I feel so sick

[longjourney]

Yes we are not "together", we are co-habituating for the kids, I am shaking right now as I type this. I can't believe I can even hit the keys.

 

 

My WH went to work this morning, I have been feeling a little bit better since being in the hospital and I don't know why I did it, but I did. I came across his old cellphone, from before he upgraded. He had this phone during his LTA. I was able to retrieve deleted texts. It is true, he loved her, he was with me for our family, just like he is staying with me know. He mentions me in the texts, he mentions my illness and says he "feels sorry for me" that he doesn't know what I wil do "AFTER" he leaves me. He talks about her, he is enamored by her. He wishes he hadn't made the mistake of marrying me. If he would have known he had a chance in hell with her he never would have and I quote "walked down the aisle TOO her". WTH!!!

 

 

Yes he has told me most of this, but to see the messages in black and white, makes EVERYTHING more real. He loves her, he never loved me. She says jump, he says how high? She asks him to close her FB account and he does it, which always made my stomach turn and I asked for that FOREVER, and he has me thinking it was FOR ME?!?!? WHO DOES THAT??? Why just not leave already? Oh I forgot because AND I QUOTE THE OW from these new batch of texts "you are such a nice guy, you would not be able to just up and leave her. What about your kids?"

 

 

I guess I should just send her a F$#%ing thank you card for helping him stick it out with me. I wonder if Hallmark makes a card for that!!!

[TrustedthenBusted]

Ouch. I too have some ridiculous emails and texts like that burned into my brain, and I tell you... they never get any easier ot think about. I was also a "mistake."

 

But you have to take those messages with a grain of salt. That crap isn't real. That is two people telling each other whatever they hell they need to in order to keep the nonsense going. If you read the stuff I found in texts, you'd think you found the cell phone of an 8th grade girl. And this was the stuff HE wrote. It's all nonsense. I was told right in the beginning that the best revenge you can take on the person tho steals your spouse is to let them have him/her. That was the first offer I made. I said " get out... take the kids and go show up at Prince Charming's door, and let me know how that works out."

 

Then there was a pregnant pause... Yeah..that's what I thought.

[JamesM]

Right now he cannot even compare the two of you equally. From what I read, he has never lived with her and he has with you. If/when he lives with her, then he will see the real person, and he may no longer consider her perfect.

 

His affair clouds his words as well as his perception of you. Again, he has lived with you and your illness and your flaws. He has not with her so his "love" for her has never been tested. Sadly, his love for you may have been real and even now may simply be covered by resentment for your illness and an infatuation for her.

 

But that does not help your pain. I wonder how he would feel if you too had a person that you loved more than him. I wonder how he would feel if you were happy with someone else and simply stayed with him "for the children."

 

How honorable he and she makes his choice when in reality it is very cowardly.

[No Limit]

Are you two still living together? Can you find a place for yourself and the kids alone?

 

 

Let the OW have him. You don't deserve this.

[jellybean89]

Are you two still living together? Can you find a place for yourself and the kids alone?

 

Let the OW have him. You don't deserve this.

 

Yes we are not "together", we are co-habituating for the kids,

 

From the first line in the opening post ^^^ yes, they are still living together.

[Arieswoman]

Hello longjourney.

First of all let me say that I am very sorry that you have been ill and also suffered a betrayal on top of that. I can understand how you must feel it is almost too much to bear.

 

You say that you are "staying together for the kids". Was this a joint decision that was thought out or did you just slide into it?

 

Maybe you need to rethink your situation and some IC may help. You shouldn't have to suffer like this because of something he chose to do. Maybe you should part company? Only you can make the decision about this but kids aren't stupid. They will pick up on what's going on and they will be affected.

 

Would it be better to be away from him, to let yourself heal and give the kids some stability?

 

Here's a good quote from TrustedthenBusted -

I was told right in the beginning that the best revenge you can take on the person tho steals your spouse is to let them have him/her.

 

Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

[cocorico]

LJ please stop doing this to yourself. You have long had more than enough evidence to know you are not being respected in your M. You do not need to amass more - it just drives the knife deeper and deeper each time.

 

If you have decided to stay with him because of the kids, then accept that for what it is and don't concern yourself with his feelings for the OW, or whether or not he loved you, or anything beyond making the best of the situation until you are able to pull he plug and move on.

 

If you continue to care about him / what he feels / whether he loved you, then you need to move away so that he can no longer continue to hurt you.

 

It is not sustainable as it stands. You cannot go on like this for much longer.

[scatterd]

I am so sorry he sounds a lot like my husband, when times are tough the tough get going.These type a guys are a dime a dozen we deserve better.Work on being healthy and healing, better times are coming.Big Hugs