alexwood Posted September 21, 2014 Posted September 21, 2014 (edited) been together 2 months with this , she is graduating college in december and has told me shes not sure where life will take her..i have told her its fine and that we can just be taking it sow and see what happens ---we have plans for october the 4th and last night i said look at all the stars,we should look at them some night ---she said yea we should look at them thatd be fun ---i said well we can the 4th ----she then said but those are fireworks not star gazing night ---i laughed and said i meant next month, what you planning on watching fireworks with me next year? lol she then texted me today saying how my comment about her thinking of next year bothered her..i told her i was just joking around did i screw up? Edited September 21, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
kolleamm Posted September 21, 2014 Posted September 21, 2014 Say "my bad" she thought you were being rude. It's no big deal man stuff like this is extremely common in relationships, I go through this on a weekly basis with her and we always get over it, no big deal. 2
GemmaUK Posted September 21, 2014 Posted September 21, 2014 (edited) She is getting an idea you mean next year. Sorry, am confused the same as the other poster is. Maybe we are all confused? Edited September 21, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Andy_K Posted September 21, 2014 Posted September 21, 2014 Two months is long enough to have strong feelings for someone. If that someone is instantly dismissive/ridiculing about the idea of the two of you still being together in a year, that's going to hurt. It's a very different thing to assume you won't be with someone very long than it is to not know what the future holds.
Jules Dash Posted September 21, 2014 Posted September 21, 2014 Say "my bad" she thought you were being rude. It's no big deal man stuff like this is extremely common in relationships, I go through this on a weekly basis with her and we always get over it, no big deal. I couldn't have said this any better.
preraph Posted September 21, 2014 Posted September 21, 2014 I'm not confused. He meant the 4th of the current month. She thought he meant the Fourth of July, an American holiday where there's fireworks. He put his foot in his mouth because he basically made fun of her for thinking they'd still be together by Fourth of July. I think you need to fix it if you plan on trying to stay with this girl. It's true she's also said she's not sure where life will take her, so maybe her expectations aren't high for staying with you either. But if you do want things to last, time to spin your comment and say you were just confused why she jumped to July 4th and that you truly do hope you get to see fireworks together, nice date, nice kiss/cuddle, end of story. 1
Author alexwood Posted September 21, 2014 Author Posted September 21, 2014 I'm not confused. He meant the 4th of the current month. She thought he meant the Fourth of July, an American holiday where there's fireworks. He put his foot in his mouth because he basically made fun of her for thinking they'd still be together by Fourth of July. I think you need to fix it if you plan on trying to stay with this girl. It's true she's also said she's not sure where life will take her, so maybe her expectations aren't high for staying with you either. But if you do want things to last, time to spin your comment and say you were just confused why she jumped to July 4th and that you truly do hope you get to see fireworks together, nice date, nice kiss/cuddle, end of story. i didnt make fun of her.... we have both agreed to not plan a future until she sees here life leads her after she graduates
Author alexwood Posted September 21, 2014 Author Posted September 21, 2014 when she said "those are for fireworks though" (july 4th) i was trying to make a joke lke "you aready decided we are watching fireworks next year together" lol idk
LostOnes05 Posted September 21, 2014 Posted September 21, 2014 She is looking for a way out bro. Women pick at things like this when they want to pick an argument, something minuscule to turn into something big. So what? You made a joke about next year. My ex did the same thing when she was graduating from college. Things we used to laugh about and inside jokes suddenly became offensive. Honestly, I'd start to put her on the back burner and start talking to other women, especially since she made the comment about not knowing where life will take her. Let her go and go No contact for a while. Speak to her only when she initiates communication.
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 21, 2014 Posted September 21, 2014 Now truthfully were you joking??? I find jokes like that to be truth under guise. I find in all my past and present relationships connection is always adding wee bits along with how you communicate. So, in looking for wee bits, I am quick to find issues before they become faults. It is one way to pickup thoughts and understand your mate. She sees that you expect something more than what she expects, as her life is not set. She has yet to settle down. If you were with her after she has moved on from college, and started a job. This would have been easier for her to digest. Now she sees through you... it is a matter of facing it and being honest. Once you come clean, the trust you give her, will reciprocate back by her telling you what she thinks. Whether or not you find it easy to swallow, you are allowing your relationship to grow. Being fearful is always a roadblock that will become a divide in a relationship. 1
Author alexwood Posted September 21, 2014 Author Posted September 21, 2014 Now truthfully were you joking??? I find jokes like that to be truth under guise. I find in all my past and present relationships connection is always adding wee bits along with how you communicate. So, in looking for wee bits, I am quick to find issues before they become faults. It is one way to pickup thoughts and understand your mate. She sees that you expect something more than what she expects, as her life is not set. She has yet to settle down. If you were with her after she has moved on from college, and started a job. This would have been easier for her to digest. Now she sees through you... it is a matter of facing it and being honest. Once you come clean, the trust you give her, will reciprocate back by her telling you what she thinks. Whether or not you find it easy to swallow, you are allowing your relationship to grow. Being fearful is always a roadblock that will become a divide in a relationship. yes i was joking
Author alexwood Posted September 21, 2014 Author Posted September 21, 2014 i was just joking a in "you alreay plan on us watching fireworks in 10 months"
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 21, 2014 Posted September 21, 2014 All I can say is, now that you still have her questioning... are you going to let it slide??? She needs to feel confident, so you need to back up your explanation. Women are that way in reassurance. As for me being thrown off by your joke, I gave her side of the issue straight up... yet you didn't see it. It is not difficult to reassure a woman, just let her know you found the time with her enjoyable, and it was a complement within your joke. Tell her that you are not expecting anything, but you would enjoy seeing stars with her again if the opportunity came later down the road. In doing so you are allowing her to find pleasure out of the time you shared, not the trouble in her thoughts that it created.
Assasda Posted September 21, 2014 Posted September 21, 2014 You dont need to back up ANYTHING. You were jokingm and you meant that. She's testing you, to see if you will wilt. Stick to your guns. You made a joke and thats all it is. If she doesnt want to accept that she doesnt have to, but you have nothing to explain
CC12 Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 i didnt make fun of her.... ---i laughed and said i meant next month, what you planning on watching fireworks with me next year? lol I think you did kind of make fun of her. She made a mistake, and you responded with sarcasm and then laughed at her. You made her feel foolish. I'm guessing that's the thing that upset her, nothing to do with any suggestions about the future of your relationship.
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