NotMeToo Posted March 5, 2005 Posted March 5, 2005 Is it ok to ask MM what is going on with the W? My MM is supposedly leaving his wife. He has been staying with me for the past week. I am curious about their relationship (why was he unhappy, why does he want out when they have only been married for 1 and 1/2 years), and what is going on between them now (are they still talking, do they see eachother, etc). Is this none of my business?
curly Posted March 5, 2005 Posted March 5, 2005 Of course it's your business. It's your relationship too. And his interaction with affects your feelings. Is he not open about what happened, what is happening now? If you need answers for your emotional well-being, then you should get answers. He should understand that. Ask the questions. Especially while he's living at your place.
Author NotMeToo Posted March 5, 2005 Author Posted March 5, 2005 He is fairly open when I ask him direct questions. But sometimes he will say "Why are we talking about her...I want to talk about us." I only know a few things about their relationship. I just don't want to nag him. Maybe I shouldn't care what went on with them...but I do!
nextel Posted March 6, 2005 Posted March 6, 2005 I read somewhere in a magazine that, if you want a man you have to pretend as if somethings are not worth discussing and others are. If I were you, I would be discussing issues that do not center around her (thats if you want him). Make her an irrelevant party in all this. Have good times together and build memories so that he finds it hard to go back to her. Ask him about his job, hobbies, movies. Talk about issues that are of interest to the both of you. You have to win him emotionally in order to win the battle and not just the war. But you must also remember, the first 2 years of a marriage are the hardest (from what I have been told), and some people never make it past the 1st year.
erika2610 Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 Originally posted by nextel I read somewhere in a magazine that, if you want a man you have to pretend as if somethings are not worth discussing and others are. If I were you, I would be discussing issues that do not center around her (thats if you want him). Make her an irrelevant party in all this. Have good times together and build memories so that he finds it hard to go back to her. Ask him about his job, hobbies, movies. Talk about issues that are of interest to the both of you. You have to win him emotionally in order to win the battle and not just the war. But you must also remember, the first 2 years of a marriage are the hardest (from what I have been told), and some people never make it past the 1st year. Nextel.. no offense, but why do you seem so interested in this subject? I've been an OW, and I had no problem asking him about the W.. and he had no problem talking about it. I think you have a right to know.
erika2610 Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 But then again, every situation's different.. I would just use judgement in what I asked..
Author NotMeToo Posted March 7, 2005 Author Posted March 7, 2005 Originally posted by erika2610 But then again, every situation's different.. I would just use judgement in what I asked.. What do you mean? What kind of things are ok vs. not ok? And you said you've been there...what happened?
erika2610 Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 What kinds of things do you wanna know about her and the MM? I've been there yes.. I used to ask things about her. Nothing specific I don't think. If I did, I would get 'ehhh I don't wanna talk about her' alot of the times. I would ask like when he was leaving her.. if she knew.. or what she would do if she found out. I think I also asked what HE would do if she found out. Of course I got a pack of lies though. 'Ohhh if she found out, I wouldn't care.. I would leave. Well, 'She found out, And here I am, trying to get over him..
Author NotMeToo Posted March 7, 2005 Author Posted March 7, 2005 Originally posted by erika2610 What kinds of things do you wanna know about her and the MM? I've been there yes.. I used to ask things about her. Nothing specific I don't think. If I did, I would get 'ehhh I don't wanna talk about her' alot of the times. I would ask like when he was leaving her.. if she knew.. or what she would do if she found out. I think I also asked what HE would do if she found out. Of course I got a pack of lies though. 'Ohhh if she found out, I wouldn't care.. I would leave. Well, 'She found out, And here I am, trying to get over him.. She found out? Wow. My MM's W found out also. Supposedly he left her. It really scares me to hear other people say their MM left and then returned. My MM doesn't have any kids and he says he wants to be with me, but after reading all the posts here I am afraid he will just go back to her in a month. I just wonder if MM and his wife tried to work it out, why is he so willing to get divorced, how will his family feel, etc. Could it be that they just really aren't meant to be? Is it possible that he is telling me the truth or am I destined for heartbreak?
erika2610 Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 As I said, every situation's different. Some MM leave and don't return to the W. He COULD be telling you the truth. But also could just be telling you what you wanna hear. But don't forget either, that old saying 'if he did it with you, he'll do it to you'. Are you registered? Cuz I tried to PM you and couldn't..
Author NotMeToo Posted March 7, 2005 Author Posted March 7, 2005 Originally posted by erika2610 As I said, every situation's different. Some MM leave and don't return to the W. He COULD be telling you the truth. But also could just be telling you what you wanna hear. But don't forget either, that old saying 'if he did it with you, he'll do it to you'. Are you registered? Cuz I tried to PM you and couldn't.. erica2610 - I am registered. If you hit the icon next to my name you should be allowed to send me a private message from there. I am really sorry about your situation, by the way. It sounds terrible, but you seem to be a very strong person.
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