The "red flag" red flag (LOL!)

[WesternWizard]

I find it pretty funny when a woman says "this is a red flag, that's a red flag..." Seeing too many red flags is itself a red flag, no??? It does tend to make one rather unapproachable.

[preraph]

It's a filter, and a legitimate one. It's the ones who'd be mad at a woman being discriminating and optioning her right to choose that the red flags are useful for barring. It's so deeply embedded that it's largely instinctual. It's a survival tool.

[OwMyEyeball]

I think most women are conscious enough to keep their selection system to themselves (i.e. not broadcast it to dates and partners)

 

Guys can be just as selective, but may use different terminology or not put as much thought towards defining their filtering system.

[writergal]

"red flag" is just a fancy label for "intuition." And pre and Ow are right; its an instinctive survival tool for both genders to use when dating, especially online where anything goes.

[hellon]

"Red flags" are things both genders learn to look for based on past experiences, in other words learning from mistakes and trying to not repeat them. So the more experiences someone has, the more things are going to look like "red flags" to them.

 

But I also think that looking for "red flags" and intuition/instinct are separate things. A lot of people have these checklists of "red flags" that makes them automatically discount someone, even before they have any kind of gut feeling either way.

[WesternWizard]

Well, some of us men have prefs, even though it's against the rules (men who just want to do the pump-&-dump don't have prefs)... but as for me, I make efforts to avoid getting myself into situations where I'd deal with women I probably wouldn't get along with.

 

And face it... some of the women who see red flags everywhere are just incapable of love.

[preraph]

^ That's just not true at all! Women who see a lot of red flags are simply going to not fall for someone who is exhibiting questionable behavior, and that's a smart thing. Women who see red flags have learned what to look for through instincts as well as experience, and you can't assume it's always their own experience. In my case, I learned a lot from watching my parents and then from watching my friends who chose crap husbands. Myself, I never got into any major danger of being hooked up with a real jerk. I never let those guys in, but that doesn't mean I did without men! I just wasn't putting up with crap or wanting a man bad enough to take on a seriously flawed one.

[Priv]

I think there is a huge difference between looking for red flags and noticing red flags. IMO the first ones are red flagged

[WesternWizard]

Well, apparently there can't be any flag redder than a man who's looking to love and be loved in return.

 

At that point I more or less throw up my hands and assume there's some secret second language everyone understands but me.