in the foot. Don't make her make a decision about you prematurely. The early decision will be forced and likely unkind to you.
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