Still miss my ex after a year...

[little jawa]

So this is a bit long, but I'll try to keep it as concise as I possibly can.

 

I met my ex almost two years ago on a dating site, after leaving an abusive relationship. I was slightly worried at first about putting my trust in him as I'd been so hurt before, but I gave him a chance and we started seeing each other about a month after we first started talking and dated long-distance for quite a while before breaking up last year. We broke up purely because the distance between us was becoming difficult to manage, although we only lived just over an hour apart. We had a wonderful relationship, seemed perfect together and adored each other. He pretty much saved my life, too, as I'd been self-harming and suffering with severe depression after the relationship I'd been in prior to him ended.

 

When we broke up, he insisted that we at least stayed in contact as friends as he didn't want me to be out of his life. Initially I was reluctant as I wasn't sure whether to believe him or not, but eventually I agreed and we got on well for a little while before he started to blank me and we would barely talk. It's been just over a year now since the split, and we've arranged to meet up a couple of times but unfortunately he's bailed on me each time. We've never argued before - not even once - and I completely hid my real feelings after we split so as to avoid creating any awkwardness. Whenever we talked, I'd be completely calm and civil and try to treat him like I would any of my other friends, so I've not done anything to warrant him blanking me and I've found it a little hard to try and get my head around, but I've never spoken him about it.

 

I've not contacted him at all for almost 9 months straight now (with the exception of sending him one "congratulations, I'm happy for you!" message on facebook after he graduated university. He ignored my message but acknowledged everyone else's, including ones from other exes), and honestly, it's been so much more painful than I would've expected it to be to basically pretend as though I don't care about him anymore and have zero interest in talking to him when I miss him awfully. I've tried incredibly hard to keep myself busy, I'm at university full-time studying a joint degree which is demanding, and I hang out with friends/family at every chance I get, but I still find myself thinking of him. I've tried dating and getting to know a lot of other guys in the past year but I've not really felt any real connection with any of them.

 

Splitting from my ex has felt like one of the worst things I've ever done, but there's nothing that I can do about it now as he started seeing someone else a few months ago (who also happens to live even further away from him than I do, which frustrated me a bit when I first found out). He means so much to me and I wish I could explain all of this to him, but I can't even initiate friendly conversation with him without fear of being ignored or upsetting anyone. I haven't spoken about how I've felt at all since breaking up, so he has no idea that I've even been feeling this way. I know that I've done quite well with no-contact and keeping my distance, and I should carry on but I'm really starting to feel like I won't be able to keep it up for much longer.

 

I'm generally quite happy within pretty much every other area of my life, but being without him has hurt and left this huge void that I can't seem to fill. Still missing someone so much after so long just makes me feel like such a sad person, I feel pathetic and I don't know what to do anymore.

 

Any advice?

[Mizz Layta]

You feel rejected and nobody likes that.

Time will eventually heal you but it will really take finding someone new. Try to tell yourself that it wasnt meant to be.

New adventures will come and in the most unexpected way.

Just hang in there. Don't keep objects or memories around. Put them away. You don't need to be reminded. It's really helpful if you can take a trip away for a while.