Starnette83 Posted March 5, 2005 Posted March 5, 2005 I've been on this site for such a long time, i leave and i come back... I've had a b/f for 4 years and 2 months. The first year was great but after that lets just say I tried making things work out and i remained even though i no longer was happy..now i look at it and am shocked that its 3 years that ive been with him even though he doesnt make me completely happy, why have i remained???? In the time of staying with him ive lost my self respect, my self esteem and hes gained confidence, he knows how much i love him therefore he can act like a jerk whenever he wants because in a way he knows ill always be there, WHY DO I PERMIR THIS??? NOW THAT IM SO CONSCIOUS OF THIS CAN I BREAK THE CYCLE AND FINALLY LEAVE>?!??!?!?! See he is my first love, and im his too. We met when i was 17 and he was 16, lost our virginity together. We both didnt drive and lived a little distant but we still managed to see eahcother by bus and metro. I have to admit our first year was perfect!!! Now im living in dorms near his area and hes leaving to a school 3 hours away, it scares me and ive talked to him about it but he doesnt really care i think, hes leaving anyways. He doesnt give me any feedback like "dont worry, we will stilll see eachother", he just remains quiet or sometimes gets defensive. Right now hes ignoring me, and yesterday when i told him that i hate when he ignores me and that its better if i break it up cuz it seems like he doesnt care, he said its fine with him, its like he doesnt FIGHT FOR ME. I feel like itmakes no difference if im there for him or not, and it makes me so irritated but ive realized that its my fault, its no longer about him, im permitting this..WHY!?!?!?! i just hate having to give up after being together for so long but then again if i remain i will keep going back to this, and im not happy this way. it affects my mood and my self esteem big time!! sometimes i feel like im so not worthy because if i was he wouldnt be doing this..so im making an appointment to see a counselor that helps with these issues at school, ive realized i cant do this alone, ive tried for 3 years, now i need some professional help....i cant go on this way..im barely 21.
shamen Posted March 5, 2005 Posted March 5, 2005 Originally posted by Starnette83 it affects my mood and my self esteem big time!! sometimes i feel like im so not worthy because if i was he wouldnt be doing this..so im making an appointment to see a counselor that helps with these issues at school, ive realized i cant do this alone, ive tried for 3 years, now i need some professional help....i cant go on this way..im barely 21. Good idea in seeing a counselor! If you haven't been happy with this guy and you've been with him for 3 years, and you just feel stuck, it's time to make yourself happy. Focus on you. Seeing a counselor will help you to make goals for yourself, with or without your bf. Break ups suck, but staying in a relationship that is making you miserable isn't much help to you either. Going to the counselor will help you to objectively look at what's going on and you will feel like you can make some decisions. Maybe you're not looking at the relationship objectively either. (You never know.) It helps to get a professional opinion.
lostandlonely Posted March 5, 2005 Posted March 5, 2005 I was in a very similar situation to you, only i was the guy who got confident and acted like a jerk (same age as you to). In the end my gf broke up with me, she wasnt happy, however now she's very happy (im not, but thats not the point), so i suppose what im saying is that if you feel you need to get out then do it. My ex (who i still love) seems so much happier for having broke up with me and im pleased for her, i hate myself for the way i treated her, but im genuinely glad that she's happy. At the end of the day (and its something thats keeping me going right now) nearly all first loves dont last. Pretty much everyone is curious as to what else is out there, i was convinced that she was the one for me and that we'd always be together yet when i was drunk (very drunk) and another girl offered i couldnt say no. Although it'll hurt you both, the fact (depressingly) is that most people dont start spend the whole of their lives with their first love, couples break up and do get back together later on. But everyone needs that experience of the currently unknown, better to break up now than have kids before he runs off with the secretary. Im sorry for turning this into a whinge about my problems, and im not trying to justify my cheating, but i hope that you can lift something useful from my experience. Also im not saying break up with him definately, but if you arent happy i'd really suggest thinking about it. It worked for my ex (shame for me though)
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