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Giving him a second chance

Daisy1339

By Daisy1339
in Second Chances

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Daisy1339 Member

Daisy1339

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My husband cheated on me only 2 months after our wedding. He went online and sexting with other women. He did not admit. I found the emails and then he had no choice but to admit. He says he never slept with any of them. I don't know if that is true. He does not accept the fact that only sexting is also cheating. I moved out and now live with my family. He asked me to give him a second chance. I accept but I asked him to prove it to me that he is working on his issues but he says I need to move back so he can show me that he is working and he is changing. The problem is I can not trust him. How do I know if I move back he is not going to do that again. So he asked me to see a couple therapist together which is a good Idea but I think he has not told me every thing. He lies and he does lie a lot. I don't know how we can past this if he wont admit to every thing he did. How do I know if he is telling me the true?

Edited by Daisy1339
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
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If he was sexting & not physically cheating I think you two may be good candidates for marriage counseling. No, the sexting isn't great but it could be worse. talk with the help of a professional & you may both find a way to save your marriage.

Ronni_W Established Member

Ronni_W

Posted
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I don't know how we can past this if he wont admit to every thing he did. How do I know if he is telling me the true?

Well...you can't get passed it if you refuse to engage and fully participate in the process. You also don't, at this stage, know if he has or has not yet told you the full facts and complete truth.

Any half-decent couples' therapist should be able help with that; help you answer your questions. If it doesn't feel like it's going in a good direction after three sessions, find a new therapist...some are better than others, I've learned the hard way.

 

Tell your H that you do NOT need to move back home for him to start earning back your trust, and that you are not doing that until you feel that it will be in the long-term best interests of both of you and your marriage.

 

Best of luck.

No Limit Established Member

No Limit

Posted
Posted

He will never tell you the truth. And if he's the type that lies a lot in general, why do you expect him to?

I'd also suggest you wait a bit longer before moving back to his apartment.

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Daisy1339 Member

Daisy1339

Posted
  • Author
Posted
If he was sexting & not physically cheating I think you two may be good candidates for marriage counseling. No, the sexting isn't great but it could be worse. talk with the help of a professional & you may both find a way to save your marriage.

 

 

Thank you for the advise. I will wait until our therapist session.

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Daisy1339 Member

Daisy1339

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Well...you can't get passed it if you refuse to engage and fully participate in the process. You also don't, at this stage, know if he has or has not yet told you the full facts and complete truth.

Any half-decent couples' therapist should be able help with that; help you answer your questions. If it doesn't feel like it's going in a good direction after three sessions, find a new therapist...some are better than others, I've learned the hard way.

 

Tell your H that you do NOT need to move back home for him to start earning back your trust, and that you are not doing that until you feel that it will be in the long-term best interests of both of you and your marriage.

 

Best of luck.

 

I am hoping all the truth come out at the therapist! thank you

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Daisy1339 Member

Daisy1339

Posted
  • Author
Posted
He will never tell you the truth. And if he's the type that lies a lot in general, why do you expect him to?

I'd also suggest you wait a bit longer before moving back to his apartment.

 

 

I don't expect him to tell the truth but I am hoping he can work on this issue so he one day start telling me the truth. I hate it when he lies or hides things from me! Thank you

Ronni_W Established Member

Ronni_W

Posted
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I don't expect him to tell the truth but I am hoping he can work on this issue so he one day start telling me the truth. I hate it when he lies or hides things from me! Thank you

Daisy,

Quite honestly, you come across as a lovely, respectful person. I wish you the best in counseling. Hopefully the therapist will be able to offer your H whatever insights, resources, kicks-in-the-rear that will help your H come to some new self-awareness and consciousness of his impact on you, and those around him.

Hugs, and best for the future.

  • 2 weeks later...
caplion Member

caplion

Posted
Posted

I wouldn't focus on the "truth" - I mean what do you want to know? How many times he's sexted? what websites he's on? How is knowing this information going to help your marriage? Having him tell you the truth is only going to make him resent you in the long run. The truth won't help you - this may sound weird to say but you two sitting down and telling each other the truth won't build trust. To build trust you have to start with trustworthy people. To me it sounds like a maturity issue - I'm in a male in my late 40's I couldn't imagine for one second that I'd be sexting with someone other than my bride of just two months. It sounds like maybe he wasn't ready to get married. I don't think sexting or even flirting with someone else is in itself very bad..but if you've only been married for 2 month there is a SERIOUS problem.

 

Also, I wouldn't use the term "cheated on me" - what he did isn't right and needs to be addressed very badly - but by saying he cheated on you deny a chance for both of you to heal from this.

 

I don't know what to do in your situation as he really needs some help but there is no way you can tell him what to do. Does he have a respectable dad or older brother/uncle that knows how to be married - could they talk to him. Because you coming at him and telling him he cheated and he needs to tell the truth is NOT going to work...I don't believe couples counseling is going to work either - he needs to work on himself. That being said you need to work on yourself too - I have no idea what you need - but every relationship has two people in it - it may be that you are 10% responsible for the problems - or 50% --- but somewhere in there you've contributed to this too. I offer this not to be harsh - but to actually give you hope - because the only person you can control and change is yourself.

 

I really think a respectable older married man is the one to help straighten him out. Also, do not move back in with him until there is some understanding why he did this. Him just not using the internet or his mobile phone isn't the problem...there is a reason he was doing this - he's not happy about something and he's got to tell you what that was (that's the only truth you need).

 

Regards...CL

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