Darren2013 Posted September 21, 2014 Posted September 21, 2014 There is one pattern I can probably identify in past relationships and that is at least on a subconscious level I have a tendency to look for ways to sabatoge a relationship that is on the verge of progressing towards marriage or even a deeper level of intimacy or spending more time together or deeper level of sharing a life together. So maybe I have a mild case of commitment phobia and do have a fear of a relationship upgrading too far. There's a certain line I draw in my mind and don't want the relationship to be upgraded after a certain degree. Is it possible to have a fear of success? I believe so at least when it comes to relationships. Perhaps I am that way in my professional life and have just looked for excuses not to accept a promotion that I was offered years back. I was caught off guard when offered it and surprised that any employers saw something in me that made them believe I could be trusted with that promotion when I was insecure in myself. Even my crush at work asked me earlier this year saying she did not understand why I did not accept a particular promotion. I just told her I did not care and was happy where I'm at in the company. Then she went on about how I deserved the promotion and stuff. She may not have been listening. Whether I deserve it or not is not the issue. The issue is I don't want it. But getting back to what I'm saying. If my crush is alot like me and if she too is a commitment phone with relationships then that would be another reason that she and I belong together. Because then there won't be pressure on either side to commit. So what do I really have to lose? Nothing really because finding a like minded commitment phone is rare. If she isn't it then very unlikely anyone else would be a good match for me. But in my past relationships I recognize what I was doing. In each relationship I have been in an upgrade to living together or marriage was on the horizon. It would be so obvious to friends and family and they would ask when are we getting married. Well shortly after that I would get scared and then just let the relationships fall apart. I didn't have the guts to end it myself. I would just wait and hope that my girlfriend would do the dirty work and tell me it is over so that I would have the push I need to go free. That process of sabatoging the relationship would take months. I'm sitting there asking myself when is she going to pull the plug as I let myself go physically and gain weight and stop going to the gym. So maybe I am so drawn to my crush because I see alot of similarities between us when it comes to our views on relationships. It isn't just about her looks that I am attracted to.
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 21, 2014 Posted September 21, 2014 Wow you have some phobia... I purposefully keep peeps away, sorry I have no way to undo your phobia for you. Could be from early childhood something that you had no control over set you back. Who knows exactly, but you would have to find that out yourself. Now with anything you are content just being in the middle. Afraid of being in a higher status so to speak. It is not for a lack of ambition, just you hit a brick wall once you get there. The only thing I know is hit one of them brick walls head on. Though I would not do a relationship brick wall first... I would tackle work and get that promotion. Once you get it, then it will allow further brick walls to be less troublesome. Hope you can see it through and tackle each one at a time, before you know it them brick walls will become paved roads.
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