One thing that worked for me

[Chompy]

A lot of these posts are about the breakup, and more or less it seems that people want to personally be told what to do. Or (like I) don't have much support and trying to get it somewhere, because writing and reading things on here sure beat thinking about her every second of the day.

 

 

So I thought I've give one tip that helped me get through it last time it happened. As for the situation, it was my second serious relationship, I was 32 and living/working in the middle of nowhere overseas, about 8 hr timezone wise from family. Had a few friends there, and only one buddy that was somewhat close to. I didn't eat for about 3 weeks, and didn't even touch booze either (which for me is unbelievable).

 

 

I kept a journal. Now to be frank, I'm definitely not the journal type of guy. It's the first one I've ever done (for more than 2 days anyway). Being a typical male, it's probably the last thing anyone would think I would do.

 

 

In it, I wrote everything. (by hand as internet sucked there) I wrote crap about her, about me, about what "that" was in Meatloaf's song... God that song is great during a BU. btw, anyone notice how many songs are about love and breakups?? I never really noticed until today at work sitting at my desk listening to the same playlist I've have for the last year. Funny those songs never brought me to tears before.

 

 

Anyway, it helped. I didn't read much of it, just wrote.

 

 

Eventually I got to the point where I was able to throw it out, and that's when I realised I was much better. I felt better about myself, about her and about life.

 

 

Intellectually: 1st I think it the process of writing things down that helps. It's much harder to write lies to yourself, then to others. You may write a whole lot of crap to you ex, but how much is absolute truth? Anything you write to yourself is much more likely to be true.

2nd, I think time spend writing about the stupid stuff (refer to Meatloaf above) is time not spend thing about them.

3rd, It give close when you can throw it away. All that hurt, all that anger, depression, embarrassment, etc.

 

 

Now me being the absolute genius I am with women (yes I'm joking) think girls already do this sort of thing and have secret journals/dairies everywhere. But if you don't, give it a go. If you a warm blooded, heterosexual man like myself, give it a go. Crying yourself to exhaustion so you can sleep at night or starving yourself ragged is just as manly. (yes I know you do it) And face it, we want to be away from everyone and everything, and it what else you going to do curled up in bed at 7PM?

 

 

let me know if you've done the same and it helped, or didn't.

Edited September 15, 2014 by Chompy
spelling (yes I suck at spelling)

[tim_tom]

. btw, anyone notice how many songs are about love and breakups?? I never really noticed until today at work sitting at my desk listening to the same playlist I've have for the last year. Funny those songs never brought me to tears before.

 

Yeah, same. I am 39 and never noticed till the last 5 weeks. It's unbelievable, seems every single song is about this ****.. I can't stand it .. lol

[mightycpa]

let me know if you've done the same and it helped, or didn't.

 

I did that, back in college. I must have written about 1000 letters over three years, and I never sent any of them.

 

My letters started out as declarations of undying love, and plaintive pleas to know "WHY". They evolved into an examination of "us", of me, of her, of the breakup, lists of pros and cons, you name it, I wrote it.

 

Unlike you, I kept those letters. I had occasion to re-read them a few years later, and they were very embarrassing. But one thing I noticed was the evolution. Each letter was very much like the last one, except a few words might change, or an idea was refined, or a new insight would pop up. What I realized when re-reading them was that I was following my thinking process over the course of those letters. Every day, I felt a little differently, and that's why the letters were never quite right, why I had to change them day after day.

 

It was a fascinating insight. I stopped writing once I had nothing more to say.