StrangerThanFiction Posted September 18, 2014 Posted September 18, 2014 Long time lurker here! It's been 5 days since my bf and I called her quits and I think that maybe, possibly there might just be a chance that I'm going to make it through this. Anyway, my story: Met him at work. Major attraction right away. He told me he was still married but had been separated for a year. Okay, cool, I could deal with that. 8 months go by and I start catching him in lies. His age, for example. Dude lied about his age to make himself younger. I let it go. I was so desperately in lust. A year after that he's finally served divorce papers from the ex wife. According to the papers they didn't separate until a month or two after we started seeing each other. I was absolutely floored and felt so guilty. I felt like a homewrecker. He said that she lied on the papers and that it wasn't true and since I wanted to believe it, I let it go. We lived together for about 4 years. One day he comes home from a month stretch at work and tells me he met someone but that they decided to keep it as just friends. Didn't matter, the intent was still there and I knew he was still talking to her even when we were sitting on the couch together. I was devastated. Told him to leave. He did and said he'd be back for his stuff once he found a place. I didn't want to see him again and started to grow a backbone so I packed up his stuff and threw it in storage. Month later he wants to come pick up his stuff so I have him the info and that was that. Or should have been. A few months later he starts throwing out breadcrumbs. Asking how I'm doing and all that. I was in a good place so I thought, hey, what can it hurt to catch up? One thing leads to another and bam, back together a couple months later. He said that him and this woman he met didn't date or sleep together and that he didn't leave me for her...but come on, really?! You meet someone and then we break up? Whatever. But I still loved him and chose to believe him. We did the on/off thing till about five days ago. For the past few months I've been realizing that there's no chance of a future for us. Not with his job and not with our disparity in relationship goals. I want to get married and he says that his first marriage put a bad taste in his mouth for it. The way I look at it, if you really want to be with someone you'll want to marry them and after almost 6 years, you should know. Looks like I wasn't good enough to be marriage material. On top of that I'm pretty sure he's still been talking to this woman from 2 years ago. Hell, for all I know he's been dating her as well as me. His job takes him all over the place for long periods of time so he could totally do it and neither of us would be the wiser. Anyway, we decided to end it. But I was weak and called him the next day to try to maybe give it another shot. He said he couldn't deal with this anymore. I tried to convince him, but no. I didn't beg or plead and tried to talk logically but he wasn't having it. A 6 year relationship ended not with a bang but a whimper. So, it has been 5 days since BU and 4 days NC. These last days have been rough. He still has to come grab the rest of his stuff, just small things though, and I don't know when he's planning on doing that. I'm not really sure what to do about that because I REALLY don't want to see him. Possibly leave them with a friend where he can pick it up? So, to get back to the title of this post, I read something on the Coping forum yesterday that's shifted how I viewed this whole thing and I woke up this morning feeling...ok. Not like someone was ripping open my chest and pulling out my guts (I seriously need to stop watching so many horror movies...), but ok and that everything might just turn out fine. And after writing out my story and looking back on the awful things that he's done over the years that I didn't include in it I can objectively see that this relationship wasn't a happy one. Or one that had trust or even mutual respect in it. It was unhealthy and codependent. I think we pretty much only stayed together because we didn't want to be alone. Still hurts like a b**** though. I know I'll still have bad days but so far today is...alright. Sorry about how long this was, and if you soldiered through it thanks for reading. Feedback is always appreciated
elseaacych Posted September 19, 2014 Posted September 19, 2014 Ouch. You're going to hurt for awhile, because most break ups hurt. But you're going to be okay.
FeuFollet Posted September 19, 2014 Posted September 19, 2014 I have never been in a 6 year relationship. My closest was right about 3. I remember the existential horror of suddenly being alone - and I didn't have the backbone you have now. It took a long time for me to grow one - so you are so far ahead of me at that point I should probably be asking you for advice.
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