How to date?

[yololin]

Strange question, but can i ask how you guys typically date? -from both genders. like, what are your steps?

 

Before, I've been in several long term relationships which all started with a mutual instant attraction. I've never had to chase someone I've liked. So, I've never experienced dates with new girls - tentatively exploring romantic possibilities with strangers whom you don't know yet, seemed backwards to me.

 

My experiences started last year when I was working in Bangkok. I was in a long distance relationship at the time so I wasn't interested in meeting new girls. But eventually, I met girls who would just confess their love to me really quickly, after a few meetings with me. it was repellent. I felt that they were more attracted to the idea of me, being Chinese from abroad, working, etc. than really liking me as a person? Gradually as I received these confessions I began asking myself, I'm not even lifting a finger. what is going on here!?

 

This summer i decided to go out dating to see what's out there in London. I've met maybe 2-3 girls who came across as really eager to take things further, but i felt no vibes for. And they all asked me why I hadn't made a move on them at all - .e.g. holding hands, kiss, hug etc. I told them I was getting to know them. One went as far as asking if I was gay, and whether she was attractive enough for me. Let's just be clear. I don't think I'm a good looking guy (nor am I rich). either way, as soon as they confessed their crush on me I explained my feelings and stopped seeing them. I feel pity for these girls, because they seem quite genuine. Pretty girls for other people I think... But once you've been to the mountain top, you can't go back down.

 

I spoke to a Korean friend of mine. I told him about my experiences and he asked if I was crazy for not trying to sleep with all of them first. Is this what girls want too? I know that if I sleep with them, it would just make it harder to clear things up with them later, and also it would eat at my conscience. I guess i'm just an old soul. but at the same time, I think maybe I'm doing something wrong?

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

Depending on which side of London, them girls do expect some action.

[Crila16]

So, your friend wants you to sleep with these girls that are in love with you, but you have no feelings for? Why? So you can break their hearts for your own selfish purpose? The 2 seconds of gratification? Are the 2 seconds really worth hurting someone and causing them to lose faith in men and relationships and having the girl question "Is there something wrong with me?"

 

I think you're smart not to do that to another human being. Why would you want to intentionally hurt someone, when you don't have to.

 

As for dating...I'm from the F yes and F no school now. There are no grey areas. I'm tired of the grow to love someone. It doesn't work and it feels forced. There needs to at least be a spark from the start. Not madly in love spark...but a small spark.

 

...and that's it. It will all come naturally if the person you have a spark for, has a spark back. That's called chemistry. You won't have to question how to date or what to do. Just know, it doesn't come along everyday, so be patient and wait for it. It will happen. Just stop thinking about it and live your life.

[smackie9]

Yololin, it all depends on where your priorities are. You want to wait for that instant attraction, then so be it, I'm the same way. Obviously your friends have a different perspective on dating which is fine..... Everyone is different.