thumper Posted March 6, 2005 Posted March 6, 2005 My boyfriend of over a year says he loves me and wants to grow old with me. He wants me to be the mother of his children but he is not ready to move in together. He says he will be ready soon. When I ask him what is keeping him from making that move now he just syas "I don't know". He has intimated that my friendships (totally platonic) with other men makes him jealous and he is not sure he can handle that. But I have always had male friends since before we ever even met! He is latino born and raised in Mexico. I know there are cultural differences but how can i get him to communicat ebtter with me about hsi feelings? "I don't know" is just not an answer.
westernxer Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 Maybe you're pressuring him too much. What's the rush?
prncssfce9 Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 The problem could be just what you said a cultural differance. Maybe he is not used to the idea of living together before you are married.... perhaps you pushing the "move in" issue makes him think you are really pushing the "wedding" issue. Mexicans are much more traditional in thier values than are we Americans ... that is also probably the reason for his feeling awkward about your male relationship even if they are strictly platonic ... which quite frankly I don't beleive are entirely platonic ... I'm not inplying that you are messing around with these guys ... just that at one point either you may have been slightly attracted to them or they to you ..... your boyfriend ... being a man .... knows quite well that these men friends of yours either are or were at some point attracted to you ... don't hold it against him ... if he wasn't jelous you'd think he was weird My advice is to let the issue lie for a while. Don't bring it up for a week or two and that will give him time to either think about it on his own or relax about some of his issues. Guys don't like to be nagged about thigs ... they get defensive ... just relax and things will end up fine!!! Good Luck
SleepingLover Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Aye, I agree with both Westernxr and prncssfce9. Since he is Latino, is he Catholic? The majority of Latinos are Catholic and although living together is not uncommon for some Catholics before marriage, it is taught as a "no no".. "Taboo". And if he is Latino not born and raised in the U.S. then these feelings run stronger and have even deeper traditional roots. My advice would be to ease back a little bit and not pressure him too much on the move-in issue. The situation with the other men, is maddening for man because they are, most certainly, competition. Even if they may not come out and say it, many of them are probably attracted to you and may attempt to do things to make him even more uncomfortable with the situation. These things may be subtle and you may not see them, but they may make sure that he does. I have been there for sure (in the position that your bfriend is in). My girlfriend at the time didn't know what was going on until she caught one of her so-called friends doing something to intimidate me like patting her ass while looking me in the eye and she ended that friendship. It happens, trust me.
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