swazzzz Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Hello everyone, I had joined an online dating website sometime last year but I didn't keep track of it too much. It was a paid service but it was free to have a profile and browse other people's profiles. If I liked anyone, I could "express interest" in them but to have any form of contact with them (email, phone #, online chat) I would have to pay a nominal amount. Anyway, I never did this and remained a free member with only occasional visits to this website. In January, a girl expressed interest in my profile. I went and looked at her profile and I also expressed interest back. But there was no contact because I am not a paid member. So that was it. In June, I check her profile out again and decide to search for her on Facebook. I found her profile and sent her a private message saying that you had expressed interest in me sometime back, if you are still interested please let me know. And then I clicked on "Add Friend". I kept it at that. I did not get any response for a couple of weeks until sometime in the month of July, she accepted my friend request. Which was odd because normally in today's world of smartphones and tablets, you are pretty much connected to Facebook all the time. Didn't know why she accepted the friend request after almost an entire month. Anyway, I messaged her on Facebook after that and had a small conversation. It was more of a q&a session, I would ask her something and she would reply. It never became a full blown conversation and she didn't ask me anything. This went on for a few weeks until one evening when I got really frustrated while talking to her. I told her that we are not having a conversation and since we met through a dating website, let me tell you a bit about myself. So I poured myself out to her, talking about myself, my profile, what I do, my past relationships, what I want from life, my hobbies and traits and what not. I thought if I pour myself out to her, she would get out of her shell and open up. But that didn't help. It was still monosyllables or at the most, a few perfunctory comments about my life. But it remained at that: I would ask a question and she would reply. I have told her about it a few times and that I am looking for a full conversation, even though it is on Facebook chat. It is infuriating when you send a message and wait a few minutes for a reply....there just isn't any flow to the chat. I have indirectly asked for her phone number but she has declined to give it to me. I do not have any contact details about her except for her Facebook profile. I tried the ignore method but it is always her (for the past 2 months) that messages me a "hey". I have tried responding to her after a day or two of her messaging me but the flow has never come. I am interested in this girl. You may think that am wasting my time but the rare times she has said something more than a reply, I have got the feeling that there is a LOT about this woman but she just is not opening up to me. I want to talk to her, have a phone conversation and get to know each other. She is super gorgeous and she speaks my language and we hail from the same city in our country. We have a few things in common and I just want to know her better. What do you all think is the course of action here? How can I get her to open up more and have a phone conversation? We are in 2 different countries right now, I moved to the US last month and she is on the other side of the world. I want to talk to her so that we get to a point of comfort where she agrees to meet me in person when I fly home in Christmas.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Dude, she is clearly not interested. You're in serious denial and refusing to take the hint. Leave her alone before she tells you to bugger off for good. 1
Author swazzzz Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 But why is she the one who is always messaging me? I promise you, I have not initiated any contact with her for the past month. I only reply when she messages, that too I try to keep our chats short to show that am not being too clingy. Does her behaviour make sense to you?
MidwestUSA Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 In the future, do not track someone down on Facebook that you've seen on a dating site; it's stalkerish. I'm surprised she accepted your friend request, and she obviously regrets it. Move on.
smackie9 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 But why is she the one who is always messaging me? I promise you, I have not initiated any contact with her for the past month. I only reply when she messages, that too I try to keep our chats short to show that am not being too clingy. Does her behaviour make sense to you? Some girls just do it because they are bored. Maybe she thought it was funny that you chased her down and is just playing with ya. At any rate, if you haven't got a date out of her yet, it isn't going to happen. Just because YOU have an interest doesn't mean they do, and from the lack of any conversation and phone number, she doesn't want to go out with you. You got duped, now let it go. Next time, use a free dating site, because you are obviously not interested in paying for the service.
Diezel Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 You are wasting your time. There, I said it. If you need a more in depth reason as to the "why"... re-read your original post, but as if Diezel had posted this talking about a girl he met.
Author swazzzz Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 Is it actually possible that she would always initiate contact with me, just to amuse herself? Why can't women be more forthcoming and just tell us what is they want from us? Giving mixed signals like not giving a phone number but still messaging on Facebook at late nights throws me off completely. I would have been more sure of what to do had I not got mixed signals from her. I am going to ignore her from now but can someone think of a way I can arouse her curiosity in order to actually know what goes on in her head when she messages me on Facebook?
Diezel Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 There are no mixed signals. She just messages you when she is bored or wants some attention. If she doesn't give you her number or go out with you, there could be no single clearer signal... 2
melodymatters Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 There are no mixed signals. She just messages you when she is bored or wants some attention. If she doesn't give you her number or go out with you, there could be no single clearer signal... As a woman, ^^^ THIS ! Sorry bud, not a big deal, next...
smackie9 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Is it actually possible that she would always initiate contact with me, just to amuse herself? Why can't women be more forthcoming and just tell us what is they want from us? Giving mixed signals like not giving a phone number but still messaging on Facebook at late nights throws me off completely. I would have been more sure of what to do had I not got mixed signals from her. I am going to ignore her from now but can someone think of a way I can arouse her curiosity in order to actually know what goes on in her head when she messages me on Facebook? Have you not heard the term "attention whore" ?
batgirl Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Just ignore her from now on or, better yet, block her completely. Then, you can't see her and she can't see you, so no more messaging. In the future, keep online dating stuff to the website. Don't find someone on Facebook that you met on OLD. That's super creepy. To each their own, and this girl is obviously bored, but I would have blocked you instantly. It comes off as desperate. 1
Toodaloo Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 Facebook is bo&&ocks. Many people consider it to "not be real". That is why she only ever contacts you on Facebook. Next time don't stalk pay the fee and message as your supposed to. She is keeping you at arms length because a. you have come across as a cheap skate and b. you have gone one step further and stalked her down on Facebook. Delete her. Make your life "real". 1
Author swazzzz Posted September 15, 2014 Author Posted September 15, 2014 So today again she messaged me on Facebook with a 'hi'. I replied after an hour and just said a couple of things. Then I pretty much asked her "are we going to remain talking on facebook always? Are you just talking to me for the heck of or are you actually interested in me?" Pretty much put her on the spot. And that was it. She stopped replying immediately after that. I put a couple of "you there" comments but she did not respond. Been about couple of hours since that. So does this prove that she is confused or does this mean that I have called her out and she doesn't know what to say? So she was an attention whore and wanted me to make her feel special? Just makes no sense that a girl like her, super beautiful would want to indulge me on a long distance chat just for kicks.
mightycpa Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 Unfriend her is the next step. Half the world away? You want to spend your time chasing an uninterested woman half a world away? There are about 3 billion people between you and her, no matter what direction you look in. Surely you can find somebody compatible that is closer; as in A LOT CLOSER.
smackie9 Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 So today again she messaged me on Facebook with a 'hi'. I replied after an hour and just said a couple of things. Then I pretty much asked her "are we going to remain talking on facebook always? Are you just talking to me for the heck of or are you actually interested in me?" Pretty much put her on the spot. And that was it. She stopped replying immediately after that. I put a couple of "you there" comments but she did not respond. Been about couple of hours since that. So does this prove that she is confused or does this mean that I have called her out and she doesn't know what to say? So she was an attention whore and wanted me to make her feel special? Just makes no sense that a girl like her, super beautiful would want to indulge me on a long distance chat just for kicks. Even attractive people can be serial killers......just because she is good looking doesn't make her an angel. Who's to say it's her....could be her one of her friends. Let it go already and stop being sucker for a pretty face.
slizl Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 So today again she messaged me on Facebook with a 'hi'. I replied after an hour and just said a couple of things. Then I pretty much asked her "are we going to remain talking on facebook always? Are you just talking to me for the heck of or are you actually interested in me?" Pretty much put her on the spot. And that was it. She stopped replying immediately after that. I put a couple of "you there" comments but she did not respond. Been about couple of hours since that. So does this prove that she is confused or does this mean that I have called her out and she doesn't know what to say? So she was an attention whore and wanted me to make her feel special? Just makes no sense that a girl like her, super beautiful would want to indulge me on a long distance chat just for kicks. So you completely ignored EVERYONE's advice...Jesus dude, you are a game to her and losing miserably.
MissBee Posted September 16, 2014 Posted September 16, 2014 (edited) She doesn't seem that interested frankly. The only thing you're hanging on to is that she sometimes says "Hey"....but other than that NOTHING else shows she is interested or at best she is an extremely boring individual who cannot carry a conversation...and if so why would you want to date her? My advice is: don't get caught up in the fantasy of what could be. You think she is gorgeous and you're from the same country and speak the same language etc...but none of these things is in reality helping. The reality is, it's been months and she is still very boring, doesn't express much or ask you anything and doesn't want you to have her number. You can't get her to open up or to be a more interesting person. I'd accept that instead of thinking you can somehow coax her into becoming talkative and interested. If she were interested or at least an interesting person you'd have experienced it by now....what you're experiencing is the signs of disinterest or again a very boring girl who cannot communicate well. Either way, why force it? I just saw your update...she is not confused. She isn't interested. Leave it alone. When a woman is into you you don't have to try this hard...trust me. You basically seem to badger this woman all the time and are carrying this entire online correspondence thing but keep holding on to hope that she is "confused" or simply shy or something, when the reality is far simpler...she is not interested. Leave it alone. Edited September 16, 2014 by MissBee 2
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