Alphadude Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 There's a girl I met recently through a seminar at work and we have occasionally emailed / FB about work and personal stuff. I asked her out for dinner and drinks a few times to chat a bit more in person. Out of curiosity, I asked if she has a boyfriend which she said she doesn't, and I wanted to know what kind of guys she's attracted to or doesn't like etc. After our last meet up, she texted me saying she wants to hang out more with me and join me in my horse-riding class. I'm wondering if I gave her the impression that I was interested I'm her? I usually hang out with female friends and they all know it's of a platonic nature. Anyway, I told her she could join me but I was going away for a few weeks. She also mentioned she was going away on a business trip till early Sept. There was no contact after but 1 month later (late August) she texted me again asking when I'm going for horse-riding and I didn't reply that message. Another 3 weeks went by with no contact and she suddenly texted me yesterday saying she's back and asked when we can go horse-riding. Clingy much? Or did I cause her confusion just because I was friendly? 1
bubbaganoosh Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 You Opened the door for her and she responded by showing interest in you and now you want to back out. Next time you want to go out to dinner, go with a buddy of yours rather than wasting her time. And if this is the way you conduct yourself around women, be prepared for a lonely life. 3
Author Alphadude Posted September 15, 2014 Author Posted September 15, 2014 Well we have always split bills, so it's pretty clear those dinners and drinks weren't dates... Surely platonic friends can do drinks and dinner without them having a romantic "feel"?
Gloria25 Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 Well we have always split bills, so it's pretty clear those dinners and drinks weren't dates... Surely platonic friends can do drinks and dinner without them having a romantic "feel"? Sorry, but now a days even women on romantic dates feel that they have to pay half - so, like the other said, through the questioning you made to her, you implied that you were interested. 1
Assasda Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 She's not clingly, She maybe unexperienced but not clingly. She should realize that guys that ask her if she has a boyfriend, and what kinda guys she likes are pretty much insecure idiots. She was confused
aussietigerwolf Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 seems like you were confused when you thought she was some kind of social experiment instead of a person... 2
Author Alphadude Posted September 15, 2014 Author Posted September 15, 2014 How then am I supposed to make friends with the opposite gender if going for drinks / breakfast / dinner / coffee means it's a date (or even hanging out anywhere one-on-one)? We have gone out for drinks once but it turns out she's allergic to alcohol, we can't do lunch since we don't work together, so the only chance to meet up is either dinner or breakfast on weekends. When I asked those boyfriend questions, I told her I'm curious because we are friends and we ought to know friends better. Surely that's clear enough it's a platonic outing?
Jet8419 Posted September 16, 2014 Posted September 16, 2014 So it's guys like you that cause all these confused girls to post their troubles in this forum, most commonly asked question being "why did he stop replying my text? / why did he disappear suddenly after a great date?" etc...
azureorb Posted September 16, 2014 Posted September 16, 2014 (edited) No, that's not clingy to text you every couple/few weeks when you guys hung out and they weren't "Dates". Would you feel it's clingy if a guy you talked shop with at a seminar and hung out with a bit did that when you both were busy people? No. Question is: Do you like her? I think there was a setting of Potential beyond-platonic situation being had there. If you like her, say "Hey, sorry I've been a little MIA in responding since we've both been in and out of town, busy, etc. Yeah, we could get a horse-riding thing set up... how have you been?" (...a bit of convo...) Set up the meetup. During the meet-up set something up, flirt, and let her know that you think she's really cool and you'd like to be more than friends and to take her out sometime. If you AREN'T into her -- why post this question up? Just ignore her, or, if you want to BE just-friends, just let her know that yeah that'd be cool -- and have her hang out with you AND your friends. And if she seems flirty, talk about other girls you like. Quite simple. When I asked those boyfriend questions, I told her I'm curious because we are friends and we ought to know friends better. Surely that's clear enough it's a platonic outing? No, that's not quite clear. It avoids you chasing her, following up the classic thing a guy asks a girl he likes, with "ought to know friends better". Or may sound like an excuse. Why go out of your way with 1-on-1 NEW PLATONIC female friendships? You say you have platonic female friends.... great. Make them group/social friends, where hanging out 1-on-1 will be to kick things off -- but not aiming to be 1-on-1. Wanting to hang out 1-on-1 between two opp-sex who declare they're single means non-platonic intentions is an assumed potential. "Friends First", by the way, is a silly childish role-playing game -- never do that. Edited September 16, 2014 by azureorb
sid3 Posted September 16, 2014 Posted September 16, 2014 "Clingy much" says a lot about your character, work on it. If I had a six year degree and a couple of diplomas hanging on a wall I'd say you were insecure, seeking validation and suffering from a borderline superiority complex, it'll have to suffice to say, don't go through life acting like an ahole 1
bubbaganoosh Posted September 16, 2014 Posted September 16, 2014 Sorry, but now a days even women on romantic dates feel that they have to pay half - so, like the other said, through the questioning you made to her, you implied that you were interested. Best thing I heard was a girl telling me about how her boyfriend wanted to always split the check and go half way. She got mad and told him that someday when he takes a woman to bed and she tells him that he could only go "halfway" with her maybe he'll understand that if you ask her out then you pay for the night out or don't go.
azureorb Posted September 16, 2014 Posted September 16, 2014 She got mad and told him that someday when he takes a woman to bed and she tells him that he could only go "halfway" with her maybe he'll understand that if you ask her out then you pay for the night out or don't go. I'd be like "Great. That means we're 69ing. Or you're on top for half, and I'm on top for half for all the work. Sounds good to me!"
Mrin Posted September 16, 2014 Posted September 16, 2014 How then am I supposed to make friends with the opposite gender if going for drinks / breakfast / dinner / coffee means it's a date (or even hanging out anywhere one-on-one)? We have gone out for drinks once but it turns out she's allergic to alcohol, we can't do lunch since we don't work together, so the only chance to meet up is either dinner or breakfast on weekends. When I asked those boyfriend questions, I told her I'm curious because we are friends and we ought to know friends better. Surely that's clear enough it's a platonic outing? Easy. If you didn't want to lead her on (which I am pretty sure you did want to) you would have done this: "So do you have a boyfriend or are you seeing anyone? I have a friend who might be perfect for you. He a good guy and a good friend. What sort of dudes do you like?" Done. Mic drop
mightycpa Posted September 16, 2014 Posted September 16, 2014 Maybe all she really wants is to ride the horse and not you. Maybe she loves to ride horses, and you are a way in. Give her a chance. You might just make an equestrian pal.
Author Alphadude Posted September 16, 2014 Author Posted September 16, 2014 Well she's only done horse riding once ages ago. She basically said we should hang out more to know each other better, that's when I realised I might have given her the wrong impression, or she could also mean hanging out as friends.
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