Darren2013 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Well I am learning that one nice way to reject someone who likes me but I don't like back is to say "I'm not your type" or "You really don't want to waste your time going out with me. I am boring". Now that's if I really have low interest in the woman. Any healthy minded woman will believe what I am saying instantly if I tell her that and she will move on without knowing I was saying that as a way to reject her. I figure the best way to reject someone is to say something that will encourage them to forget about you. This way they move on thinking it is their idea to reject you. If you tell a woman that you are boring then she will probably believe you and move on.
Fondue Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 I think up to like 3-4 dates, you don't owe anyone an explanation.
Author Darren2013 Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 Of course I don't owe anyone an explanation but there's nothing wrong if I decide to explain myself.
evanescentworld Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Well I am learning that one nice way to reject someone who likes me but I don't like back is to say "I'm not your type" or "You really don't want to waste your time going out with me. I am boring". Now that's if I really have low interest in the woman. Any healthy minded woman will believe what I am saying instantly if I tell her that and she will move on without knowing I was saying that as a way to reject her. I figure the best way to reject someone is to say something that will encourage them to forget about you. This way they move on thinking it is their idea to reject you. If you tell a woman that you are boring then she will probably believe you and move on. You're incorrect. Most women with an ounce of intelligence will see straight through the charade and understand perfectly well what you're doing. You're dumping them, and frankly, taking their intelligence for granted. It's up to the woman to decide whether you are her type, or boring. Your attempt to impose your assumptions on her will merely be tiresome, irritating and will get the message across that actually, it's you who can't be bothered to make the effort. We're not that thick as to hang on every word a man says and accept his diagnosis. The whole thing is utterly transparent, and I don't think you should delude yourself that it's a 'nice way to reject someone'. It's actually quite rude. 4
Author Darren2013 Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 You're incorrect. Most women with an ounce of intelligence will see straight through the charade and understand perfectly well what you're doing. You're dumping them, and frankly, taking their intelligence for granted. It's up to the woman to decide whether you are her type, or boring. Your attempt to impose your assumptions on her will merely be tiresome, irritating and will get the message across that actually, it's you who can't be bothered to make the effort. We're not that thick as to hang on every word a man says and accept his diagnosis. The whole thing is utterly transparent, and I don't think you should delude yourself that it's a 'nice way to reject someone'. It's actually quite rude. But a wise person once said to women that if a man volunteers to talk about his flaws and negative qualities early on in dating then BELIEVE him now! So if she takes that advice she will walk away believing him with no problem regardless of his reasons for volunteering information about his negative qualities. If a man says anything to discourage you from dating him then there's no reason not to believe him.
evanescentworld Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Sorry. I'm trying to tell you that either you, and/or this supposed 'wise person' are incorrect. It's simply insulting to assume that a woman will take everything you say, as a 'nice' gesture. It's being fobbed off and dismissed, before the ball's even rolling.
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 tell them the truth. No harm is done by it, as far as i'm concerned.
Author Darren2013 Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 You know what I used to do when I would have a girlfriend but find myself losing interest in her after a couple of years? I didn't have the guts to end it. I wanted her to do the dirty work for me. So you know what I did? I stopped caring about my physical appearance and I just let myself go. I stopped going to the gym and stopped shaving and ate like a pig in the hopes that this would get rid of her while allowing her to believe it was her idea to get out. Then I could be finally free to date other women. Well in the early stages of dating before even going out on the first date it is kind of the same thing only I would verbally volunteer information about my negative qualities in the hopes of getting her off my back for good. That's if my interest level is really low like less than 10%.
whichwayisup Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Well I am learning that one nice way to reject someone who likes me but I don't like back is to say "I'm not your type" or "You really don't want to waste your time going out with me. I am boring". Now that's if I really have low interest in the woman. Any healthy minded woman will believe what I am saying instantly if I tell her that and she will move on without knowing I was saying that as a way to reject her. I figure the best way to reject someone is to say something that will encourage them to forget about you. This way they move on thinking it is their idea to reject you. If you tell a woman that you are boring then she will probably believe you and move on. Just be honest. I'm not interested in dating you, I"m being honest, sorry if that hurts your feelings but I don't like you in a romantic way. 1
carhill Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 I still tend to, though rarely used, use the line many women gave me over the decades, specifically "I don't like you in that way". Simple, to the point, and unambiguous. Now, being a bit dense, I sometimes didn't get it, so it was followed on by "do I have to spell it out for you?" That usually got the message across. I think the last time I used something similar was when a particular lady, whom I didn't really know that well I felt, told me she loved me and I thanked her for that sentiment but honestly told her 'I don't know you well enough to say that'. We would later develop a closer friendship and such words weren't an issue but, at the time, that's how I handled it.
Raena Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Yeah, I don't believe either of those statements are a very nice way to end it with someone. Being honest and straightforward without being specific and rude is the way to go. Yes: I don't feel like this is working and feel that we shouldn't see each other again. I'm not feeling the spark with you that you deserve. No: I'm not into you because of (insert specific reason) I'm not your type, I'm boring, too busy, I'm (insert negative comment) Honestly, every time I've had a guy say something negative about themselves to me it makes me think they don't have any self esteem and that I should point out their good qualities instead... like they are fishing for a compliment. Oh boo hoo, whoa is me, I'm nothing special. Waaah. Not once did I ever think they were trying to tell me they weren't interested in me.
OwMyEyeball Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 You know what I used to do when I would have a girlfriend but find myself losing interest in her after a couple of years? I didn't have the guts to end it. I wanted her to do the dirty work for me. So you know what I did? I stopped caring about my physical appearance and I just let myself go. I stopped going to the gym and stopped shaving and ate like a pig in the hopes that this would get rid of her while allowing her to believe it was her idea to get out. Then I could be finally free to date other women. Well in the early stages of dating before even going out on the first date it is kind of the same thing only I would verbally volunteer information about my negative qualities in the hopes of getting her off my back for good. That's if my interest level is really low like less than 10%. Do you not recognize that this behaviour is inherently dishonest and disrespectful? You are essentially causing them prolonged suffering (however mild it may be) in the misguided belief that it creates less suffering than the direct approach. It's the social equivalent to slowly pulling a band-aid off vs tearing it away. That you are subjecting yourself to degradation only worsens the entire situation. Just because you may suffer a bit doesn't somehow cancel out theirs. It just creates even more needless suffering! There is no honour or integrity in what you are doing. Your behaviour is misguided and wrong.
preraph Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 It's just another version of the "it's not you; it's me," but that's a fairly humane way to dump someone all in all. It's gracious. Previous posters are correct that most intelligent women won't really believe that, but if someone wants to, they can. Another thing you could say that I think a lot of women might believe is "I'm beginning to realize I've got some maturing to do before I put myself out there again."
HeartDesires Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Do you not recognize that this behaviour is inherently dishonest and disrespectful? Agree, unscrupulous behaviour but more common than you think...a guy who wants out of a relationship acting like an a-hole so that the woman will dump him.
Gloria25 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Why don't you just stick to the "I have a girlfriend"? So what's going on now? (1) Have you finally realized that your ambivalence in chatting up your co-worker means you have "low interest" in her, and now want to tell her not to like you? I don't see why you're stressing on how to be rude and insulting towards her, cuz from what you posted here, she has not indicated that she has ever been interested in you. So, if low interest in your co-worker is the issue here, then just stop doing weird stuff like looking at her and turning away. If you stop giving her signs of interest, then she'll be clear that "she's not your type" without you having to be rude and insulting towards her. (2) Is this just another thread of where you are so scared that your co-worker is gonna dump you (cuz your self-identification as a "boring" person) - when you won't even give her a chance to know you on a co-worker/friendly level - so, now you preemptively "beat her to the punch" by forcing her to reject you through declaring all what you perceive are "negative" aspects about you? If this ^^ is the case, then I don't know what more to say. You are so convinced that you suck, that you'll never get anywhere. I hope I'm not being rude here, but maybe you should look into a mail-order bride. I've seen a lot of guys who look as boring and/or repulsive as crap and they get some naive chick from some desperate country to worship them - well, sometimes those women get smart and/or "Americanized" and f-over the guys, but sometimes it works out pretty well.
Toodaloo Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 Just be honest. I'm not interested in dating you, I"m being honest, sorry if that hurts your feelings but I don't like you in a romantic way. Listen to this advice! In the past you have not only been disrespectful to your partners but also to yourself... doesn't bode well at all. 1
Author Darren2013 Posted September 15, 2014 Author Posted September 15, 2014 Personally I prefer to be let down gently when a woman is not interested. I don't think it is disrespectful at all. If a woman used the same lines on me I would already take the hint and move on. A cold rejection is not necessary early on unless the person continues to pursue you. I think the direct approach should be a last resort. It wouldn't be necessary to use that unless there was harassment going on.
evanescentworld Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 Well, I think if you discovered you were being lied to, you'd think differently. I'd rather be honest with someone and say, 'I'm sorry, something just hasn't clicked. Don't be offended, it's just not what I'm looking for...' Less hassle, and more honest. There's nothing rude or abrupt about that. it's still gentle, but at least it's also true, unlike the lies you think would be better..... 1
StanMusial Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 You're mixing up two things. Rejecting a come-on.Breaking up with someone. In the first case, I would usually say "I'm flattered but taken." Usually true. If I were single at the time and flat out not interested, I would either deflect the come-on or just say I wasn't interested. In the second case, I would say "I just don't see a future with us." True in every case. 1
gaius Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 You can always get real weird with them, overly aggressive, apologize for everything or act like an arsehole and let her think she's doing the dumping. There's always a theme with every woman you can hit to blunt her interest.
whichwayisup Posted September 16, 2014 Posted September 16, 2014 Listen to this advice! In the past you have not only been disrespectful to your partners but also to yourself... doesn't bode well at all. Very true. Personally I prefer to be let down gently when a woman is not interested. I don't think it is disrespectful at all. If a woman used the same lines on me I would already take the hint and move on. A cold rejection is not necessary early on unless the person continues to pursue you. I think the direct approach should be a last resort. It wouldn't be necessary to use that unless there was harassment going on. Some people can't take hints because they don't want to see them, or if they do, they talk themselves out of what it actually means. Bolded: Huh? Please explain why a direct approach should be as a last resort? Honestly, I think most would prefer a direct and honest approach, that way there's no time wasted in understanding what is really going on.
Xiang Posted September 16, 2014 Posted September 16, 2014 (edited) I prefer the direct approach. I don't like lies, you don't have to soften anything for me, i mean i get rejected so often i know all the "lines" and it's just obvious that it's bullbutter xD. Even when i got my first rejection i felt offended becuase of the lie, i even told her. "At least don't bull**** me and say it like it is." It's just disrispectfull, because in the end you are lying in your attempt to soften the blow, taking that person for a fool. Most lines used on me. "It's not u, it's me" = deffinetly you "U're to good for me" is actually " i'm to good for you" from the one who says it . "I'm not interested in relationships right now" ... jumps on first guy she meets xD, just not you. These were actually all used by my ex all at once as she was rambling when we had to break up. Confronted her to be upfront about it, no sugar coating diplomatic bs, i don't need it. I know what she means, but i want to hear it properly from her own mouth. Finally managed to say she just sees me as a friend i'm not what she wants, blabla.(insert speech) I respected her more for that and took my leave <3, so yeah i prefer the honest opinion, over used up lines that everyone knows. Edited September 16, 2014 by Xiang 1
Elias33 Posted September 16, 2014 Posted September 16, 2014 Great advice given here. If you really want to be a nice person, don't tell the other what to think, or what you are to them. It's degrading and rude. "I am not right for you" is after all, what they should decide. The truth is, there is nothing nice about rejection, and deep down, it hurt each of us. No one likes rejection. You can only be honest about what YOU think, what goes on in your head. And let them know about it. If you do care for that person, and you need to let them go, do so in a honest manner. 1
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