he thinks i am too good for him

[babsr]

I think that you either have to choose to trust him, or realize that similar arguments/ conversations are going to keep popping up. Yes he is meeting other girls, but of course he is - he is studying abroad. The difference is, it seems like he has never given you any reason to not trust him. If he wants to cheat, he is going to do it regardless of a facebook status. If he is telling you he loves you, then maybe it would be easier just to believe him until the situation changes.

 

LDRs are already so hard, and having anxiety is not going to make it any easier. But maybe just let go of the fear of losing him, and just trust him and be there for him like is trying to be for you. I think that it is hard because you only get limited contact and that's all you have to go on. But at the end of the day, you are the one he is calling goodnight and talking to about his day. He still wants you, and just try and accept that and try and go about your life as best you can for the next couple months!

[lamaga]

I think that you either have to choose to trust him, or realize that similar arguments/ conversations are going to keep popping up. Yes he is meeting other girls, but of course he is - he is studying abroad. The difference is, it seems like he has never given you any reason to not trust him. If he wants to cheat, he is going to do it regardless of a facebook status. If he is telling you he loves you, then maybe it would be easier just to believe him until the situation changes.

 

LDRs are already so hard, and having anxiety is not going to make it any easier. But maybe just let go of the fear of losing him, and just trust him and be there for him like is trying to be for you. I think that it is hard because you only get limited contact and that's all you have to go on. But at the end of the day, you are the one he is calling goodnight and talking to about his day. He still wants you, and just try and accept that and try and go about your life as best you can for the next couple months!

 

That's the point - we barely talk, and when we do, he barely talks about what he's been doing. He doesn't tell me anything about the people he meets.

Now he made his facebook friendlist private, so I can't even see anymore who he is adding. He did this on purpose, I believe, because just as he is hiding his relationship from the people he meets there he is hiding what he is doing there from me. I just told him I wished for more transparency in our relationship and he is doing the complete opposite. I can't relax like that. Not at all.

[ExpatInItaly]

That's the point - we barely talk, and when we do, he barely talks about what he's been doing. He doesn't tell me anything about the people he meets.

Now he made his facebook friendlist private, so I can't even see anymore who he is adding. He did this on purpose, I believe, because just as he is hiding his relationship from the people he meets there he is hiding what he is doing there from me. I just told him I wished for more transparency in our relationship and he is doing the complete opposite. I can't relax like that. Not at all.

 

I don't think anyone could. He knows you have some fears and anxiety, and he's showing you he's not going to be compassionate about it. He's even taking steps to do the opposite. Unless you are interrogating him about who's on his FB list and so on, I don't see the sense in making his friend list private if not to rile you up and prove a point. He seems immature, to be honest. I don't know, OP. I think I would be calling a time-out on the relationship for a little while.

[babsr]

That's the point - we barely talk, and when we do, he barely talks about what he's been doing...I just told him I wished for more transparency in our relationship and he is doing the complete opposite. I can't relax like that. Not at all.

 

Oh I thought you said he was doing better by calling you more. I agree that this is really immature of him if he knows you are struggling with this. And it seems very targeted - it seems like he is only doing this to hurt you. I think you need to seriously think about if this is someone you want to keep in your life. I think if you want to keep trying then you both need to figure out a way to make this work and keep you both happy. Right now it seems like instead of breaking up, you are breaking slowly with each calculated move he makes to get under your skin.

[lamaga]

Oh I thought you said he was doing better by calling you more. I agree that this is really immature of him if he knows you are struggling with this. And it seems very targeted - it seems like he is only doing this to hurt you. I think you need to seriously think about if this is someone you want to keep in your life. I think if you want to keep trying then you both need to figure out a way to make this work and keep you both happy. Right now it seems like instead of breaking up, you are breaking slowly with each calculated move he makes to get under your skin.

 

Well, when we talked Saturday he said we'll "talk tomorrow", which was yesterday, but nothing came from him. I was completely sad about it. In the evening then a message "I had a long day and I am very tired, going to sleep, hope you are okay". I was literally on the verge of ripping every photo I have of him from my walls. Ok, I did do that… I was so angry.

Today he tried calling me three times, but the first time I was with friends and the second time I was rushing to work. He also emailed me "I want to see you real bad", but I didn't reply. I am still angry. Especially because he is running away from conversation and only wants to be in touch with me when it's most convenient for him, it seems. I am always available. I decided I won't do that anymore. Yes, I have been available at almost every time of the day because I always have been making time for him, even if I had better things to do, and often I was even waiting for him to call, sometimes til late hours.

But not anymore. I decided that, from now on, when he calls at a time we didn't agree on, and if at that time I am actually doing something (any activity that I enjoy doing, like, say, being with friends or running, or being at work), then I WONT pick up. I won't just drop everything for this man anymore. End of story. I know I need to be more independent and this is my first step. I really hope it will make me feel better. And a nice side effect will maybe be that he realises that he needs to step up.

 

But you guys are completely right, he knows exactly where he has me, THAT he has me, and that I WONT be the one to break it off as long as he plays 'his game'. I don't want to play that game anymore.

 

I just want to love someone and be loved. I will wait for him to come back and see what happens then, but even if in February things won't be different, then I won't continue with this relationship. I will give him a chance, but I will also start to take my distance.

 

Thanks for all your input.

[Els]

Well, when we talked Saturday he said we'll "talk tomorrow", which was yesterday, but nothing came from him. I was completely sad about it. In the evening then a message "I had a long day and I am very tired, going to sleep, hope you are okay". I was literally on the verge of ripping every photo I have of him from my walls. Ok, I did do that… I was so angry.

Today he tried calling me three times, but the first time I was with friends and the second time I was rushing to work. He also emailed me "I want to see you real bad", but I didn't reply. I am still angry. Especially because he is running away from conversation and only wants to be in touch with me when it's most convenient for him, it seems. I am always available. I decided I won't do that anymore. Yes, I have been available at almost every time of the day because I always have been making time for him, even if I had better things to do, and often I was even waiting for him to call, sometimes til late hours.

But not anymore. I decided that, from now on, when he calls at a time we didn't agree on, and if at that time I am actually doing something (any activity that I enjoy doing, like, say, being with friends or running, or being at work), then I WONT pick up. I won't just drop everything for this man anymore. End of story. I know I need to be more independent and this is my first step. I really hope it will make me feel better. And a nice side effect will maybe be that he realises that he needs to step up.

 

I'm all for being more independent, but IMO this is not the way to go about it. There is a big difference between doing your own thing because you want to and accidentally missing calls (which is fine), and ignoring his calls on purpose so that he 'realises he needs to step up' (which is what it sounds like you're trying to do).

 

You said he hung up on you even though you were crying, but you were crying over... what? The fact that he had gone out last night, even though you had done the exact same thing. What were you expecting him to do? Apologize and say that he won't ever go out at night again, even though you are free to do so yourself?

 

I'm not pinning the blame solely on you - I do agree that he should be putting in more effort. But based on reading your posts, it sounds like you are harbouring an excessive degree of anxiety and jealousy, and it is unhealthy for you. And unhealthy for any relationship you will ever be in, regardless of whether it is with a man who puts in effort or not.

 

I mean, didn't you make a thread about how your bf stepped up his effort and that actually increased your anxiety because you thought that he was doing it to make up for cheating on you?? At this stage no one can do anything to make things better for you. Him calling more often isn't going to fix anything. You need to work on it yourself. With a professional.

 

I hope you don't take my post the wrong way - I'm not trying to pile on you, I'm telling you this because I've been in a similar situation.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm all for being more independent, but IMO this is not the way to go about it. There is a big difference between doing your own thing because you want to and accidentally missing calls (which is fine), and ignoring his calls on purpose so that he 'realises he needs to step up' (which is what it sounds like you're trying to do).

 

You said he hung up on you even though you were crying, but you were crying over... what? The fact that he had gone out last night, even though you had done the exact same thing. What were you expecting him to do? Apologize and say that he won't ever go out at night again, even though you are free to do so yourself?

 

I'm not pinning the blame solely on you - I do agree that he should be putting in more effort. But based on reading your posts, it sounds like you are harbouring an excessive degree of anxiety and jealousy, and it is unhealthy for you. And unhealthy for any relationship you will ever be in, regardless of whether it is with a man who puts in effort or not.

 

I mean, didn't you make a thread about how your bf stepped up his effort and that actually increased your anxiety because you thought that he was doing it to make up for cheating on you?? At this stage no one can do anything to make things better for you. Him calling more often isn't going to fix anything. You need to work on it yourself. With a professional.

 

I hope you don't take my post the wrong way - I'm not trying to pile on you, I'm telling you this because I've been in a similar situation.

 

I have to agree with this. OP, you certainly don't need to be kept waiting for him, particularly when he's been less than forthcoming and understanding. I completely understand why so much of this is upsetting to you. I think he's done some things that are not acceptable, and wouldn't fly with me for one hot second. But I also think that the way you're responding to it and dealing with your fear isn't good for you and is ultimately beginning to push him away. His response to the latest problem indicates he's tiring of it and is pulling back. The dynamic has become very negative and won't last another few months.

[LittleTiger]

Lamaga, I've been following your threads with a growing feeling of sadness for you. Your relationship is not healthy and it's not good for you.

 

The dynamic between the two of you doesn't work, at least not from a distance. Your bf can't find the right balance to keep you happy so your anxiety is increasing and he's now backing off and starting to shut you out. If he was committed to this relationship in the past, he definitely isn't now.

 

Most men hate drama. They want a woman who is happy, relaxed and comfortable with herself. A woman they can look forward to spending time with, who is fun to talk to, enjoys her life and wants to share her joy with him.

 

Your bf feels he can't make you happy, so he's decided he's not 'good enough' for you and, as a result, he's cutting you out of his life. You can't make anyone love you and you can't turn them into somebody you want them to be.

 

I can understand your fears and your anxieties but I feel you should end this relationship for the sake of your mental health and perhaps seek some professional counselling.

 

I'm truly sorry for you that this hasn't worked out as you'd hoped.

[Arieswoman]

Lamaga,

I think you should listen to your guy and believe him.

 

I was told by 2 guys "I'm not a very nice person, don't get involved with me". I did and they weren't".

 

He's waving a big red flag at you, RUN !!

[lamaga]

I'm all for being more independent, but IMO this is not the way to go about it. There is a big difference between doing your own thing because you want to and accidentally missing calls (which is fine), and ignoring his calls on purpose so that he 'realises he needs to step up' (which is what it sounds like you're trying to do).

 

You said he hung up on you even though you were crying, but you were crying over... what? The fact that he had gone out last night, even though you had done the exact same thing. What were you expecting him to do? Apologize and say that he won't ever go out at night again, even though you are free to do so yourself?

 

I'm not pinning the blame solely on you - I do agree that he should be putting in more effort. But based on reading your posts, it sounds like you are harbouring an excessive degree of anxiety and jealousy, and it is unhealthy for you. And unhealthy for any relationship you will ever be in, regardless of whether it is with a man who puts in effort or not.

 

I mean, didn't you make a thread about how your bf stepped up his effort and that actually increased your anxiety because you thought that he was doing it to make up for cheating on you?? At this stage no one can do anything to make things better for you. Him calling more often isn't going to fix anything. You need to work on it yourself. With a professional.

 

I hope you don't take my post the wrong way - I'm not trying to pile on you, I'm telling you this because I've been in a similar situation.

 

I don't ever give him **** for going out, of course I go out and so does he, I don't have a problem with that, we were going out separately when he was here as well, we both have our independent lives.

All i wanted was for him to show more transparency and he doesn't seem to get it. I can't do anything about that. I was crying because I felt I was talking to a wall when expressing my feelings.

 

He added me to snap chat today and sent me a snap "I miss you here" with making a sad face. I am realising he is trying to get in touch. But I just don't know what to do at this point - pick up and pretend I didn't ask for more transparency on Saturday? Pick up and pretend we didn't have this conversation? because that's what he does - he doesn't really respond to the things I say, then waits a day or two, calls, and pretend like nothing ever happened. For him, things are ok the way they are, for me, they are not. It's simple.

 

As for what everyone else is saying, i won't leave him. I love him very much and he loves me and I think things will be much better when he comes back, but I want to see if it works until then. I am realising I need to step back a bit and distance myself emotionally from him.

 

And about doing my own thing: Of course I am doing it on purpose. I am purposefully doing my own thing. I have to force myself to do it. Because it is difficult for me to concentrate on things, in general.

 

Anyway, thanks also to everyone who says I should break up, I appreciate your input. I just know that this is not the ONLY solution for me to be independent. I know I can do this, even when being in the relationship. It's a challenge, but I am gladly taking it.

[mammasita]

I think his priorities with contacting you have ALOT to do with his age. Years ago when my sons father and I were newlyweds (He was 23ish, I was 27ish) he had to immediately deploy due to 9/11. When their ship FINALLY pulled into port, I would have thought that the first thing he would want to do is call me to hear my voice because he loved me and missed me so much, right?

 

Wrong - and I was sooooooooo upset.

 

I knew they were in port, because that used to be my ship too (I was in the military as well) and still had many friends there.

 

So, the point is - I don't think your man (or my husband at the time) doesn't/didn't love or miss us - they just have/had their priorities all effed up, in our opinions of course, and it takes time and maturity to learn (if ever).

 

The point to that point being, are you willing to wait him out knowing that you can't change him and even then he may not ever change.

[mickleb]

You're insistent that you love him but, actually, it doesn't even sound as though you like him very much.

 

You may be determined to keep this relationship alive but it takes two. You are needy and he doesn't need that.

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't ever give him **** for going out, of course I go out and so does he, I don't have a problem with that, we were going out separately when he was here as well, we both have our independent lives.

All i wanted was for him to show more transparency and he doesn't seem to get it. I can't do anything about that. I was crying because I felt I was talking to a wall when expressing my feelings.

 

He added me to snap chat today and sent me a snap "I miss you here" with making a sad face. I am realising he is trying to get in touch. But I just don't know what to do at this point - pick up and pretend I didn't ask for more transparency on Saturday? Pick up and pretend we didn't have this conversation? because that's what he does - he doesn't really respond to the things I say, then waits a day or two, calls, and pretend like nothing ever happened. For him, things are ok the way they are, for me, they are not. It's simple.

 

As for what everyone else is saying, i won't leave him. I love him very much and he loves me and I think things will be much better when he comes back, but I want to see if it works until then. I am realising I need to step back a bit and distance myself emotionally from him.

 

And about doing my own thing: Of course I am doing it on purpose. I am purposefully doing my own thing. I have to force myself to do it. Because it is difficult for me to concentrate on things, in general.

 

Anyway, thanks also to everyone who says I should break up, I appreciate your input. I just know that this is not the ONLY solution for me to be independent. I know I can do this, even when being in the relationship. It's a challenge, but I am gladly taking it.

 

He's conflict-avoidant and needs to mature. Your separation anxiety and abandonment fears need to be put in check. Otherwise, the relationship won't last. Your resentment will grow and he will pull further back. Nobody is perfect, but he seems to content to sweep a lot of it under the rug and carry on doing whatever it is he's doing over there while you agonize over it. Sending a sad face takes 3 seconds, but perhaps he hopes that will placate you for now. The underlying problems are continuing to fester in the meantime. Has he explained why he hid his FB list from you? Why he hung up on you when you were trying to talk to him? ...Doesn't sound like you're gladly doing anything, girl.

[lamaga]

He's conflict-avoidant and needs to mature. Your separation anxiety and abandonment fears need to be put in check. Otherwise, the relationship won't last. Your resentment will grow and he will pull further back. Nobody is perfect, but he seems to content to sweep a lot of it under the rug and carry on doing whatever it is he's doing over there while you agonize over it. Sending a sad face takes 3 seconds, but perhaps he hopes that will placate you for now. The underlying problems are continuing to fester in the meantime. Has he explained why he hid his FB list from you? Why he hung up on you when you were trying to talk to him? ...Doesn't sound like you're gladly doing anything, girl.

 

He didn't explain it yet, no. But I think he wants to. He called me this morning at 5am my time - he knows I am sleeping, so it must have been something urgent. And He called this evening too but I was in my seminar. And then my best friend called me I should check Facebook and it said that he is "in a relationship". Odd guy. Waiting to see what happens tomorrow…

I hope he will call and I hope that he will explain himself.

[ExpatInItaly]

He didn't explain it yet, no. But I think he wants to. He called me this morning at 5am my time - he knows I am sleeping, so it must have been something urgent. And He called this evening too but I was in my seminar. And then my best friend called me I should check Facebook and it said that he is "in a relationship". Odd guy. Waiting to see what happens tomorrow…

I hope he will call and I hope that he will explain himself.

 

I suppose that is a positive sign. But his inconsistency and unwillingness to talk problems out in a mature way would not sit well with me in general. There are still issues that need to be addressed, in my opinion. Keep us posted, OP

[lamaga]

I suppose that is a positive sign. But his inconsistency and unwillingness to talk problems out in a mature way would not sit well with me in general. There are still issues that need to be addressed, in my opinion. Keep us posted, OP

 

Exactly.

He texted me today.

"I can't reach you, been trying for days. I have so much to do right now for Uni. I will try again next week."

 

Me: "I saw you called me at 5 am. And when I was in a seminar. Whats up?"

 

He: "Nothing special. I just wanted to see you."

 

Me: "Have you thought about the things I said on Saturday?"

 

He: "Yes"

 

Me: "What have you thought about?"

 

He: "I love you very much, LaMaga!"

 

 

I didn't really know what to say then. Have class now, maybe I will call him later, or maybe he will, and explain in detail. I guess it is an overall positive sign that he says he loves me, and that this is his conclusion, but still, I need more transparency and I hope he will be changing some things in the coming days/weeks….

[ExpatInItaly]

Exactly.

He texted me today.

"I can't reach you, been trying for days. I have so much to do right now for Uni. I will try again next week."

 

Me: "I saw you called me at 5 am. And when I was in a seminar. Whats up?"

 

He: "Nothing special. I just wanted to see you."

 

Me: "Have you thought about the things I said on Saturday?"

 

He: "Yes"

 

Me: "What have you thought about?"

 

He: "I love you very much, LaMaga!"

 

 

I didn't really know what to say then. Have class now, maybe I will call him later, or maybe he will, and explain in detail. I guess it is an overall positive sign that he says he loves me, and that this is his conclusion, but still, I need more transparency and I hope he will be changing some things in the coming days/weeks….

 

His response - while sweet - would irritate me. He doesn't want to talk about what's on your mind, at least not at the moment. And he's been trying to reach you for days? I thought he said you'd talk a few days ago and then he never called. Just sent a message that he was tired and going to bed?

 

Anyway, I'm not sure what to suggest at this point. He's apparently not open to discussing the issues and you're being left hanging. I don't really know what he expects you to do or think when there's so much grey area.

[lamaga]

His response - while sweet - would irritate me. He doesn't want to talk about what's on your mind, at least not at the moment. And he's been trying to reach you for days? I thought he said you'd talk a few days ago and then he never called. Just sent a message that he was tired and going to bed?

 

Anyway, I'm not sure what to suggest at this point. He's apparently not open to discussing the issues and you're being left hanging. I don't really know what he expects you to do or think when there's so much grey area.

 

At this point I almost think he is just not perceptive at all of other people's feelings and emotions. Like, he just doesn't get it... Maybe it's some personality disorder, I don't know.

He texted me yesterday, saying how much he misses me and that he needs and wants to talk to me and see me. He then called me, again professing his love for me, saying how much he misses me and he even cried a bit, saying he'd "give anything to just be able to kiss me right this moment" (and how "damn ****ty it is to be without me"). Today he's been texting me a lot, making jokes and I was joking back and he said "this is exactly why i am with you"… and now he wants to call again today, even though we said we will talk Sunday.

I am glad we talk more now, but still, it bothers me he can't deal with confrontation and he almost never responds to me expressing how I feel. It's probably an age-thing. Will see how it goes.

[mickleb]

This:

 

He texted me yesterday, saying how much he misses me and that he needs and wants to talk to me and see me. He then called me, again professing his love for me, saying how much he misses me and he even cried a bit, saying he'd "give anything to just be able to kiss me right this moment" (and how "damn ****ty it is to be without me"). Today he's been texting me a lot, making jokes and I was joking back and he said "this is exactly why i am with you"… and now he wants to call again today, even though we said we will talk Sunday.

 

Does not exemplify this:

 

At this point I almost think he is just not perceptive at all of other people's feelings and emotions. Like, he just doesn't get it... Maybe it's some personality disorder, I don't know.

[lamaga]

This:

 

 

 

Does not exemplify this:

 

 

I know, it' so odd… But things are going so well right now, every morning I wake up with a text, snapchat or email from him, every day he wants to talk to me, we smile and laugh and reassure each other without fear or pressure. When it's like this, it is quite easy for me to push away the 'real' fundamental problems we have. But I know that they will come back, and that the next 4 months will be a continuous up and down roller coaster… Right now we are up… And the 'down' part will be scary, because I am so bad at not 'nagging' about how important my feelings are, for **** sake…

 

How does one keep it up?

[mickleb]

I know, it' so odd… But things are going so well right now, every morning I wake up with a text, snapchat or email from him, every day he wants to talk to me, we smile and laugh and reassure each other without fear or pressure. When it's like this, it is quite easy for me to push away the 'real' fundamental problems we have. But I know that they will come back, and that the next 4 months will be a continuous up and down roller coaster… Right now we are up… And the 'down' part will be scary, because I am so bad at not 'nagging' about how important my feelings are, for **** sake…

 

How does one keep it up?

 

Can you list what you think your fundamental problems are?

 

(I don't think anyone should aspire to be good at nagging, btw.)

[lamaga]

Can you list what you think your fundamental problems are?

 

(I don't think anyone should aspire to be good at nagging, btw.)

 

I wrote I am bad at not nagging about certain things… meaning I nag a lot and that's a problem I have.

 

Some girl on Facebook posted a photo of them arm in arm, tagged him, and he accepted it to show on his wall. I am slightly jealous. Ok I am super jealous. In my head I have these scenarios where this is his secret flame there and he hides it from me and he hides me from her,etc. I am feeling awful just looking at the photo. Then again, he wouldn't post it for me to see if there was something between them, right? I am clearly overreacting.

 

So there you have it - a fundamental problem is my jealousy.

And my biggest desire then is to ask him who she is and how they met and why his arm is around her, and does he ever meet her alone or only in group settings, and has he told her that he has a girlfriend, and all that.

but of course I can not ask these questions, because that would be me 'nagging'. That's what makes me feel miserable. I have a vivid imagination.

 

 

Another fundamental problem is that he is incredibly bad at talking. And with talking I mean, talking about feelings. When I tell him how I feel he has a short attention span, only listens and barely responds, and then needs some space for a few hours (by now, used to be days), and then pretends like this conversation never happened. He is super avoidant of confrontation!

When I met his parents, I saw he was the same with his mother, and I think it has to do with his mother (being an impossible woman, may I say!) nagging him a lot about stuff….

 

I don't know… These are the two fundamental problems, I think.

 

He's getting better at the talk, in the way that he doesn't just disappear when I want to talk, or that he acknowledges at least that "he understands me, but it's difficult for him to have these conversations and to react vocally".

 

I am getting better at the jealousy thing in the way that I don't confront him about everything thats going on in my head. At the same time, it's driving me insane that I play these little movies in my head and I wish I could notify him that I am having a stupid jealousy trip and he could calm me down, but it doesn't work like that, unfortunately.

[justwhoiam]

1) Didn't he put his status on FB as "in a relationship"??

2) Asking simple questions doesn't equal nagging. If anything, he might think you're giving him the third degree...

3) How would he be hiding anything, if you can see stuff on FB?

4) Was he drunk when they took that pic of him?

[lamaga]

1) Didn't he put his status on FB as "in a relationship"??

2) Asking simple questions doesn't equal nagging. If anything, he might think you're giving him the third degree...

3) How would he be hiding anything, if you can see stuff on FB?

4) Was he drunk when they took that pic of him?

 

1) he did, and then he took it off again. really weird. he did that twice already. i am sort of over it though, he wants it to be private, hell, as he wishes. perhaps he'll come around.

2) what does that mean? what would be a simple question in this case?

3) He's hiding his friendlist, I can only see mutual friends, since a week now (after I 'nagged' that he is adding all these girls since he got to Asia).

4) No, it was during day on a bicycle trip. The two are standing on a bridge, he has his arm around her. Doesn't look suspicious, but I do wonder who she is, since he never mentioned her…

[mickleb]

You know that jealousy plus poor communication skills plus long distance usually equals disaster, don't you? Feel free to give it a whirl but remember this. The very fact that you have a lot going against you could actually help you with your jealousy.

 

You panic because you think you're losing him. With so many obstacles to negotiate, that's likely to happen anyway. If you remember this, it might actually help you to get a grip.

 

You need to put this relationship into perspective. You're both young, it's full of drama and you've been forced to make it long distance. You'd be very lucky indeed if it survived. Stop taking it so seriously. It should be fun. If you're not enjoying it, get out of it. If you can't trust him, for whatever reason, give up trying.

 

Tell him it's tiring you out. Tell him you can't handle the cosy photos of him with random girls and the secret friends list. You've tried but you're not there with him yet. Accept he has difficulty discussing emotional issues and then see what you're left with.

 

Do you still want to bother? If so, great. Enjoy what he offers. If not, get on with your life. Maybe you'll see him when he's back. If it's meant to be, you'll pick it up. But for now, accept reality. It ain't perfect. Is it still worth it?