RTD Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 I am a first time user so I hope I am in the right spot. For the last couple years she started pulling away, although we still had a lot of good times. She said my maturity level was not what should be. I have a college degree, but the job search could be going better. She also thinks I am doing everything for her and not to better myself. Which is true. When I heal from this she would like to remain friends which would be nice. But the part that is tearing me apart is a couple weeks before we broke she already found another guy. How do you possibly deal with this? It's inhuman. Any and all advice would be gladly accepted.
Natsu21 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 To sum it up: 1. She doesn't find you attractive anymore. 2. Let's be friends=get out of my life. 3. She had your replacement in the wings waiting(i.e. she probably cheated on you.) Go NC and move on. It's really that simple if you actually listen. 4
David87 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Theres no other way.......start NC ! Sorry
Purepony Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 To sum it up: 1. She doesn't find you attractive anymore. 2. Let's be friends=get out of my life. 3. She had your replacement in the wings waiting(i.e. she probably cheated on you.) Go NC and move on. It's really that simple if you actually listen. On the money! This is all true!
Author RTD Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 Tough advice. I get what you mean, we still communicate and I know she would like to have a friendship. She is just not the vindictive type. I'm not obsessing, just trying to have a little hope.
scobro Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 she had this guy waiting around do not be friends you are not going to like it she has moved on and now so should you.1st step is NC and do not break it for any reason.If you are on fire and she has a bucket of water near you do not text her:p 3
Purepony Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 It means no communication! Disappear and ignore her attempt until you heal. .. maybe someday you can be friends but not now..
scobro Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Neck Cut.....slice her throat and move on:p Its No Contact do not contact her for any reason its how you will heal and get over this.Its tough to take but in time with NC it gets better.I made the mistake of thinking I was over my ex and emailed her a happy birthday and her reply was hurtful and put me back weeks.....so do not contact her at all its for your own good really.If she wants to reach out she will if she doesn't she won't. 5
Author RTD Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 That is actually some great advice. Thanks.
Author RTD Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 Not the neck cut part though:laugh: 1
lolablue17 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 .If she wants to reach out she will if she doesn't she won't. I think he should maintain NC even if she tries to reach out. She may want him as a friend while she's in a relationship with another guy. She will know how to tempt him, to let him feel he has a chance. Stay NC no matter what. 2
Natsu21 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Tough advice. I get what you mean, we still communicate and I know she would like to have a friendship. She is just not the vindictive type. I'm not obsessing, just trying to have a little hope. Actually, no she wouldn't. Frankly, she would rather you gone. Let me tell you something about the majority of women. If they wanted friends, they have their girlfriends and the millions of friendzoned guys. she isn't going to miss you. Trust me. 3
Zoe Lilith Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 I might be wrong, but I don't think she wants to be friends! She just needs a familiar person in case her relationship doesn't work out..you'll be there to "catch her", so that she can break your heart all over again as soon as someone more "mature" comes along. 2
Natsu21 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 I might be wrong, but I don't think she wants to be friends! She just needs a familiar person in case her relationship doesn't work out..you'll be there to "catch her", so that she can break your heart all over again as soon as someone more "mature" comes along. Mature? I think you misspelled "attractive" 1
Zoe Lilith Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Mature? I think you misspelled "attractive" Well she had issues with OP's maturity, so I tried to be nice.....
Natsu21 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 I didn't realize cheating on someone counts as mature. Guess I thought of things all wrong! 1
dclan Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 (edited) I am a first time user so I hope I am in the right spot. For the last couple years she started pulling away, although we still had a lot of good times. She said my maturity level was not what should be. I have a college degree, but the job search could be going better. She also thinks I am doing everything for her and not to better myself. Which is true. When I heal from this she would like to remain friends which would be nice. But the part that is tearing me apart is a couple weeks before we broke she already found another guy. How do you possibly deal with this? It's inhuman. Any and all advice would be gladly accepted. Typical situation. You shouldn't feel bad about it. And it is not inhumane, its just "the womans way". I've seen this situation in a lot of my male/female friends. Guys being dumped for not being responsible/mature/having the right job, or girls dumping guys for them not being good enough regarding the same things. And the thing about her dating someone new right away, happened in 100% of the cases I just told you about. Why is this? because its not that they want to stop being in a relationship, they just don't think that (at least at this point in their life) you are good enough for them. Maybe they want someone more responsible, or mature, or whatever. I ve seen this in 2 female friends, and 3 guy friends. All those relationships ended because of not having a proper job, being lazy, inmmature, or something along those lines. The 5 women involved dated someone right away. Needless to say most of those relationshipos utterly failed after a few months (only 1 lasted longer than 2 years). Its because the woman feels she is wasting her time with you, she doesn't see a proper future, or at least a future resembling what she wants. So as soon as she is out (or maybe even before that), she goes out looking for a "responsible partner". Someone who will probably have a good job, financial stability, plans, etc. Basicly someone, who doesn't have money problems I know this isn't much of a help or solution to your problem, but just like most people, you are probably confused about whats going on, so this might help explain it to you. PS: Oh! btw...I don't want you to get your hopes up about her relationship failing. In the cases I mentioned, they failed cause they started for all the wrong reasons (they were looking for someone with money, not someone they actually liked), and those relationships eventually collapsed into the ground. But that doesn't mean your ex's relationship will fail. The best thing you can do, is cut off all contact, and try to move on.!!! Edited September 14, 2014 by dclan
Natsu21 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Typical situation. You shouldn't feel bad about it. And it is not inhumane, its just "the womans way". I've seen this situation in a lot of my male/female friends. Guys being dumped for not being responsible/mature/having the right job, or girls dumping guys for them not being good enough regarding the same things. And the thing about her dating someone new right away, happened in 100% of the cases I just told you about. Why is this? because its not that they want to stop being in a relationship, they just don't think that (at least at this point in their life) you are good enough for them. Maybe they want someone more responsible, or mature, or whatever. I ve seen this in 2 female friends, and 3 guy friends. All those relationships ended because of not having a proper job, being lazy, inmmature, or something along those lines. The 5 women involved dated someone right away. Needless to say most of those relationshipos utterly failed after a few months (only 1 lasted longer than 2 years). Its because the woman feels she is wasting her time with you, she doesn't see a proper future, or at least a future resembling what she wants. So as soon as she is out (or maybe even before that), she goes out looking for a "responsible partner". Someone who will probably have a good job, financial stability, plans, etc. Basicly someone, who doesn't have money problems I know this isn't much of a help or solution to your problem, but just like most people, you are probably confused about whats going on, so this might help explain it to you. PS: Oh! btw...I don't want you to get your hopes up about her relationship failing. In the cases I mentioned, they failed cause they started for all the wrong reasons (they were looking for someone with money, not someone they actually liked), and those relationships eventually collapsed into the ground. But that doesn't mean your ex's relationship will fail. The best thing you can do, is cut off all contact, and try to move on.!!! Let me sum up what this person said in layman's terms. She thought she could do better than you, so she dumped you for someone she viewed as better. Happened to me too. But said girl got dumped...didn't work out. But please, don't worry about having a great job, looks, or reputation. You can have all of those things and women will still leave you. It's been proven. Just be a positive person with ambition, set on a goal and a passion for life and for your dreams, and women will be attracted to that. Don't let what you seem to "lack" in the financial or social department get you depressed. Cause trust me, you could be Bill Gates and still have trouble with relationships. Girls in their 20s have trouble figuring out what they want, so they try everything they can. You do the same and try different things. Enjoy life. It's the only one you got. 1
dclan Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 (edited) Let me sum up what this person said in layman's terms. She thought she could do better than you, so she dumped you for someone she viewed as better. Happened to me too. But said girl got dumped...didn't work out. But please, don't worry about having a great job, looks, or reputation. You can have all of those things and women will still leave you. It's been proven. Just be a positive person with ambition, set on a goal and a passion for life and for your dreams, and women will be attracted to that. Don't let what you seem to "lack" in the financial or social department get you depressed. Cause trust me, you could be Bill Gates and still have trouble with relationships. Girls in their 20s have trouble figuring out what they want, so they try everything they can. You do the same and try different things. Enjoy life. It's the only one you got. Or you could let him read what I put instead of putting words in my mouth.:) I've read your posts, usually short and depressing. If you like giving someone advice that way, then go ahead, by all means. But please don't quote me and try to "explain" what I said, if you don't even understand it yourself. Edited September 14, 2014 by dclan 1
Natsu21 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Or you could let him read what I put instead of putting words in my mouth.:) I've read your posts, usually short and depressing. If you like giving someone advice that way, then go ahead, by all means. But please don't quote me and try to "explain" what I said, if you don't even understand it yourself. Depressing? What you posted was depressing. Most women don't care about how much money you're making...and the ones that do aren't really a good romantic match for you anyway. Simply, OP's situation is pretty cut and dry. Just how I see things.
dclan Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 (edited) Depressing? What you posted was depressing. Well just telling him to "forget and move on" (like you did), isn't really much help. People usually end up in this forums, to try to understand why they got dumped, and they get that by reading up about similar experiences. They will only forget and move on, once they accept and understand what the hell happened in their relationship. Most women don't care about how much money you're making...and the ones that do aren't really a good romantic match for you anyway. Simply, OP's situation is pretty cut and dry. Just how I see things. Actually they do. Specially as they get older. Of course a woman in her teens/early 20's will mostly care about an attractive partner, good sex, and stuff like that. And when they usually end the relationship, they do it because of something like that. But as soon women get closer to the 25 year mark, they start to care more and more about the future, marriage, kids, money, etc. And I've seen lots of relationships, good relationships, that ended because of this. Many people have BIG expectations for their future, they want a big house, 3 cars, club membership, going to expensive restaurants every week, etc. And if they think their partner lacks "ambition" they will probably dump him, regardless of how attractive, or how good in bed he is. Of course a woman in her early 20's will not care as much, because she is still in that "girly love" stage, in love with the boyfriend that tells her she is pretty. But the older they get, thay start caring about a lot of other things. Edited September 14, 2014 by dclan
Zoe Lilith Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 I didn't realize cheating on someone counts as mature. Guess I thought of things all wrong! Never mind! That was not what I said, and I'm not in the mood to explain. It's all good
Natsu21 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Well just telling him to "forget and move on" (like you did), isn't really much help. People usually end up in this forums, to try to understand why they got dumped, and they get that by reading up about similar experiences. They will only forget and move on, once they accept and understand what the hell happened in their relationship. Actually they do. Specially as they get older. Of course a woman in her teens/early 20's will mostly care about an attractive partner, good sex, and stuff like that. And when they usually end the relationship, they do it because of something like that. But as soon women get closer to the 25 year mark, they start to care more and more about the future, marriage, kids, money, etc. And I've seen lots of relationships, good relationships, that ended because of this. Many people have BIG expectations for their future, they want a big house, 3 cars, club membership, going to expensive restaurants every week, etc. And if they think their partner lacks "ambition" they will probably dump him, regardless of how attractive, or how good in bed he is. Of course a woman in her early 20's will not care as much, because she is still in that "girly love" stage, in love with the boyfriend that tells her she is pretty. But the older they get, thay start caring about a lot of other things. Are you from South America, by any chance?
dclan Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Are you from South America, by any chance? yes, from Chile why?
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