SELdeMER Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 This is a bit of a long story I have been interacting with a man on an online forum (not this one) for over a year. We have never met, and started talking after he initiated private messages with me after I complimented him in a post--he is very attractive and also based on his posts seemed like a really good guy. I never expected him to want to chat with me. Our communications via PM's were weird, I would try to keep the convo going (asking questions etc.) because I found him interesting, yet he would usually write back several days late and with minimal/superficial answers...so I just figured he didn't really want to chat, so I let it go. But he kept on PM-ing me at random, and the same thing would happen...But he was mildly flirty with me, and wondering about whether or not we should try to meet up IRL. I live down South and he lives in the Mid-West and it would require taking a flight to see one another. He was getting over a breakup--and I didn't think he was dating material at the time. He has indicated that he has no problem with the distance and "may" visit me in the future. Then he asked for my phone number. We chatted once on the phone. It was good, he is fun and I could probably talk to him for hours, he felt the same. We agreed to talk again soon, but it never happened. For me, I was to scared to call him back, in case I develop more of a crush on someone that lives really far away and is not ready to date. I don't know if that is the reason he never called me back, or just that he is a flake. Anyway, months went by and didn't hear from him, I was busy and wasn't on the site and neither was he. A few weeks ago, he showed up on the site again and has been attempting to communicate again. I never initiate this stuff. He has been posting flirty things on the website about me, and also texting me randomly with compliments and "if only" statements. He knows that I find him physically attractive and also think he is a cool guy. He knows that I am dating IRL now too. I have noticed a pattern of sorts. He goes silent for a week or two, online and through text, and then suddenly will text me and show up online. He never keeps the text convo going, and is alwasy the one to end it by just not responding back... But at the same time, he is making it known online that he is not dating material right now, and he is flirting a bit with other members on the site too....? I don't know if he is playing some sort of game, a friend thinks that he is trying to keep me on the backburner, keeping minimal flirty contact to keep himself in my thoughts until he is emotionally able to date me. I am getting cycnical and wondering if he is just being a douche, flirting because he needs an ego boost or is bored, for all I know he is doing this with multiple women from the site. Or maybe he is just the flirty/friendly type and doesn't think he is doing any harm.... I don't really know how to deal with it. because I don't know what his intentions are here...
doeblin Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Yes, you are. Most likely. If he wants something serious, he should make the effort. But the real question is: What do you want?
Author SELdeMER Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 Yes, you are. Most likely. If he wants something serious, he should make the effort. But the real question is: What do you want? I know that I don't want to date a guy if he isn't ready--this is why I am not really doing anything. I am not initiating anything with him, just replying; and am dating locally and he knows that. Not going to put my life on hold waiting for a guy that may actually just be a douche. If he had of actually had the convo directly with me, like "I like you and would be down to meet you, but I am messed up right now" then that would be great, but he hasn't and the only reason I know that he is unavailable is because he posts about it on the site. If my friend is right and he is just biding his time---well, that's on him. If in 3 months he deems that he is ready and wants to come and meet me (and not to sound entitled--but he can make the effort to come to me--I think that is only right in this situation) and I am still single, then ok I wouldn't say no....But then the cynical side of me feels that this will never happen, and if I disappear from the site, he won't even notice. Should I just confront him and ask him what he heck his intentions are with me? A friend says that I shouldn't do that because it's really confrontational, and should just go silent, stay away from the site (stop posting) and answer any of his texts days after he sends them instead of right away--because we haven't met and I don't owe anything too him... I feel weird doing that though
Author SELdeMER Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 the thing is too, he is pretty respected on the site, and people love him on there, he posts flirty/complimentary things to me publicly, and I think at times that he must mean this stuff and that it is genuine...but then his actions are so contradictory that I get so confused...
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