clarabelle Posted September 18, 2014 Posted September 18, 2014 So my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me in February. I was depressed cos I loved him a lot and I know he loved me too. I thought he was the one. But he said he needed a break. I couldn't get over him, so we stayed really really good friends. Shortly after, he started hooking up with this new girl he met (I'll call her Rachel). I was devastated but I knew nothing would come out of him and his new fling because he was still really close to me. And they had nothing in common. PLUS Rachel didn't want to commit and definitely didn't want to be in a relationship with him cos she herself just came out of a long relationship. So they just did friends with benefits. I think the closeness of our friendship made Rachel even more adamant about not getting seriously involved with him, so she kept him as a friend with benefit/fling/cuddle buddy. This went on for half a year. I THINK he developed actual feelings for her, but he always assured me nothing serious would come of it and that i was overthinking. And he was really still amazing to me. But even then, I was suspicious, worried and insanely jealous cos some mutual friends say that Rachel is pretty, kind, gentle and really supportive ughh. I was depressed about how he was acting and I felt very betrayed. I tried cutting contact many times but he always convinced me to stay close friends. Everytime I make up my mind to go, he always says these sincere cute stuff, and I always come crawling back to him. But he was still involved with Rachel despite saying these things to me. Not long ago, I decided to leave for REAL and it was going to be the last time, but he said he couldn't lose me and that he loved me a lot. I do believe him & he and I started being intimated again. I was so happy. We are basically a couple again, but he was keeping it quiet. I had a sneaking suspicion that he didn't tell Rachel his fwb that we were back together. So I decided to spread the news to ppl, post a bunch of intimate messages he sent me on my social media accounts and upload pics of us being lovey dovey for her to stumble upon. It worked. I am 99% she saw them, because I went through his texts. She has upped and dumped him!!!! I wish she told him she knew about me, but she didn't call him out on his two-timing. So he doesn't know that she found out. She was really nice and diplomatic with her goodbyes, but I could sense that she just wanted it to end. He pleaded for her to stay but she wouldn't have it. She's been ignoring him, I don't think she'll ever be close with him again. He swore to me there was nothing going on, and that ever since we got back together, i'm the only one he loves. So guys, do u think now that she left and isn't responding to him at all, he's going to hate her & love me more??? I mean, guys get bitter about girls who reject and ignore them and end up hating them right? What can I do to make us work better now that she's not in the picture anymore? Be completely honest!! I really wanna make this work.
d0nnivain Posted September 18, 2014 Posted September 18, 2014 I don't think her presence or absence as any affect on his feelings for you. I can't believe that you still consider him a friend. That is not healthy for you. I suspect that while he's hurting & vulnerable, if you throw yourself at him he may take you up on that offer of physical consolation but while he may take comfort in your body it won't change his mind or heart so you best be very careful. 1
me85 Posted September 18, 2014 Posted September 18, 2014 (edited) I think you shouldn't be with him. I'm afraid you have no self worth at all. He manipulates you. He hurt you. He saw another girl and continued to see another girl while stringing you along, all to make him feel king. This is a tragic, yet classic story. It happened to me too. I dated and lived with my ex for 2 years ... blah blah blah... Please love yourself and respect yourself more than being with this absolute nightmare of a guy. He may be a decent guy but not when it comes to treating women right. He doesn't deserve you. Period. Edited September 18, 2014 by me85 1
ktya Posted September 18, 2014 Posted September 18, 2014 OP. Depends. If the girl was really good looking (ie. a lot better looking than you) he may have just really fallen for the image of him with a super hot girl in the sack. She could have been using him in the first place and he might love you all over again but beware he could fall off the wagon again if another hottie comes by and shows interest. If the girl was just average or you are better looking than her, he's checked out. He'll just use you and keep looking for something else.
Elle1975 Posted September 18, 2014 Posted September 18, 2014 Having sex with him, and having him keeping it a secret.. it's a friend with benefits type deal. I don't think you played your cards well at all. You should have left him alone the minute he dumped you. I'm afraid that he's going to keep you around till he finds another girl. Before sleeping with him, you should have made it clear that intimacy meant being back together. You made way too easy for you to take him back. We will see how it goes, but honestly it doesn't seem like something good is going to come out of it all.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 18, 2014 Posted September 18, 2014 You asked us to be completely honest, so here goes: He's playing you for a fool. You need to find your backbone. He pleaded for her to stay. He wants her. And he'll tell you anything to get you to hang around so he can have sex with other girls but rely on you to be Plan B. Apparently, it's working. He's not devoted to you and not a good candidate for a boyfriend. 1
elseaacych Posted September 19, 2014 Posted September 19, 2014 Have a backbone, woman! You let him go off and screw another girl, and you welcome him back with open legs? Really? You deserve someone who wants you and you alone. That person is out there, somewhere. Hint: It's not your ex. 2
No Limit Posted September 19, 2014 Posted September 19, 2014 Get your pieces back together and drop him. This isn't a guy who has your best inentions at heart. Much less feelings beyond feeling horny.
Chi townD Posted September 19, 2014 Posted September 19, 2014 Not to be rude but, I want you to open your eyes. How does it feel to be a consolation prize? His second choice? Girl, you deserve better than that. You deserve a guy that would walk with his head held up and proud knowing that you chose to be on his arm walking down the street. This douche rocket wanted to keep you a secret. How was that fair to you?
amaysngrace Posted September 19, 2014 Posted September 19, 2014 The way he was keeping you on a string like a puppet sounds like he hasn't loved you for a while, if he even ever did. Don't put so much weight into what he says...talk is cheap. And don't be a clingy, needy chick. That's so unattractive. Want him to love you more? Love yourself more and get some self-respect. The other girl has it...she told him get out. So he probably loves her more. 1
Natsu21 Posted September 19, 2014 Posted September 19, 2014 Posting conversations to social media in an attempt to get the other woman to break up with him so he can come back to you is extremely self-centered and immature. Let me be frank. He doesn't want you. You're his plan B. You can't just break someone up and expect them to fall in love with you. Real life doesn't work that way. You two are wrong for each other. Move on. 2
hourglassangel Posted September 19, 2014 Posted September 19, 2014 Posting conversations to social media in an attempt to get the other woman to break up with him so he can come back to you is extremely self-centered and immature. Let me be frank. He doesn't want you. You're his plan B. You can't just break someone up and expect them to fall in love with you. Real life doesn't work that way. You two are wrong for each other. Move on. I 100% agree with this....and once he finds out what you did, he will blame you for everything. He will find out someday.
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