Possible new development and I just want to know the right thing to do

[tory1012]

So me and the ex have been talking and from what he says it is evident that he still misses and loves me. There was no cheating involved in our break-up.

 

He said that he wants to be single for the rest of his life haha! Also that I opened his eyes where I told him that all his relationships end out the same including ours.

 

I love this man and if the relationship is over then I accept that but I want to give it the best chance of reconciliation. He told me last night that's its a shame because he thought I was the one and that I was so good before all the bad stuff happened in our realtionship ( you can read my other posts).

 

He keeps giving me mixed signals and telling me he loves me and misses me. Basically I want to know - does anybody think that there is a shot. I'm just so confused. Maybe he needs time and space? We were engaged to get married. He said that he needed to move rooms as a refresher and that he can't sleep because I am not next to him.

[CarrieT]

Basically I want to know - does anybody think that there is a shot.

Nope. Because of this:

He said that he wants to be single for the rest of his life.

 

Go NoContact immediately. He is too much of a mess and the constant breadcrumbs is doing you no good.

 

You won't be able to move on as long as you keep opening the door to his whining and waffling. Advise him that it is too painful for you to play these types of games and you need to go No Contact for your own health.

[BC1980]

He's using you to get through the transition and the grief. I will tell you this about dumpers. Often, they miss what they thought the relationship could have been and the dreams attached to it. They don't actually miss the person they dumped in the way that you miss them. I'm sure he misses you to an extent, but it's not what you are feeling. If he wanted you, he would do all he could to get you back.

[strong-hearted]

i agree, when my ex broke up with me he said he wasn't happy with me any more, and honestly i thought to myself the minute they say that it's just best to let it go and walk away, but deep in my heart i still have hope that he comes back cuz we were together for two years and we had an amazing relationship, he even told me he knew what we had but he still decided to throw it all away =[

[tory1012]

Yeah I know - I haven't really left him alone since the break-up.

 

I suppose i'm just still hanging on to a failing relationship.

 

NC is so hard - It really is a test of will power and perseverance isn't it.

[BC1980]

Yeah I know - I haven't really left him alone since the break-up.

 

I suppose i'm just still hanging on to a failing relationship.

 

NC is so hard - It really is a test of will power and perseverance isn't it.

 

I would stick to NC like a religion. It's for your own sake because you will never move on otherwise. My ex would text me quite frequently, saying he missed me and other sentimental cr@p. He would say he still loved me and wanted it to work out one day. I fell for all of that BS, but I now realize that he was going through his own grief. He was the type who really idealized his first marriage (his first wife died), and he wanted to get married to have a family again. When he would contact me, I think he was grieving the loss of that hope of me completing his family again.

 

It's really hard to admit that because it means that he didn't love me enough as a person to continue the relationship. He loved the idea that I could somehow bring back what he had with his wife. His grief was focused on the lost dream of that and not on losing me. I honestly don't think he cared that much about losing me but of losing what I could have done for him.

 

I guess I'm saying all of this, so you can realize that dumpers go through grief too. It's just different, so be careful about translating what he is telling you into him wanting you back. He doesn't miss you in the same way you miss him. He just doesn't. As painful as that is to accept, you need to start trying to understand it. I would cut off all contact from him because you will only remain more confused and tied to him the way you are going. In the end, it's going to be worse when you realized that you helped him through his grief at your own expense. Because that's what I did, and I really regret it. I allowed my ex to keep a foothold in my life at the expense of my own emotional well being, and all it accomplished was helping him to transition right out of the relationship.

[tory1012]

Yeah I know I need to go NC I think it's finally starting to sink in because I was going through the motions of "take me back" "take me back".

 

I didn't contact him all yesterday and then of course he messages me on facebook giving me stupid breadcrumbs. He told me he had gotten my laptop working and then later in the conversation he said he felt sad because he was "lonely". He then proceeded to cut off the conversation saying goodnight and ok bye.

 

I text him this morning wishing him a good and that I hope he feels better. He hasn't replied, Why the F*ck did i text him that.

 

I'm getting pretty over being his emotional doormat who he can toy with whenever he is greiving a relationship that he ended! I mean I made some major mistakes in the relationship but I don't deserve this.

 

I'm working on myself and each day I'm getting stronger and more use to being on my own. I'm almost to the point where I'm going to initiate NC because he doesn't even know what he wants.

 

I KNOW EVERYBODY WILL TELL ME GO NC!! AND I WILL! IT'S JUST SO DAMN HARD TO LET GO.

 

VENT OVER LOL

[tory1012]

He text me back 12 hours later saying "thanks, have a good night :)" get F**ked. I aint saying anthing more! Nothing left to be said. He knows how I feel I am done talking!