smile95 Posted March 5, 2005 Posted March 5, 2005 Has anyone sucessfully moved on from someone they thought was "the one"? Is it going to get better? Will I feel this way forever????
morphius Posted March 5, 2005 Posted March 5, 2005 8 days ago "the one" broke up with me, I am devestated beyond all recognition... I feel like it will never get better and like I'm dying inside. Fortunately I aint that naive, it will get better. The thoughts become less agitated, the pain fades, it leaves a scar but there is one day you wake up and it's just ok, don't know how or why but it does happen... Stay strong!!!
Author smile95 Posted March 5, 2005 Author Posted March 5, 2005 thank-I am glad to know it will get better...right now the way I feel inside, I cannot imagine myself getting ANY better. I am looking fwd to the day I wake up and thoughts of him fade. Will they fade even if we never had closure? After 3 yrs, he just began to ignore me and will not contact me? I need closure and it is hard to do it when in the back of my head, i have hope he will call. THis sux. I do not want to do anything but lay in my apt with the curtains shut and take nyquil to sleep and not think. I know what it means to be heartbroken. it hurts
morphius Posted March 5, 2005 Posted March 5, 2005 It does hurt you're right, but it doesn't kill you. You need to stay busy, throw yourself into work or college or whatever it is that you do. Find a good friend that doesn't mind you bending their ear for 5 hours about your ex, Try not to take tablets to sleep, try going for a run or going to the gym instead, you will find that then you will be naturaly tired which is better for you, gives your body and brain time to rest and time to heal... Don't forget there are hundreds of us on the site that feel exactly the same... If all else fails PM me, i'll chat 2 u.
Lonestar Posted March 5, 2005 Posted March 5, 2005 Yes it does hurt, and I'm sorry you're going through this. There is nothing but time and no contact with your ex that will make things better. After awhile the thoughts will come less and less and you'll feel better about yourself, but it can take a long time depending on how much this person affected your life. I can tell you that sitting in the house with your shades drawn won't help much. You need to get out and do things for you, you need to keep busy even if it kills you to do it. My ex-H and I split up 3 years ago. Last year I went back to him for six months and it opened so many wounds that had been closed. There is never complete closure - at least I haven't found it b/c there always seems to be something that was left unsaid. And I do still have hope that he will change someday, but logic and fact tells me that will never be. I have yet to fall in love with another man, and I think it's going to take that for me to get over my ex completely, but I don't miss him anywhere near as much as I used to. It's going to take a lot of time, but you will pull through. Keep busy.
moon Posted March 5, 2005 Posted March 5, 2005 I think your feelings of "the one" can change over time. Seven years ago I was dating a guy who I just thought had to be the one. We broke up. It was a rocky break up and we lived near each other and discussed getting back together. I finally took off from the area we were living in never to see him again. I suffered a lot from the break up. I really thought he and I were meant to be together. It was so frustrating. I was too young to be making those types of decisions though. I went back to school, did tons of traveling and all these other things I wanted to do after we broke up. Eventually I met somebody else. It was hard but I got over the other guy. Now when I think of him I know that his life and my life would never have really mixed. I think this was a good lesson for me. His life now (although I can't be certain) is pretty good. He's married and married somebody I could picture him with and lives the life I always knew he would. I just had trouble after the break up trying to figure out how I could fit into his world. He has a very specific career that needs to be done in certain areas of the world. But now I know I just wasn't meant to be with him anyway. So I think it's much more painful when you think the guy is the one, but eventually, like all relationships, you get over it. It might take longer though. In a way those really strong loves can be the greatest lessons for us. When "the one" and I broke up, like I said, I went and did all the stuff I would never have been able to do if we'd have stayed together. I look back on that relationship (and it's demise) as the fire that drove me to reach out to new things I wanted in my life. The post break up was a very productive, yet emotionally trying time, in my life. I am totally over that ex now. But today I am not entirely sure why he had such a hold on me for so long. Funny how things work out that way in the end. I think he might have just been the guide who put me in the direction I needed to go in. I can realize that all now. Good luck getting over your ex. It's painful, I know.
Author smile95 Posted March 6, 2005 Author Posted March 6, 2005 I am an idiot. I was so sad today that I broke NC. I am so weak. Of course I got no reply. Why do I do this. I am chasing a man that treats me like crap! I have been in bed since this Am and taking nyuil so i can sleep and not think. I want to move on. I find it hard to believe he can just stop loving me after 3 yrs! What is wrong with me to chase him and how do i stop. Now I am crying and he is doing whatever the hell he wants-how will i ever get over him !!!!! How can this get better as you all say??? At this point, I say I love him, but I do not even know if I know what that means?? How do I love someone who hurts and and makes me so sick!
lostandlonely Posted March 6, 2005 Posted March 6, 2005 Unfortunately all that helps is time, i know exactly how you feel im not much further on than you. But it does get better slowly, admittedly its very slowly but theres little we can do except try to find things to distract ourselves. I was doing the staying bed all day thing to begin with, but trust me it doesnt help and im now desperately trying to catch up with the work that i've missed (im in my final year at uni). I know it hurts but you will get through this, try not to let it get in the way of the rest of your life, you'll only regret it in a few weeks (i know i am). Good luck, L&L
demonfall Posted March 9, 2005 Posted March 9, 2005 Just take it one day at a time. I broke NC a few times, and it only caused me more pain. I'm actually trying to move on now after attempting to get her back to no avail. I try not to think about the 6 weeks I spent pouring my heart out to her. It will take time, and it will hurt. Talk to as many friends and family as you can. Don't keep it bottled up. The only way you can accept it is if you let it out. I don't know how many times i drove home from work crying, trying to convince myself I'm better off without her. Go out, have some fun. Meet new people. Hell, I got a new job. I keep asking myself how I can still love her after what she has done to me, and I don't have an answer. I do know that there's nothing I can do to make her fall in love with me again. Letting go has been one of the hardest things I've ever done in my 28 years, and it sucks. I know that I have to do it though. I still believe she will contact me again, but I will not put my life on hold for it. Neither should you. If you haven't done so yet, read this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/ It's not an easy thing to do, and I resisted for a long time. You will feel better though. Stay strong, and talk to us.
Universe Posted March 9, 2005 Posted March 9, 2005 I've felt that I was with "THE ONE" twice now. The first one was a sortof dumb puppy-love on my part and never was going to work. But it took more than two years to really get over it. I used to do the Nyquil thing. Then I just started drinking rum and beer all the time. I developed a major alcohol problem that hasn't gone away. I found out that drinking a lot of Nyquil can really damage your liver. So does rum, but nyquil is worse. The second was much more for real. We were together for 5 years and loved each other more intimately and more completely than I ever thought possible. It's been six months since we broke up. I tried for a very long time to win her back. But she went straight to someone else. I'm still not totally convinced that she wasn't "THE ONE." But I have to start operating as if she's not because it's clear now that we won't get back together. I still look at my cell phone constantly to see if she's called even though I changed my number last week and she doesn't have the new one. I know I'm going to be in pain for a very long time. But you just have to accept it and try to move on. You're body needs to get the hurt out. Drinking numbs the pain, but you can't fool your body. Your body needs to experience it in full in order to get past it. So drinking or taking other substance to numb your feelings only prolongs the pain. It's best to let it take you so you can deal with it. Only then will you find your inner strength that will carry you to the other side of this vast emptiness you're feeling. The only way to handle the void left by your ex-lover is to start loving yourself every bit as much as you loved them. You do that by cultivating new friendships, hobbies, and interests. You MUST start working out more than you did before. You have to work out for at least 4 days a week. This is crucial. It stimulates the chemicals in your body that make you feel good. But it's totally natural, so it's not like taking drugs or alcohol. It's an act of self-love. The more you learn to show yourself self-respect and self-love, the easier it will be to handle losing "THE ONE". You have to accept the fact that they just may have been "THE ONE." But maybe the time you've already spent together is all you're going to get. Just try to be happy that you had that love when you did and take the simple lesson that you have to enjoy the good things in life while you have them because nothing lasts forever. You will heal. But you have to be proactive in healing yourself. NyQuil won't do the job for you. Only you can make you happy. But forget about happy for now. Just focus on loving yourself and functioning adequately in your life. The happiness will come later. From now on you have to be "THE ONE." Good luck.
NTB Posted March 9, 2005 Posted March 9, 2005 hope time does do the thing cause if it doesn't i'm screwed....it's been 2 months since we broke up and at least now i am sleeping at night maybe becasue i am getting better........ or because i have been working long days and working out in any case i guess it is good to finally rest but in any cas i still miss her like crazy and can't seem to stop thinking about her
Author smile95 Posted March 9, 2005 Author Posted March 9, 2005 I am having a tough time, but seem better lately for some reason? can I ask you how you found out about the nyquil? How long did you take it? I really am working on stopping, but I do not think about him if I am asleep! Thanks for your post too!
Author smile95 Posted March 9, 2005 Author Posted March 9, 2005 I am also 28 yrs old and hope that one day this is all just a faded memory. I keep telling myself that why would I want to be with someone who clearly does not appreciate me? I want to be with someone that loves me as much as i love them. I cried in my car all the time too! Funny how every damn song resembles your situation!!! Hang in there!
search4what Posted March 9, 2005 Posted March 9, 2005 Damn radio sux, hearing all those sad songs really messes me up too. I was with my ex for 3.5 yrs and never really believed in "the one" concept. Maybe if I did I would not have taken things for granted and wouldnt be so down on myself. I now look back and after 2.5 months I think she was the one and I was too stupid or self absorbed to realize it. I hope it gets better than this but it seems that every day no matter how much time passes I wake thinking about her and fall asleep thinking about her. Time cannot move fast enough for me, I just want to be past this pain.
agnf666 Posted March 10, 2005 Posted March 10, 2005 The thing that really sucks is that the stupid things that remind you of that person. Like my basement is a constant reminder and I hate it. There is nothing I can do to make me not think about him sometimes. I have those things where I get over him for a few months then something happens then I'm thinking about him agian. So, it is like a constant battle of forgetting. If he was the one he will come back sometime or something.
Author smile95 Posted March 10, 2005 Author Posted March 10, 2005 I feel so dumb because I see something he likes to eat and I get sad. I found myslef in a dressing room crying when "our song" came on. Little things do remind me and I hate it. I can be doing so well and little things set me off. Like him just signing online!! ugh....I remember that my ex Iwas with for 5 yrs was a cyclist and everytime I saw a bike when we broke up, i lost it. Today, I do not think twice about seeing a bike. so i know it gets better in time
demonfall Posted March 10, 2005 Posted March 10, 2005 Originally posted by agnf666 The thing that really sucks is that the stupid things that remind you of that person. Like my basement is a constant reminder and I hate it. There is nothing I can do to make me not think about him sometimes. I have those things where I get over him for a few months then something happens then I'm thinking about him again. So, it is like a constant battle of forgetting. If he was the one he will come back sometime or something. A lot of my things I use/wear on a daily basis came from her. Half of the boxer shorts I wear, shirts, jeans, etc. I hate it, but refuse to throw them out and buy new stuff. Not because it's from her, but I actually like the clothing. I still have all the letters and cards she had ever given me. It's very painful to read them, especially her proposal letter. (She had an easier time conveying important stuff in writing for some reason) I try to stay away from them, but do read them every now and then. I think about her every day. Some days just a little bit, and others where I want to pick up the phone and text her, or call. But I don't. It hurts too much, and will not help me one bit. I was really bad today. I broke down in the bathroom about 15 minutes ago before I got in the shower. I haven't been that bad since the day she did this. I don't know if it's because I'm actually trying to move on or what. I'm not trying to stop the breakdowns though. I need to let it out. Even if it is only talking/sobbing to myself. I know it will get better, though I will still have some bad days here and there.
prayformydownfall Posted March 10, 2005 Posted March 10, 2005 we all have days wen its hard and the only way to get thro them is to focus urself and be strong. its easy to be weak, cry and feel sorry for yourself but it takes a special kinda person to stand up and say i'm not having this anymore, i'm not gonna live my life wishin i still have somethin, yet look to what you can achieve and find!! that person is inside all of us, i've discovered him and i'm never gonna let go of him now!! PFMD
Author smile95 Posted March 10, 2005 Author Posted March 10, 2005 how is everyone today?? I had a rough day.....all week I was strong and today I broke down. Over something so dumb...my ex signing online. It just made me miss him! Then I heard songs all day that made me sad. I wish I could hit delete. I have to keep telling myself that he is not a good person and eventhough I love him very much, it is best I stay away. This sux. At times I want to just tell him I love him. At times I hate him. I hope that I get feel better soon. It has been 3 wks today that we have not spoken.
search4what Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Your not alone! I had a horrible night last night and shltty day today. I got a call from the ex last night which was a follow up from my b-day. Long story short, it was all relationship stuff, and I found out she is now seeing someone. Needless to say I could not sleep last night and could not eat today. I am done with this, I am not taking anymore calls and I will be damned if I will ever call her again. Now that hope is gone I am going to try and put this behind me after I get over the initial shock. I wold have thought 2.5 months would have been enough time to feel alittle better but I guess after 3.5 yrs it isnt. These damn calls dont help either.
Author smile95 Posted March 11, 2005 Author Posted March 11, 2005 I can tell you that the NC is the way to go and it will bet better. Evertime I long to hear from him and I call I get so mad. You are better off not knowing what they are doing I promise! It will not take long after you cut all contact/ I had a horrible day, but then thought logically........it cannot get any worse than I feel right now as long as I have nothing more to do with him. Hang in there and do not contact.
Isabella82 Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 About the whole entire reminders of the ex. I have my biggest issue with this, I am trying so hard to move on and forget but where ever I go I am constantly reminded. I kind of at first took these all as signs that we were meant to be, but someone said to me that if he is always on your mind, you can get reminded of them any way. The songs, the clothes, my apartment, my car, places I go, it is everything. Even as far as my favorite things, because we had a lot of the same favorites. And I always wonder if he is ever reminded of me, and how often. I mean a lot of this clothes, most of his boxers, are from me. The song My Boo by Usher is wierd, because he used to call me his boo. I just always wonder if he thinks about me. If he ever misses me. But I know that doesn't matter. I know one day the things that remind me of him, won't bother me at all.
agnf666 Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 I'm going through the same thing Isabella82. The no contact thing has be going strong for like 5 months. I called him once in november but never got a call back, so at that point I knew that there was no chance of getting back together with the person. The worse thing is the songs on the radio that remind me of him. Lost Phrophets and Linkin Park. If you stick to the no contact thing I think it will be fine, because I know if we talked it would make everything much harder. He told me he wanted to be friends and wanted to hang with me when we broke up but that didn't happen.
Isabella82 Posted March 12, 2005 Posted March 12, 2005 agnf666 your story sounds the same as mine. He broke up with me saying he wanted to stay friend, that we didn't have to be enemies, telling me he wants to get back together in the future...blah blah blah....none of that ever happened. We have not talked in about 6 months, the only time he has called me was to sell me a car, ask me stupid questions about a name of a movie, and one time he called me because he needed a place to crash. The nerve that some guys have. Anyway back to the whole reminders thing. I have just realize that even though all of these little reminders are hard at times, and makes us sad, but I am just glad that I never had children with him. I mean imagine what kind of reminder that would be.... you would have to keep in contact for the rest of your life....well if they are a good dad at least. Think about how hard that would be, your kids would talk about his new g/f etc..... See we don't have it that bad
agnf666 Posted March 12, 2005 Posted March 12, 2005 Isabella82 Are stories do match. It is wierd how alike it is. I'm the one that wanted to get into contact with him though over the past few months. I don't know why though because he treated me like ****. I'm so glad that I didn't have a child with him. That would be the worst thing in the world. To make things worse a year ago today (march 12, 2004) was the night that we became a couple. So, I just wish this day would go away and fast. I try not to think about him but I can't. I have always wondered if he thinks about me the way I think about him. About a month ago he asked my best friend about how I was doing and stuff, but we have still been doing the nc thing since august. So, I probably will never talk or hear from him agian. Oh well it isn't a big loss, but I just felt this connection with him.
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