smile95 Posted March 5, 2005 Posted March 5, 2005 ok. My bf of 3 yrs suddenly stopped calling and ignores me? He has done this beore when work gets crazy and he gets stressed, but it is not fair that he ignores me! I kinda went overboard with text when he stopped talking to meand he prob is mad about that, but it has been 2 wks and I have not heard a word. He usually does this and then a month later calls and says he loves me and just needed time. I want to move on. I have to. THis is a very emotionally abusive relationship and long distance. He also is going thru a divorce and child custody. What do I do? It does not help to leave messages. Even nice ones he ignores. Do you think I should somehow find closure on my own and leave him alone? I do love him, but I think I built him up so much that I love the person i made up and not him. The person I want to love should want me to help them gt thru a hard time and not ignore me. If I try and keep busy and do not contact him, will I eventually get over him? I do love him and I know he loves me, but I feel like it needs to end for me to be happy. How do you find closure without the other person helping! I even asked him to text me if he wanted to end it and nothing! Pleeeeeease someone tell me this pain will go away. Will I stop missing him? Will i stop wondering what he is doing? HELP
Barby Posted March 5, 2005 Posted March 5, 2005 Do you think I should somehow find closure on my own and leave him alone? Yes honestly I think you should. It sounds like he's started NC (no contact) with you..maybe he's hoping you'll get the hint and he won't have to be "man enough" to tell you outright that it's over. I know this has got to be hard....but why would you put up with someone who didn't respect you? A whole month with no word from him? That's just wrong! No matter how much it hurts I think the best thing would be for you to start your own "NC" and stop texting him, calling, no emails, ect!! How do you find closure without the other person helping! I even asked him to text me if he wanted to end it and nothing! There is no one sure-fire way.....but as I stated above, stop contacting him and try and move on. It will be natural to always wonder.....BUT he isn't considerate what-so-ever of your feelings so why be with someone like that? When you asked him to text you if it was over...and he didn't....that right there says he doesn't give two sh*ts!!!!!! If he didn't want it to be over...he should have responded and said "no I need time" or whatever...but he didn't so it sounds like he expects you to get the hint that he's not going to talk to you.
Author smile95 Posted March 5, 2005 Author Posted March 5, 2005 Thanks. Tomorrow will be a week that I have done NC. He is inconsiderate and always has been. I want to move on. It is hard since I planned to be with him forever. He usually calls me when he does this when I stop calling him because he thinks I have someone else. He is NOT thinking about my feelings...you are right. I hope that I can have fun with someone new and fall in love again. He does this ignoring game a lot and I do not want this for the rest of my life! Thanks for your advice. I am sticking to NC. If I contact, it just works me up more. How long until i stop obessing over him???? Usaully right when i start to move on, he calls and sucks me in.
Barby Posted March 5, 2005 Posted March 5, 2005 I hope that I can have fun with someone new and fall in love again. Make sure you're feeling "whole" again and feeling good about yourself and happy before attempting to date someone else. You don't want to put the responsiblity of making you happy and making you feel good about yourself on a new relationship...that could doom it before it gets a chance to really get started....not that you are or would do this but sometimes we do this without realizing it. You've gotta feel good about you before you can feel good with someone else! How long until i stop obessing over him???? Usaully right when i start to move on, he calls and sucks me in. I wish I could tell you...but no one can...you can't even "know" how long it will take for your heart to heal or to "stop obsessing over him" As for your last comment, he can only suck you in if you allow him to. You said it best yourself...you don't want to be going through this the rest of your life! No one deserves to be ignored and made to feel un-important! Oh yeah and congrads on the NC!!
Author smile95 Posted March 5, 2005 Author Posted March 5, 2005 I know what has to be done. I have to let go. If he wants to play games, he can. I quit. I love him so much and that is what hurts. I am realizing that I could never be happy with him. Maybe one day I will look back and be glad I let go when I am with a great guy. I wish I did not love him. I wish I could hate him. I am trying to be happy alone. I was alone with him though too. Since it was LDR I never saw him. How can two people be so in love and then end it. What an emotional roller coaster! I love him/I hate him. I am going to do my best to be happy, but my self esteem is shot and I hate it when he puts me thru this! This is the 3rd time he has done this and then blames stress. Do you believe you can fall in love more than once in your life???I hope
Barby Posted March 5, 2005 Posted March 5, 2005 This is the 3rd time he has done this and then blames stress. Do you believe you can fall in love more than once in your life???I hope Stress is not to be blamed for inconsiderate behavior that is a "CHOICE"!!!!! Stress can be blamed for "feelings" certain things but not "acting" in anyway! Yes I personally believe you can fall in love more than once...I understand you loved him very much, and I don't believe he failed to convince you that he loved you the same...however I'm sorry but his actions suggest either... 1) these were just "words" 2) he does love you but is very selfish/inconsiderate 3) he wants to "keep you" and maybe has someone else..blows you off when things are good but keeps you around for when they are bad?!?! (just a thought I have no basis for this but just an ugly thought that creeped into my mind while responding). Yes you'll fall in love again, hopefully next time the man will appreciate you and treat you well!
Author smile95 Posted March 5, 2005 Author Posted March 5, 2005 Oh believe me I have gone thru all possibilities! Last time a PI was following him and calling me and that is why he stopped contact. (his soon to be ex must have known I existed). We did not start dating til he was sep though. He is very busy and I have always thought that he just wanted me around when he was not busy. I know he loved me, but I agree that he is very selfish and may not know the meaning of love. I think I am afraid of never finding anyone else and I am latching on. i am 28 and not getting any younger!
Author smile95 Posted March 5, 2005 Author Posted March 5, 2005 thanks for taking the time to talk to me. All of my friends are pretty tired of hearing me talk about it. Looking back I have been trying to leave him now for about 1.5 yrs and just could not. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise
Barby Posted March 5, 2005 Posted March 5, 2005 Yes it probably is a blessing in disguise..no need to thank...that's why there is this place to come and talk and get feedback/sympathy/advice, ect from us.... Wow so you hired a PI to follow him around? I'm shocked but I can see why you would want to though. 28 is not old but think of it this way..the longer you wait to leave and get over him, the older you're getting and the more time you're wasting. You could be missing the "real" love of your life and not even realize....a bit of advice.... I think I am afraid of never finding anyone else and I am latching on. You probably didn't mean this literally but in case you did..most men are EXTREMELY put off and turned off by clingly needy women. I mean no need to be distant but if you come across as you make them the center of your life...it tends to scare them away. (you probably know this already so sorry if I'm telling you something that is common sense to ya! hahaha!)
Author smile95 Posted March 5, 2005 Author Posted March 5, 2005 Oh no his wife hired the PI. Not me. That is when he got scared of losing his son. It is really more than I want to put up with in my life. My "latching on" was not noticeable. I did not cling. But I did want more of his time. He found it so hard to call me everyday. I had to beg for a call even when he knew I was in surgery one time....prob not a good sign. Damn...the more iwrite the more i see what i put up with?
MissTaerie Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 Beth - Get rid of this guy so you can make some room in your life for a new person. I know its hard and have so been there done that. Make yourself busy. Take classes. Take up a new hobby. Stay busy and out there meeting new people.
Author smile95 Posted March 7, 2005 Author Posted March 7, 2005 thanks for the tips. I have been so involved with making HIM my life, I have forgotten who i am and what I like. I hope things get better. I did love him.
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