SomeDude16 Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 Ok, so basically I started dating this chick. Met her about a week and a half ago and we hit it off. We ended up hanging out all week long a couple hours each day for a few days. She would invite me over to just talk and cuddle/ spoon a few times and then we would chill and do homework together, even went on three dinner dates. She would talk about how she wanted to make out all the time when we text and I followed through. Then the weekend comes around and she starts to shy away from hanging out but constantly text each other. The last three days, she has been taking hours anywhere from 1-6 to respond to my texts and isn't really making the same effort, but does always respond back. I get the feeling we may have taken things way too fast, and she is trying to distance herself or lost interest and is not being direct about it. After I asked her if she wanted to hang out, and she said no, I told her that I feel as if we took things too fast and need to slow it down some. Was this the right thing to say in the situation? I was not intending to sound manipulative but when she shied away from hanging out I figured either she lost interest or feels the way I do. It seems like she was hot then got cold? Any advise from you love gurus is appreciated. -Jab116
mightycpa Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 How does that work, anyway? I'm from the generation that asked girls if they wanted to actually DO SOMETHING, even if it was to come over and watch TV, and you had to know somebody pretty well to offer THAT great evening. So, what do you text? Hey, wanna come hang out tonight? I'm not doing anything, I might as well do you Like that? No offense, but it doesn't sound like an appealing offer. Also, I guess the other thing is, and again, I might be a little too old to understand, but all this constant texting before you get to know each other... what's left when you actually meet? You've already probably exposed the most vapid parts of yourself to each other, so, don't you get some false sense of already knowing the person? It just seems like the wrong move. Less availability earlier is better, not more. Those are my two cents. 2
Fondue Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 Things that start out like a blazing fire typically burn out pretty quickly. Too much, too son. That's the killer. You guys got ahead of yourselves, now got scared, and boom... Distance. Next time, let these things build over time. Slowly. Don't text a billion things a day. Don't be crazy with spending every moment together. Let it just built naturally. You'll find that things work out a lot better.
Assasda Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 I personally dont think its the right way to go, by telling her that. The thing about this situation is, I think the girl doesnt trust you, and you need to gane her trust, youre not going to do it with words. And if she doesnt want to hang out with you, you could just tell her to call you when she wants to go out and have some fun. Next time when you hang out with her, dont be all over her, Youve got to wait till she's ready 1
Jules Dash Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 I told her that I feel as if we took things too fast and need to slow it down some. Never say this to someone you want to continue to date. Not many things kills romance quicker than that statement. Might as well tell her you have a STD. The situation had common symptoms of moving too fast. I don't think it is always a bad idea to move fast but when you do, you have to be prepared to accept the very common consequence of crashing and burning. If you find you are crashing and burning in a relationship that is moving too fast, try to back off a bit but the trick is is to try to be in sync with your partner. It's a delicate thing.
azureorb Posted September 16, 2014 Posted September 16, 2014 I think you're on the right track about your assessment, but you asking if she'd like to hang out and she said No... well, at that point, given all the clues, it shouldn't have been a shocker, right? When you hit it off really well and hang out a few hours each day for a week right off the bat, the problem is, is it squeezes ya in. Great at first, but when you do have a date opportunity lined up some weekend, and go out on it -- it can feel refreshing. She was keeping in touch with you because she'd feel guilty, but also kinda stupid to just ditch a guy who she hit it off with. Made no logical sense to suddenly not reply, etc. But also -- her feelings went toward someone else.... which could have been an EX because He suddenly realized she was happily never writing him and he tugged her back. Who knows. Lesson learned is to make attention & time spent together feel "earned". Not something "I could do at any point" with someone Before deeper feelings have crept in. You two just had great Surface feelings fleeting about. Next time, "be busy" enough to avoid day-in-day-out... and if you are to see the next girl a lot so soon, don't text all the time either. Girls want a Catch. They don't want a fish that jumps in the boat. It's sweet at first, because it just "happens". But unless you're solidly Out of Her League -- there's no feeling of reward or accomplishment about it... so any other guy in her dating arena where he is to be 'caught' will well up more satisfactory emotions & fulfilment.
Author SomeDude16 Posted September 16, 2014 Author Posted September 16, 2014 This was some solid advise, thanks bros. I'll try and limit myself, kinda hard but it's all a learning experience. Anyway, I got her to meet me and talk things through and she said, Lol She friend-zoned me and said "I feel like were on different pages" whatever the hell that means.. Lesson learned, changes will occur.
Assasda Posted September 16, 2014 Posted September 16, 2014 This was some solid advise, thanks bros. I'll try and limit myself, kinda hard but it's all a learning experience. Anyway, I got her to meet me and talk things through and she said, Lol She friend-zoned me and said "I feel like were on different pages" whatever the hell that means.. Lesson learned, changes will occur. It means, whatever crap you said to her before, she wants the opposite of that, its not that hard. Told you not to have that emotional needy talk
Author SomeDude16 Posted September 16, 2014 Author Posted September 16, 2014 I wouldn't say the talk was, "needy". Rather id say it was pretty necessary, either she was still interested or not. I'm not going to waste my time chasing after a girl I just met. She has my number, she knows where I live, if she wants to rekindle something, she's going to need to be the one to take the initiative. But you're entitled to your opinion.
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