enchanted771 Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 Just started dating this guy casually. I learned from the last guy I dated And letting him do all the work until I get to know him better. As in pursuing, contacting, etc. He asked me out sat again for this week & I told him when I was free. Then he text me this morning....we were chatting about this week and he asked me what other nights I'm free because he may have to work the night we planned on. I said Tuesday because I'm leaving Friday, then asked if he's working tonight. So that confirmed I have 3 days I'm free. Tried to play it off saying I didn't make any other plans for this week so that's why I'm so free but damage is done. I know guys lose interest if a girl is too available they will get bored or think they call the shots. So next time how would you suggest I handle the situation better?
mightycpa Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 So next time how would you suggest I handle the situation better? Next time, suggest one night this week, or offer the following week.
Author enchanted771 Posted September 15, 2014 Author Posted September 15, 2014 Yeah I wasn't thinking & then it was too late.
Fondue Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 All you're doing is trying to play games. Trying to look unavailable? "Letting him do all the work?" Come on, now. If you're playing games, then you're not trying to get a boyfriend. Or at least, you're not serious about it. Game playing is for game players. If you're serious about finding a relationship, cut that **** out. Just as a hypothetical, if I was trying to court a new girl... One that I fancied quite a bit, and soon after found out she was trying to play by certain "rules," I'd let her go. I wouldn't put up with that crap. It shows me that she wasn't interested in the same way I am. And I can't have that. 3
oberkeat Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 I know guys lose interest if a girl is too available they will get bored or think they call the shots. As a guy, I don't think this is true. I don't give any thought to whether the girl seems "too available". If a girl says she wants to hang out with me, and I like her, I'll want to hang out with her. 2
BluEyeL Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 If a guy really likes you there is little that you can do wrong. I don't think you did any "damage" tbh. Those "rules" are just for women who insist on spending every day with a new guy and end up suffocating him, or let him booty call her last minute etc. If you want to pull back a little just for you to feel more confident, next time suggest just one or two nights.
Author enchanted771 Posted September 15, 2014 Author Posted September 15, 2014 All you're doing is trying to play games. Trying to look unavailable? "Letting him do all the work?" Come on, now. If you're playing games, then you're not trying to get a boyfriend. Or at least, you're not serious about it. Game playing is for game players. If you're serious about finding a relationship, cut that **** out. Just as a hypothetical, if I was trying to court a new girl... One that I fancied quite a bit, and soon after found out she was trying to play by certain "rules," I'd let her go. I wouldn't put up with that crap. It shows me that she wasn't interested in the same way I am. And I can't have that. well I'm asking because I like him & he seems interested as well but don't want him to get bored. I don't like playing games abd it has never been my style but just seems When I'm a straight shooter and say well I don't have plans this week so you tell me, that he will get bored & start mistreating you because He thinks you don't have a life.
Author enchanted771 Posted September 15, 2014 Author Posted September 15, 2014 If a guy really likes you there is little that you can do wrong. I don't think you did any "damage" tbh. Those "rules" are just for women who insist on spending every day with a new guy and end up suffocating him, or let him booty call her last minute etc. If you want to pull back a little just for you to feel more confident, next time suggest just one or two nights. Thanks! It was 2 nights I suggested but then turned into 3... 1
mightycpa Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 because He thinks you don't have a life. If you have nothing to do any nights, it can be argued that you don't have a life. Why not find some activities you like to do, and do them? That way you won't have to feel like you're playing games or acting. 2
Author enchanted771 Posted September 15, 2014 Author Posted September 15, 2014 Honestly, I usually do but since I'm going away I didn't make any plans this week so I can take care of other things Before I go.
Jules Dash Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 As a guy, I don't think this is true. I don't give any thought to whether the girl seems "too available". If a girl says she wants to hang out with me, and I like her, I'll want to hang out with her. Completely agree. I have never be turned off by a woman being "too available" and neither have I heard of another man who has complained of such a thing. If you are always available for me, that is actually a good thing for me. 2
d0nnivain Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 Don't worry about how available you look. This week you kept open because you are going away. Clearly you won't be available while you are away. If you are free great. Just don't cancel plans to accept a date. This is being too available. 1
mightycpa Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 Honestly, I usually do but since I'm going away I didn't make any plans this week so I can take care of other things Before I go. Then how is it that you were available, if you had other things to take care of and you cancelled your usual things to do so that you could take care of things? That doesn't make any sense to me.
Author enchanted771 Posted September 15, 2014 Author Posted September 15, 2014 Completely agree. I have never be turned off by a woman being "too available" and neither have I heard of another man who has complained of such a thing. If you are always available for me, that is actually a good thing for me.thanks! I honestly panicked because I thought I made myself look bad
Strength in Healing Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 Lol @ all the "dating rules". Seriously. Anyone who loses interests because of a "mistake" like that is incredibly useless. And then some. As are the people who play mind games.
Author enchanted771 Posted September 15, 2014 Author Posted September 15, 2014 Then how is it that you were available, if you had other things to take care of and you cancelled your usual things to do so that you could take care of things? That doesn't make any sense to me.meaning I am going home anyways, not out. But if he asks to hang out then I would much rather do that and I'll get to the other stuff. It's not like were hanging out everyday just one day this week.
Author enchanted771 Posted September 15, 2014 Author Posted September 15, 2014 Don't worry about how available you look. This week you kept open because you are going away. Clearly you won't be available while you are away. If you are free great. Just don't cancel plans to accept a date. This is being too available.nope I sure didn't. I have plans one day next week so will have to work around that if he wants to see me next week.
Strength in Healing Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 Anyone who engages in manipulation/mind games/lies/omissions to keep someones interest is worthless, and the relationship won't have a leg to stand on. It'll be handicapped, and wobbling around in deep water til it drowns (hopefully sooner than later). Dating rules are perpetuated by fools who are damaged and/or ignorant. Gotta put an end to all that stuff. You have to be honest, and you have to be you.
Author enchanted771 Posted September 15, 2014 Author Posted September 15, 2014 Yes well I always like to be honest & real. I just don't want to be disrespected or mistreated.
mightycpa Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 I think you're concerns are overblown then. If this week is a one-off, then who cares what he thinks this week. That impression will be corrected very soon, right? So don't worry that stuff.
Author enchanted771 Posted September 15, 2014 Author Posted September 15, 2014 I'll correct it next week. I just worry because then he will get back to me whenever he sees fit. However, if I don't hear from him at the end of the day on the days specified then I'll assume it's a no go and go about my business.
WhatIsLove2014 Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 Yea I think the "dating rules" are bull...I've definitely told the guy I was dating that I had absolutely no plans for the weeks and he has done the same. It seems kind of childish to stop talking to someone because they are too available. If a guy stops talking to you because of that, then they aren't the right one for you anyways.
Author enchanted771 Posted September 15, 2014 Author Posted September 15, 2014 Yea I think the "dating rules" are bull...I've definitely told the guy I was dating that I had absolutely no plans for the weeks and he has done the same. It seems kind of childish to stop talking to someone because they are too available. If a guy stops talking to you because of that, then they aren't the right one for you anyways.ok thanks...it's nice to know!! I was honest with him told him I'm free tomorrow or Thursday as I'm leaving Friday. Then, I asked if he's busy tonight (well I figured tonight was a no go anyways as it was pretty last min) so he then asked me tonight tomorrow or Thursday? I said yes, let me know. Now I'm leaving it alone. I'll touch bases later on Thursday but otherwise he will have to wait until next week to see me.
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