tray Posted September 16, 2014 Posted September 16, 2014 Hi, So thursday, my girlfriend of three years dumped me over the phone. She just got started at a very nice school far away. We've been long distance since the beginning. But now she's busier. She says it's better for us, and that we will grow as people. My friends told me she said she felt like things had run their course and that she wanted to go out and grow as a person. Said she needed to be alone. I wish she needed me the way I need her. She won't talk to me. I sent her a message to tell her I missed her so much. She wrote back "I'm sorry". I wish she missed me so much too. Not too long ago we discussed an open relationship because I was her first relationship and she wanted to have more partners. She wanted to go out and see more people I guess. I broke up with her once before our first year together, but we got back together not too long after. But she says she loves me, just now like how I love her anymore. She won't talk to me. She won't send me anything. But when she last visited she said she wanted to stay with me. She said that she loved me. It hurts so bad, man. Like, a deep down kind of hurt I just wasn't ready for. it sucks too because she was the best friend I've ever had. I value our friendship so much and I really don't want to lose it. She means too much to me to let that happen. I want my friend back. She said she would always be there for me, but I need her now more than ever and shes gone. This is stupid. Do you guys have any advice for me? It just feels right now like things won't get better.
whichwayisup Posted September 16, 2014 Posted September 16, 2014 Sorry you're hurting. This really does seem like a case of, you were her first boyfriend and she now wants to be free to live life and not be committed, attached or obligated to you or anybody else. Your relationship has always been long distance, now it's further away and she's at a new school. It sucks and you're in pain but let her go. She doesn't want to be tied down. The future is unpredictable! I know a couple who were first loves in school. 10 years later, they reconnected and got back together, now they are married and have 2 kids. So it does happen when the timing is better and if the love and chemistry is still there (and if both are still single!). Grieve the loss. Allow yourself time to detach and get her out of your heart. no way can a friendship continue, that's not fair to you. If or when the time comes you feel okay and not so in love and attached to her, maybe then consider a casual friendship..
Author tray Posted September 16, 2014 Author Posted September 16, 2014 Sorry you're hurting. This really does seem like a case of, you were her first boyfriend and she now wants to be free to live life and not be committed, attached or obligated to you or anybody else. Your relationship has always been long distance, now it's further away and she's at a new school. It sucks and you're in pain but let her go. She doesn't want to be tied down. The future is unpredictable! I know a couple who were first loves in school. 10 years later, they reconnected and got back together, now they are married and have 2 kids. So it does happen when the timing is better and if the love and chemistry is still there (and if both are still single!). Grieve the loss. Allow yourself time to detach and get her out of your heart. no way can a friendship continue, that's not fair to you. If or when the time comes you feel okay and not so in love and attached to her, maybe then consider a casual friendship.. Thanks for the advice! It's just so hard to be without her. It kills me picturing her with someone else. I asked if she would ever wanna be with me later. She said no. I hope she just said that to try and make me not get any hope. I'd wait for as long as I need to if she'd wanna be with me later. I feel like she has other people and I have no one.
d0nnivain Posted September 16, 2014 Posted September 16, 2014 For whatever reason she needs to go explore. You have to let her. It may be GIGs but having a name for what she's feeling doesn't make you hurt any less. know the acute pain will pass. meanwhile keep yourself busy & go NC if it hurts too much to see what she's up to. Remember you can't be "just friends" this soon after a BU
bubbaganoosh Posted September 16, 2014 Posted September 16, 2014 Move on. She did. You can wish, pout cry and beg but if she doesn't feel the same way then you have nothing. It will only be harder for you if you don't let go. I know it sucks big time but you will get over this. Keep dwelling on it and all you do is re open the wound.
Chompy Posted September 16, 2014 Posted September 16, 2014 (edited) LDR (long distance relationships) rarely work. Simply, you grow apart and don't grow together. Going to that first special place, pub, restaurant, walking trail etc without them is growing apart. Anyone going long distance relationship needs to be aware that it'll be 99% the end. Edited September 16, 2014 by Chompy autocorrect on phone!
Phenomena Posted September 16, 2014 Posted September 16, 2014 There is nothing you can do. This happens a lot when you're the "first bf" and the girl gets away. They get away and open their eyes realizing that they're "free" now and that their life changed. Then they take another look and see all those guys that are pretty good looking. Then they ask themselves, now that their life is changed, why stick with the old dude who's far away when those guys in front of them could potentially be better than you? It's cold but that's just how it is. She doesn't reply to you because she just doesn't care, she's having fun and she is not going to let you ruin it for her with depressive texts. Learn from this experience and move on.
mightycpa Posted September 16, 2014 Posted September 16, 2014 School started in late August, there are going to be a spike in LDR dumpings through October. It will die down, and then business will be booming here around Christmas. You are just part of the first wave.
born Posted September 16, 2014 Posted September 16, 2014 just go nc and don't look back. My first girlfriend of 1.5 years dumped me last year. She was going to study in England for 3 years. She gave me photos of us and on one of them it was printed when you know he is the one ... yeah right. I even booked tickets on my birthday to get her back but guess what. She didn't give a **** and just continued to play with my emotions.She has slept with atleast 3-4 guys. She also tried to have a ldr with a former ex from london. Yeah that bitch was talking to him while she was with me. I'm telling you save all the pain and go nc now. Delete her from anywhere. Don't worry if she want to communicate with you she will find a way.You are not loosing her. It ended really bad with me and my ex this summer. I took back an expensive gift and told her to go **** herself . I'm sorry but i had enough pain for 10 months pouring my heart out and trying to be perfect in the dumpers eyes for her to give me a second chance. You know what she said when i told her why you want us to be friends? To have the opportunity to fall back to me if anything else doesn't work out? And she said in some way yes.
No Limit Posted September 16, 2014 Posted September 16, 2014 She wants to be alone to 'explore' other guys; perhaps she already has and the guilt feelings bothered her too much. Either way; NC and don't look back.
born Posted September 16, 2014 Posted September 16, 2014 it sucks to be alone and heartbroken especially when the dumper is having the time of their life. But better to have some strength and dignity. Don't beg just nc
Quiet Storm Posted September 16, 2014 Posted September 16, 2014 I know you don't see it like this, but you dodged a bullet. She wasn't as invested in you as you were in her, and even asked to see others. That's not the behavior of someone that loves you romantically. At least she had enough respect to tell you. Some people are cowards, and cheat or do things to passive aggressively get their BF's to break up with them. It's hard, but you will heal in time. My husband and I met very young, and I felt bonded to him. I didn't want to be with other guys. I wasn't curious about being single. I didn't need space. I knew he was the man I wanted to spend my life with, and I wanted to be with him as much as possible. I'm pointing this out to show that the emotional investment needed for your relationship to thrive was just not there. She's not wrong for being curious about others and needing space. It just means she needs to be single. She is not ready for a committed relationship, and she realizes that.I know it's heartbreaking for you, but it's good that she was honest because it saves you from becoming even more emotionally invested in her. Don't take it personally, thinking that it was caused by something you did or didn't do, or there was something that you could've done differently. You did nothing wrong, and neither did she. There is no blame, just the simple fact that you two are not compatible. She wants different things than you, and you have to accept that and respect her decision. The intensity of your feelings will die, but you have to starve the feelings. Right now you are thinking, analyzing, ruminating...and all of that just feeds your emotions. It becomes overwhelming and will emotionally drain you. You starve the feelings by keeping yourself busy, surrounding yourself with positive people, doing activities that you love, distracting yourself with entertainment (funny movies are awesome when you are sad. My favorite is Ace Ventura. You can't help but smile when you see Jim Carrey throwing a football while wearing a tutu in a mental institution). It will hurt for awhile and you will miss her, but you will be OK.
Author tray Posted September 18, 2014 Author Posted September 18, 2014 thank you so much for all the advice, guys. Im working on getting over things. Slowly, but steadily
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